


It Started With Cadet Training

by Ghost_Writing



Series: It Started With Cadet Training [8]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Adoption, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Amputation, Amputee Erwin Smith, Amputee Mike Zacharias, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bathing/Washing, Canon-Typical Violence, Canonical Character Death, Commander Erwin Smith, Couch Cuddles, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Erwin Smith Needs a Hug, F/F, F/M, Fivesome, Fivesome but no sex, Fluff, Found Family, G for Gender-Neutral, Gen, Gender-Neutral Hange Zoë, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Kid Annie Leonhart, Kid Armin Arlert, Kid Bertolt Hoover, Kid Connie Springer, Kid Eren Yeager, Kid Fic, Kid Krista Lenz | Historia Reiss, Kid Marco Bott, Kid Mikasa Ackerman, Kid Reiner Braun, Kid Sasha Blouse, Kid Ymir (Shingeki no Kyojin), Levi Ackerman Needs a Hug, Love Confessions, M/M, Medical Inaccuracies, Medical Procedures, Mike Zacharias Needs A Hug, Morning Cuddles, Multi, Mutual Pining, Night Terrors, No Smut, Not Canon Compliant, Other, Polyamorous Character, Polyamory, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Canon, Reader is a Scout Captain, Reader-Insert, Scout Regiment, Scout Training, Slice of Life, Slow Burn, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Touch-Starved, Touch-Starved Author/Reader, everyone is poly, fuck Marley, polyamorous negotiations are done off camera, polycule
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-12 21:33:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 49,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29516073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ghost_Writing/pseuds/Ghost_Writing
Summary: You've worked your whole life to join the military. The child of two Military Police officers, orphaned as a young teen, you have always focused on your goals. Friends could wait, you were more concerned with joining the Survey Corps and bring freedom to those inside the walls.Yet, somehow you've found yourself wrapped up in the arms of the same team you'd promised yourself you weren't going to get attached to. The raven-haired man who fought as if he'd lost his soul, the red-head with a mischievous look in their eyes always searching for answers, and the two towering blonds with the kindest smiles, and the most complex minds.Gender Neutral Reader // Polyamorous Fic // Also Posted on WattPad
Relationships: Erwin Smith/Reader, Hange Zoë/Reader, Levi Ackerman & Erwin Smith & Mike Zacharias & Hange Zoë & Original Character(s), Levi Ackerman & Erwin Smith & Mike Zacharias & Hange Zoë & Reader, Levi Ackerman/Erwin Smith/Mike Zacharias/Hange Zoë, Levi Ackerman/Erwin Smith/Mike Zacharias/Hange Zoë/Original Character(s), Levi Ackerman/Erwin Smith/Mike Zacharias/Hange Zoë/Reader, Levi Ackerman/Reader, Levi/Reader, Mike Zacharias/Reader, Reiner Braun & Bertolt Hoover & Annie Leonhart, Reiner Braun & Bertolt Hoover & Annie Leonhart & Reader
Series: It Started With Cadet Training [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2141619
Comments: 47
Kudos: 123





	1. Coward (Start of Arc 1)

**Author's Note:**

> May I state before this starts:  
> I am a Queer writer. If you refer to me, please use he/they/it. Thank you <3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There were exactly three bunk beds in the bunk. Apparently, whoever else was meant to be here dropped out before even finishing the entrance ceremony.  
> “Coward,” you grumble, chucking your bag at the bunk closest to the door.
> 
> You're a new recruit, training to become a survey corp, when you're assigned to be the captain of your bunkmates turned squad with another boy named Levi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have noticed that since I started this series, the ideas and 'chapters' have grown substantially. So I will from now on, be compiling all of the works here, and posting new chapter updates rather than new fics. The original posts will remain up, however, I will be updating from here now.
> 
> Gonna preface this, there will be no smutt in this fic. I leave the Reader's gender and anything that may happen during the time in between chapters up to the reader. Feel free to headcanon whatever you'd like, I simply won't be adding it here.

You stood in the lineup, fresh meat for the military to train and mould into a new soldier. Countless other teenagers stood around you, all of them at attention as the man on the stage bolted out a massive lecture about performance and acceptance. You’d heard it already, it was all summarized in the pamphlet you’d read that decided your fate.

Next to you stands a rather grumpy-looking boy, glaring at the commander from behind jagged black bangs. Compared to you, he wasn’t all that short, however, compared to even the teen standing next to him (red-haired with a mischievous look behind their glasses) he looked absolutely tiny.

You snapped back to attention when the commander shouted something out to the group, declaring he was going to assign bunks. You prayed it was unisex, something about sharing bunks with everyone made it easier to blend in. You weren’t here to make friends, you were here to make history.

“-Bunk number five is Levi Ackerman, Erwin Smith, Hange Zoe, Mike Zacharius, and (Y/N)!” the commander declared. Out of the corner of your eye, you caught the red-haired teen smiling up at- good gods that man is huge- a massive lumbering blond man who gave them a thumbs up in response. 

Oh pray for your soul, you were bunking with them.

Reaching up, you shift your goggles on the top of your head. They were a gift from your parents before they went missing in the line of duty. You’d grown up in a very military-police-centred household, however, something about the scout regiment had always drawn you in. That is what you stood here for, to become the next commander- or at least a captain- in the scout regiment. To see the outside world. 

These goggles were merely a reminder of that fact. Of the fact to not get too attached. Very few people joined the scout regiment due to its dangers. It was highly unlikely you would see more than three people in this crowd again, let alone anyone who dared to befriend you.

“Dismissed! Breakfast is at five sharp! Don’t be late!” the Commander ordered, and slowly people began to trickle out of the gathering area with their bags towards their bunks.

You picked up your duffle bag and marched yourself over to bunk five. Much to your surprise, you were followed by the loud chattering of the red-head and the blond. With a huffed sigh, you push open the door to your new home.

There were exactly three bunk beds in the bunk. Apparently, whoever else was meant to be here dropped out before even finishing the entrance ceremony. 

“Coward,” you grumble, chucking your bag at the bunk closest to the door. You rummage through the bag to find your blankets, knowing how cold it’ll get thanks to your parents’ experience. 

“Pardon?” someone asks above you, forcing you to look up with wide eyes at the towering blond man above you. He’s not the one you saw earlier talking with the red-head. Which means there are two of them.  
“Titans save me, they’re multiplying,” you grumble, looking back down to your luggage rather than up at the hunk of man above you. You weren’t here to make friends, not even with your bunkmates- even if your bunkmates made your collar feel hot and bothered.

“You keep mumbling like that and we’ll think you’re just like shorty over here,” the other blond calls from across the room, causing you to shoot a glare behind yourself as he thumbs at the stalky, black-haired boy that had been next to you during the ceremony. 

Great, he’s here too. That’s what you wished you could say, instead you grabbed your towel and cleaning supplies out of the bag and stalked to the door.

“Think whatever you’d like, I won’t be here for long,” you scoff, stepping out into the night and heading over to the showers.

The next few months were going to be hell on Earth.

Unfortunately for you, you were followed by three puppy dogs and a cat they dragged along. You found yourself standing next to the same blond who was bunked above you. You huffed and stripped down to your skin, setting your goggles on top of your neatly folded clothes as you stepped under the showers. Apparently, they were unisex showers as both the red-head and the three boys were in here, as well as a handful of others.

You were leaning back, dosing water through your hair when a voice cut into your thoughts. Not that no one was talking, but simply because you’d been ignoring the rest of the world and the voice of the boy next to you grabbed you out of your happy little bubble.

“You’re (Y/N), right?” he asks, causing you to glare over at him. He’s got soap in his hair, a broad smile across his lips.

You simply glare at him in response before grabbing your own shampoo.

“I’m Erwin Smith, you probably heard that at the ceremony though,” he continues to ramble on, the smile remaining even as you ignore him and wash your hair.

He stands next to you the whole time, washing as he talks about the different rules that have been put in place and how he is definitely going to join the scouts. You feel the anger bubble up as you towel off and he continues. He’s still going by the time you’re dressed, and before exiting you shoot him a glare.

“If you talk half as much on the field as you did just now, we’d all be dead,” you snap, turning on your heel and walking back off towards your bunk.

You must’ve left him floundering because the four of them take their sweet time in returning- well three of them. The fourth, the raven-haired boy, returns not long after you. He’s quiet, simply glancing in your direction and giving you a curt nod. At least someone here knew how to stay alive.

You’re drifting off to sleep as the door swings open, the three of them crashing back in with loud chatter between the tallest blond and the red-head. Before you can tell them to shut it, the other boy sits up and glares at them for you.

“People are trying to sleep here, brats,” he hisses, silencing the three of them immediately. 

There’s a collective apology as they scurry to get into their beds. Finally awarding you peace and quiet as you doze off to sleep.

* * *

Breakfast isn’t any different sadly. You wake up with enough time to force yourself into your day clothes, goggles around your head and boots strapped to your legs, just as everyone else is getting up. Apart from the same raven-haired boy who is dressed as well.

He glances at you from across the room and you simply shrug at him. The two of you silently agree to get up and head to the mess-hall. Not friendship, simply mutual hatred towards your bunkmates.

The two of you are granted a moment of quiet away from the trio as you grab your breakfast and settle down at an empty table. Either both of you were too polite to say anything, or you were both okay with sitting together. In any case, your brief moment of peace was broken due to the arrival of three very hormone-fueled teenagers slamming their trays down on the table and catching both of you with soup splatters.

“Must you three be so loud?!” both you and Levi snapped at the trio as they started to shout at each other and laugh.

“Must you two be so grumpy?” not-Erwin retorted, earning you and Levi sliding away on the bench.

“Oh come on you two, don’t be like that. It was only soup,” the red-head pleaded.

“You were wasting food,” the raven-haired boy snapped.

“It’s just soup, it isn’t even that good,” they whined back.

“It’s the only food you’re getting until dinner, so you better shut your yaps as those two say or you’ll starve till tomorrow,” the Commander growled, slamming his hands down on the table.

You hadn’t realized how close you were sitting to the makeshift stage until the commander stalked off towards the front of the room and cupped his hands to his mouth.

“Listen up brats, like always we’re training new recruits differently to see what works! Your bunks are small on purpose, to recreate the feeling of squadrons! I will be appointing someone from each bunk captain, starting with bunk one…!” he shouts, your attention focusing on him as he goes down the list, rattling off names that you don’t know or care about until he gets to your bunk- 

“I didn’t come here to make friends,” the raven-haired boy grumbled as he chewed on the stale bread.

“Neither did I…” you agree, glaring at the wood behind the commander’s head.

He must’ve heard this because he makes eye contact with you, staring you down, “-Bunk five, (Y/N) and Levi Ackerman, since you two seem to be undermining my authority! Remember working as squadrons is what secures our military’s lives. Flunk out if you don’t think that it’s necessary!” he continues on after the brief lecture, leaving you red-faced and staring down at the table.

“You’re Levi I take it?” you mutter, glancing up at the boy.

“You’re (Y/N), though Erwin made that clear already,” Levi quips, glaring back over at the other three who now looked at you two expectantly.

“Co-captains, of these three? If they’re as useless at using ODM gear as they are at staying quiet, it’ll be like babysitting toddlers,” you groaned, pinching the bridge of your nose.

“Now, your responsibilities as Captains are ever-growing, but simple points you’ll be judged on will be ‘getting to the mess hall with your squad on time’, ‘having all your tasks done on time’, ‘making sure hygiene is kept in your squad’, and the most important one, teamwork. Without teamwork, you will be dropped before you can reach recruitment,” the Commander finishes, “Do I make myself clear?”

You all rise from your benches, standing at salute.  
“SIR YES SIR!”

“Good! Now everyone twenty laps! You don’t get to rest until the final person in your squad has finished!” he orders, circling his hand.

Dozens of teenagers file out of the mess-hall, putting their trays and bowls in the same stack, as you all start into a dead sprint. The one good thing about your bunk-mates/squad behaving like puppy-dogs is that they follow closely behind you and Levi.

* * *

It was a week since you were forced into the same squadron as a captain with Levi. During that week the two of you had agreed to judge the skills of the group before deciding what to work on and strategies.

However you were pleasantly surprised when Sunday morning came and during lunch, Erwin leaned down to whisper a strategy to the group.

“Alright, so I have an idea. The Commander didn’t technically say how we complete our laps- so since Hange is always slowing us down, what if Mike carries them?” he proposes, earning a glare from Levi and piquing your curiosity.

“What if we’re punished for disobeying the Commander?” you ask before Levi can.

“That’s the beauty, he can’t punish us. In the field, if we had to escape from a titan, slower or more injured squad members would be assisted by faster ones so we could all escape. We’re just preparing Mike to be our paramedic.”

The brilliance of Erwin’s plan struck you across the face as you sat there and blinked for a few seconds before turning to Levi.

“He does have a point. We could finish in the first place.”

All Levi offered was a simple nod as he returned to the tea that Erwin had handed him when the five of you had originally sat down. You understood now, it was bribery.

When the Commander shouted for “your sorry asses to start running” your group took off as normal. All according to a plan the five of you had come up during breakfast. You told yourself working together with your “squad” wasn’t making friends, it was making allies so you could graduate. Part of you believed it. Good enough.

On the tenth lap, Hange started to lag behind. Noticing this, you stuck out two fingers at your side, signalling Mike to pick her up. He did flawlessly, having her mount his back as he kept pace with the rest of you who’d slowed down briefly to give him enough time to do so. 

When another squad noticed you’d slowed down, the captain stuck their tongue out at you and passed you quickly. You returned the gesture moments later when you sped past with your squad. They watched, mouth agape, as you sped to the end of your laps, able to keep pace with Hange secured. 

You actually managed to finish in the first place, your whole team cheering apart from you and Levi, who caught your breath and prepared for the worst as the Commander marched over towards you.

“Captain Levi, Captain (Y/N)!” he shouted, stopping in front of you, giving you just enough time to stand up straight in a salute.

“Sir!” you and Levi say in unison. 

“Never in my years of teaching have I seen such a reckless and daring move, during laps,” the Commander barked, your heart hammering in your chest as you prepared for the worst- “That was a brilliant act of strategy, perhaps I was wrong when I thought you hadn’t been paying attention during my instructions! Move your asses to the ODM equipment, you get to gear up first today!”

You stood there wide-eyed for a split second before nodding your head-  
“Sir, yes sir! Thank you!”

“Dismissed!” he orders, and you scramble off with Levi, corralling your still celebrating squad towards the ODM training grounds.

Where Hange proved useless during laps, they made up for it with their skill in ODM gear. They were a true spectacle as you and your squad managed to stay completely upright the entire time the Commander stared you down.

The Commander didn’t stop you from carrying Hange in further assignments and eventually she was able to keep pace with the rest of you. 

That night when you got back to your bunks, fully showered and ready for bed, you stopped your squad.

“Erwin, you risked our necks today. What else do you have rolling around up there?” you asked, an impressed smile as Levi stood next to you, glaring less than usual.

“Well, for ODM training I was thinking…” Erwin started, pulling out more than a few battle strategies are crudely drawn across the middle pages of books that he had throughout his room.

Your squad spent the night working through strategies and memorizing hand signals you and Levi could give silently, as well as code words if they needed to communicate anything later on.

At the end of the night, even Levi went to bed with a slight smile as you began to realize you could use this “team” thing to your advantage. With hand signals and code words, anything as possible.

* * *

Two days later, you received the opportunity to put into place your first strategy. Mike twisted his ankle during laps, lagging behind severely. A quick flick of the wrist signalled Erwin and Hange to flank his sides, Erwin acting as a second leg for him. You sped through the course, Mike gritting his teeth as you were forced to dodge obstacles now since the Commander deemed you ready to start the real training.

“Half-way to the end, Mike can you make it?” you asked, not even glancing back because a moment’s loss of focus could lead to a hole in your formation.

“Don’t worry about me Captains, just focus on getting there!” he shouted back to you, with a quick okay sign thrown over your shoulder you booked it with Levi to the end. 

You actually managed second place, as your squad kept on your heels, Erwin having tossed Mike over his back and booked it after you. You grinned at the Commander who nodded his head to the medical center to patch up Mike.  
Though your ranks were down by one, you still managed to get through the next few obstacle courses easily. With Levi’s tiny body, Erwin tossed him up to the top of the courses to toss down the ropes that simulated ODM equipment. The four of you spend through the course as Mike watched from the sidelines.

Mike had to heal for three more days after that, all he was allowed by the Commander. It affected your performance slightly the first day, however with Erwin’s quick adaptations to your formations and plans, you were easily able to incorporate the crippled Mike in your exercises.

Having him at the end of the courses ready with water, or the middle to toss you ODM gear. He was there to grab Hange from Erwin as you finished your laps, and made sure that any extra chores that had to be done were complete by the time you finished your exercises.

“Commander’s cleared me to participate today,” Mike stated triumphantly as he sat down next to you at the table.

“Good, we need you back in the formation,” Levi acknowledges, quickly eating up his rice.

“Going to miss those quick water breaks though,” Hange groans from her end of the table.

“Do you want someone else to be injured?” you hum from where you’re currently nearly done your meal.

“No Captain!” they quickly blurted, sitting up straight.

“Relax, (Y/N) will do just fine,” you mutter before you even catch yourself. How long had it been since you’d become so comfortable with the four of them that you’d let yourself be called (Y/N) rather than captain? 

What really brought the oddity of your words to your attention was how everyone was staring at you now. Mike’s mouth was open, showing just a bit of food, Hange looked as if you’d told them you’d just kissed their sister, Erwin’s ridiculous eyebrows far higher on his forehead than normal, and Levi with his usual Levi-like glare.

“Don’t look at me like that or I’ll take it back,” you grunt, there was no sense in backing down now anyway. They were your squad, squads could call each other by first names and still not be friends… right?

Yet the damage had already been done as they didn’t exactly see eye to eye with you about simply being professional. Hange and Mike started to actually include you in their group discussions you had managed to avoid until then. Erwin would tell you goodnight rather than see you in the morning, Captain. Levi would- well he didn’t change much, apart from always accidentally bringing two cups of tea to the table. 

Thankfully your strategies only increased in integrity after that. Erwin and Mike didn’t need your signal to launch you or Levi up to the top of the obstacle courses, and Hange managed to keep pace with you and Levi most times during laps. Even when they increased.  
Then the Commander gave you blades to train with. It was both his biggest mistake and his greatest idea. The mistake part came from how many of the cadets cut themselves and others during training, the greatness came from how well your squad functioned in a titan killing obstacles.

The strategy was simple, Erwin would quickly make sure what would work in the particular obstacle course, signal you the signs necessary, and you’d relay them to the squad in commands as you took down obstacle after obstacle. Hange was the quickest to hit weak spots, while Mike and Erwin’s brute-forced the dummies into submission. Just as they were overwhelmed, you and Levi came out of nowhere, slicing through the nape.

On multiple titan courses, you spread out, just enough to hear each other, a strategy the other squads didn’t take into account as many of them were declared fake-dead from simple mistakes. Within earshot, you were easily able to tell Erwin to duck right rather than watch him go left into a titan he didn’t see.

Little did you know, by the end of the week, your squad was the talk of the Commanders. Your Commander had brought in the current Survey Corps, Military police, and the Garrison Regiment Commanders. All of which had been watching your squad for the final week of your training as you worked flawlessly together.

On the final night, before you were summoned to the courtyard, you sat in your bunks, looking at each other. It was a still silence that no one knew how to clear.

“Who did you call a coward on our first day?” Erwin asked from above you, startling you as you blinked rapidly. You hadn’t even realized he remembered that.

“The person who should’ve been in the bunk above Captain Levi,” you reply, nodding your head to the empty bunk.

He nods slowly, looking over, then back down at you.  
“I thought you meant one of us.”

“You’re still here so I have no reason to call you cowards,” you shrug.

He nods his head as the room fills with silence once again. Tense silence as an unasked question hangs in the air. You can see it on their faces. Why were you here? You’d heard them whisper a few times at meals, or hint to it in questions to you. Yet you’d never answered. You figured now was as good as any time, when you really need to rally them.

“Survey Corps.” The only words that left your mouth.

“What?” Hange asked, furrowing her brow as she looked down from her bunk.

“Frankly, we have talents. Between your fascination with titans, Erwin’s strategy, Levi’s impressive rage, and Mike’s positive attitude that keeps us from going under, we’d be wasted within the walls. I know we got off to a rough start, but… I can’t imagine being part of a division where I’m not with you four,” you grumble out the last part, less confident than the first. Somehow, your resolve of having no friends managed to shatter as you let these idiots into your life.

You feel your pride slowly replacing itself with shame for being so brash with your words. You open your mouth to take them back when your entire body is engulfed in burly arms. Blinking, you barely register Mike’s voice.

“Thank you, (Y/N), for being our Captain. Same with you Levi. I wouldn’t change anything for all the meat in the world,” he whispers, hugging you tightly.

Small tears well up in the corners of your eyes as you sniffle, trying to push him off you.

“Get off me you big lug, before I take it back,” you try and convince him, giving him a light shove. This action is only rewarded by Hange coming down to join in the hug, and Erwin dragging over Levi, forcing him into the hug too.

“You two make great Captains. The Survey Corps won’t know what hit them until we’re already at the top,” Erwin declares.

“And how will we do that? Another one of your flawless plans?” Levi quips, the usual edge to his voice having long since been gone and replaced with a teasing tone when around just the squad.

“Perhaps, or perhaps just your skill,” Erwin chuckles as there’s a knock on the door telling you it was time.

With a deep breath, you straightened up, giving Levi a nod as the two of you lead your squad to the courtyard. You were the first to arrive, standing front and center at attention in a single filed line.

 _”Prove to me why you deserve to be here.”_ Your final signal to them as a Captain. 

“To be a Scout is resigning yourself to death. Your mortality rate is one in a hundred, and even then, we can’t guarantee that if one-hundred of you leave, one will return. You will watch your friends, your squad, your captains, and your commanders die around you, or retire into a safer job. We will not baby you, we will not teach you how to kill a titan or hold you when you watch your friend ripped apart. So if you can’t handle this, leave now,” the Survey Corps Commander starts.

Many of the cadets around you start to shuffle off, so many of them leaving in silence as they quietly sneak off to their bunks to wait for the next round. You stand there, feet firmly rooted in the ground as you stare the Commander down, your squad next to you.

“But, I can promise you, each day will be more rewarding than the last. To save humanity from titan attacks and learn the truth to the titans, will be the singlehanded best achievement you will ever know. How can I assure you this? I can’t. But I have hope that there is a brighter future for humanity, I have hope that you will surpass your predecessors, that you will become humanity's saviours. To be a Scout is resigning yourself to the freedom of humanity. To the freedom of the open-world beyond the walls and the fresh air in your lungs.”

Your heart hammers in your chest as you stay in salute, staring the Commander down as you wait for the other ball to drop. There has to be another part that he’s missing from the speech. People seem to think so as they shuffle away and the Commander continues as the only thought you can think is “Cowards”.

“I cannot guarantee you’ll even make it back from your first mission. However, I can guarantee you a bed to sleep in, a massive training course, and the fresh open air that horseback allows. We are so close to freedom, we are close to saving humanity-” the Commander finally meets your gaze as you realize your squad is one of the two left in the auditorium, as you realize your squad is the only one that doesn’t look scared shitless. “With your skills, there isn’t a chance we’ll lose.”

You smile up at him as he salutes the remaining soldiers left in the auditorium. Saluting him back.

“SIR YES SIR!” you and Levi shout up to him, the rest of your squad - and the other squad - copying you.

He grins.


	2. Insomnia

The scout barracks were lonely at best. Apart from you, Erwin, Hange, Levi, and Mike, there were less than a hundred scouts, not counting their three captains and the Commander. You sat on the bunk next to Levi, shooting him an apprehensive look as the five of you surveyed the room.

You could tell from the expression on his face, he was thinking the same thing you were _”where is everyone?”_. It was unnerving to see so few scouts, even as they jostled each other with their elbows, laughing as if it was their final hour. 

With a sigh, you fell back on your bunk, staring up at the top bunk that Hange had claimed. Mike was tucked underneath an empty bunk across from yours, with Erwin underneath Levi on the bunk to your right. The bunks were close, shoved together with barely any legroom to walk around in the mornings. You could hear Mike sigh from here. 

Turning your head, arms tucked underneath you, you lost yourself in your thoughts. You’d made it to the scouts, yet in a twist of fate, you’d broken your promise to yourself. Somewhere along the line, your training squad had turned into your friends, enough to convince them to join you in the clearly suicidal task of being a Scout.

After hours of turmoil, your mind sinking deeper into the pit of itself as it tries to decipher this friendship you had now found yourself in, you catch a glance of Mike. He looks so peaceful, a smile on his face as he curls up around a pillow that is far too small for him, yet is clutched as tight as possible to his chest.

A thought whispered into your mind as you stared at him. Wrapping around your mind, you found yourself replacing the pillow with your own body in your imagination. The warmth of his heartbeat against your chest lulling you to sleep, the security of having someone next to you.

You caught yourself, shaking your head as you looked back up at the top bunk.

“What’s wrong with you, (Y/N),” you grumble, sitting up in bed and staring at the floor as you tugged on your boots. You weren’t going to get sleep any time soon, so getting some fresh air might clear your mind of these thoughts.

Unfortunately, you hadn’t been as observant in your sleep-deprived state as you’d like to admit. You’d failed to notice Erwin stirring next to you as you put on your boots.

Trudging through the barracks to the back alley was a difficult task, finding yourself nearly getting lost in the maze of the scout’s base. Eventually, you stumbled out to the ledge where you could see out through the whole city. It glittered with small lights in the night, just dim enough to see the stars above. 

With a sigh, you slump down to the steps and stare up, trying to force the bubbling thoughts that kept surfacing about unprofessional interactions with your “friends”. You tried to take your mind off it by focusing on seeing beyond the walls and killing titans, however, your mind kept reminding you. Eventually, their smiling faces snuck into your mind as you sat around a campfire outside the walls. 

You’d been so lost in thought you hadn’t noticed the click of boots against stone as someone walked up to you, sitting down next to you.

“What’s keeping you up?” you nearly jumped from your seat as the voice of Erwin snuck into your mind. For a moment you swore you’d imagined it before you turned to see the blond sitting next to you.

His hair was a mess, fluffed up from sleep, as well as a wrinkled white shirt and sloppily adjusted pants. He was smiling though, leaning against the stairs as he looked at you with interest twinkling in his eyes.

You gulped, turning away from him out of fear your face had gone beet red.  
“Why do you care?” you grumble, staring out at the city.

“I know we’re not in training anymore, but you’ll always be our captain. Isn’t that enough?” he muses, looking up at the stars.

“I’m not a captain anymore, I’m just a Scout cadet,” you dismiss with a sigh. You wished you’d kept your title, it suited you.

“You still are to us. Even if it isn’t official you’ll always be our captain. You got us here, top of our class too,” Erwin chuckles, turning to you to offer a rather confident smile.

“I didn’t do it for you,” you grumble, looking down at the pavement instead. You hadn’t. It had been a selfish act, the sole reason he was here at all.

“Hm?” Erwin presses.

“It was selfish. I made that plan for my own gain because I- nevermind it’s stupid anyways,” you stop yourself after you caught yourself turning towards him, honesty creeping up on you.

“You didn’t sound stupid, I promise I won’t laugh at you. Stupid is what Mike looked like when I left,” Erwin insists, making you roll your eyes.

Your words leave your mouth before you can stop yourself.  
“Mike didn’t look stupid.”

Erwin arches one of his comically bushy eyebrows at you as you catch yourself, shaking your head as you look back down.

“This isn’t like you (Y/N). I don’t think I’ve seen you show emotion,” Erwin chuckles, ruffling your hair as you look back down at the ground.

“You want me to go back to being like Levi?”

“No! Er- I mean- no, this is good. Emotions are a good look on you,” Erwin stumbles through his words, a finger tugging at his collar.

It’s an odd response, how quick he was to assure you that you could show emotions. Or perhaps that was just your selfish heart hoping for a little more. 

There’s a long silence that follows his comment, where neither of you speaks and looks up at the stars instead. It’s tense as his question hangs in the air, you’d avoided telling him the stupid comment, but the more you sat quietly, the worse it felt to keep to yourself.

“I’m sorry,” you whisper, praying he wouldn’t hear you.

“For what?” he asks, turning to look at you as you swallow your own pride for a few moments.

“Forgetting the four of you to join the Survey Corps. I wasn’t ready to say goodbye, but- but that doesn’t mean you should’ve had to put your lives on the line for my sake.”

There’s a pause, as the silence starts to return and anxiety creeps up your legs like a dying man’s hand from under the rubble. Holding onto your leg and whispering how bad you were, how you’d practically asked your friends to die for you after treating them like shit for months. Until there’s warmth on your back as a large hand pulls you in.

You’re made to lean against Erwin’s side, eyes wide as you stare ahead at the city streets.

“Is this why you’re so worked up? That you think you forced us to join the Survey Corps?” his voice is softer, almost bordering on caring as he speaks, his head resting on top of yours.

Suddenly, you’re too tired to fight him. Suddenly, you’re too tired to fight yourself. The corners of your eyes well up as you nod your head against him, spilling over when you go to speak.

“I-I forced you all to put your l-lives on the line because I got attached. I w-went against my own promise, to not m-make friends,” you cry, tears streaming down your face as you lean against his chest.

He doesn’t flinch at your shaking voice, simply pulling you closer to him as he pulls his cape over you.

“I joined cadet training to become a scout, so did Hange, Levi, and Mike. You’d know that if you bothered to pay attention during meals instead of grumbling to yourself and staring at the Commander,” he chuckles, his head resting on top of yours as he rummages around in his pocket for something.

“Y-you’re not mad at me?” you whimper as he hands you a tissue to blow your nose in.

“Of course I’m not (Y/N). I could never be made at my captain for finally speaking to me on something other than battle plans. They’re fun to share, but they don’t compare to an actual conversation. It’s like what Nile usually says, better to have friends and die young than have no one and die old,” Erwin muses, idly running his hand through your hair.

“Nile?”   
“He’s one of the military police recruits. You would’ve met him if you’d ever joined in conversations at mealtimes,” Erwin explains “Thought it might be nice to have someone in another division.”

You nod your head against his chest.  
“If we even live that long.”

“I’m not dying until I see you become a captain again.”

“Promise me you won’t die at all. Hange can’t handle if you died,” you mumble, kicking at a rock on the ground.

“Alright, I promise I won’t die until I see you retire and join the Garrison Regiment,” he chuckles, his hand still running through your hair.

“Good enough,” you snort, looking up at him with a weak smile on your lips.

“So I’m finally good enough for you, Captain?” he teases, looking back down at you with a soft smile turning the corners of his lips.

Your heart skips a beat as you stare into his eyes for a moment, trying to search them for an emotion you recognize. Yet there’s no condescension, or hatred, or disdain. You can hear your heart hammering in your chest as you realize just how close you are to him. Thinking quickly to escape a situation that would ruin everything you built yourself up to be, you allow yourself to ramble.

“I mean you finally learnt not to introduce yourself in the shower at least,” you dismiss, pulling away from him before anything could be broken.

The absence of his body heat leaves you feeling far colder than you had when he pulled you into him. Your very being longed to lean back against him. 

“You didn’t give me an opportunity prior,” he reminds you, following your lead and standing up as well. There’s a hand on your hip that sends sparks up your body as you turn away from him.

“We should head inside, it’s getting late and we have training tomorrow,” you quickly say, trying to save yourself from drowning within those blue-bell eyes.

He nods his head, looking away as he takes his hand off your hip.  
“Agreed. Levi would have both of our heads if we were to sleep in,” he coughs, following you as you walk off towards the door inside the barracks.

You walk back in awkward silence as your heart hammers in your chest. When you finally reach the bunks, your boots off so you can slip back into bed, you catch him staring at you out of the corner of your eye.

Before you can stop yourself, you wink at him with a small smile.  
“Goodnight, Erwin.”

He blinks at you, his mouth opens slightly as he nods his head, managing to stutter out:  
“Y-you too, (Y/N).”


	3. Guilt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ”Hold my hand. You’re going to be fine.”  
> The words rang through your ears like the roar of a titan. You said them to force both yourself and him to believe you. It wasn’t working.
> 
> Your first mission outside the walls started out amazing... unfortunately the world had other plans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Medical inaccuracies, Amputation

_”Hold my hand. You’re going to be fine.”_

_The words rang through your ears like the roar of a titan. You said them to force both yourself and him to believe you. It wasn’t working._

* * *

“Listen up recruits! It’s your first day out in the field! We’re glad to see you in our ranks, but do remember that titans are dangerous and protecting yourself is of the utmost importance…” the Commander started to drone on as you zoned out. You were well aware of the importance of keeping safe, so instead your sight drifted to your squad.

Next to you was Hange, Erwin, Mike, and Levi, in front of you was your Captain. Your captain hadn’t said much to any of you apart from drills, they always stared a few meters ahead while giving orders, keeping their distance as if they’d see a ghost. Each time you saw them, you made a silent vow to never turn out like them.

Mike walked next to you as you went out to the horses, giving you a playful shove so you’d stumble just a bit. Your entire shoulder lights up in sparks as you smile from the simple contact.

“Don’t go dyin’ on us out there, Cap-(Y/N),” he chuckles, beaming down at you. They’d started calling you Cap-(Y/N). Not that you’d earned the title, you’d yet to be on an actual mission.

“Same to you, I’m not sure Levi could take it,” you return, sending a teasing look back at Levi who simply grumbled something about being quiet and looked away.

Mounting your horse, you carefully trotted out of the city towards the gates. People gathered in the streets around you, gazing up in awe as you followed after your Captian out into the field. You silently signed a “stay safe” to your squad as you left the gates.

Your breath was immediately swept away when you were hit by the rush of clean air. The outside world, even a few feet from the wall, sounded of chirping birds and smelt of morning dew. Even over top of the horses. 

With wide eyes, you looked around while your horse raced off after your Captain. Careful to not break formation, you looked over at Erwin next to you. You hadn’t really spoken to him since that night, yet he always regarded you with a ‘good morning’ or a nod whenever you two were nearby.

“Erwin, we’re really out here,” you call over to him, as quietly as you can.

“Where’s your ‘talking will get us killed’ attitude now?” he chuckles, smiling over at you. You feel your heart flutter in your chest from the smile.

“Can’t we just enjoy our first moments?” you ask, leaning back a little on your horse and staring up at the sky.  
You’re granted three hours of peace and quiet before your eyes go wide at the red flare in the sky.

“CAPTAIN! TITAN SPOTTED TO THE NORTHWEST!!!” you call frantically to your captain a few feet ahead.

“SIGNAL IT!” they shout back to you, their words snapping at the edges.

Frantically you dig through your bag and fire off a red flare to alert the other squads. Only to notice another flare to the northeast.

“CAPTAIN THERE’S SOME TO THE EAST TOO!!”

“PREPARE FOR THE WORST!” is all they offer back to you as you groan.

Seeing the hopelessness of your Captain, you signal to your squad, a few directions in preparation for a fight. Levi shifted to be in the middle, Hange flanking his side with Erwin, as you loaded your ODM gear.

The Titans first appeared out of the north-west. Their massive lumbering frames were nothing compared to the training courses. Yet, you had no choice but to fight them. In fact, their distorted and mutated faces only made you want to fight them more.

With moving targets, it’s harder than the training courses you’re used to. However, a quick succession of teamwork with the other squads and your own brings the north-west titans to their knees. As the flares to the east get closer and closer.

“How haven’t they taken them down yet!?” you shout, cocking your own red flare to the sky.

You get your answer in the form of a massive titan horde.

It’s nearly overwhelming as you’re swarmed. There’s a trail of dead bodies- titan and human alike- as they chase up to you. Fear settles into your stomach as you try your hardest to take down as many as you can, but with your tiny squad and your Captain not giving any orders, you’re overwhelmed.

Then there’s a blood-curdling scream and you turn to see Hange watching a titan scoop up the captain. None of you are close enough to save them and to your horror, they’re consumed.

Your emotions go numb as you hack through titans, unsure of what to feel. However, it seems that the whole ordeal has thrown your squad into a state of shock apart from Levi who’s still hacking into titans. You barely knew them, yet even you felt numb.

There was nothing in the world that would pull you out of that headspace until you were down to the last few titans and another blood-curdling scream was heard. Deeper this time and your head whipped around to see Mike in a titan’s hand two titans away from you.

Fear bubbled up in your chest as you shot across the field, slaying the two you pass, to get to Mike. It feels as if time itself is slowing down as you watch him picked up and drawn to the titan’s mouth. 

Your heart hammers in your chest as you lay into the titan, Levi coming up next to you and finishing it off. The titan tips over slowly, its hand coming down, still grasped around Mike. In an instant, you forget about the world around you and shoot down to grab him.

It’s too close, far too close for your comfort as you snatch him out of the titan’s hand and fly off towards the carts that are already gathering people in order to head back to the city. Your mission couldn’t be complete with this many losses. 

As you land on the cart, you watch your first sunset starting on the horizon. Tears prick your eyes as you can’t enjoy the brilliant sight unhindered by the wall, your attention focused solely on Mike.

The scouts were all trained in medical care, something you’d been given early thanks to your parents. It was mostly due to underfunding that they didn’t have proper medical staff, which left it up to the scouts themselves.

Your heart raced as you laid him out on the cart, searching for any sign of life. A quick finger on the pulse point showed you he was still alive, at least his head was beating. Thank the gods, his heart is still beating.

“Mike, I don’t know if you can hear me, but I need to take a look so pardon the shower etiquette,” you joke, trying to ease the tension hanging heavy over you.

You get a raspy chuckle from the normally cheerful man.  
“How bold of you Cap, didn’t realize you felt that way.”

You roll your eyes, despite the heat spreading through your cheeks as you cut off his shirt to check for damages, making sure not to rip the jacket or cape. There are massive purple and black bruises, mixed with yellow and blue across his ribs and chest. You shouldn’t find this attractive, but for a split second, that’s all you can think of. Until you notice the blood pouring into the cart.

“Blood…?” you whisper to yourself as you search for where it would be coming from. When your eyes look down to further assess the damage you can’t help the gasp that escapes your lips.

“(Y/N)? How bad is it?” Mike rasps, catching your attention as you look over to him, giving him a weak, trembling smile.

“Don’t worry, you’re fine. The titan’s barely nicked you,” you try and convince him, the bile building up in your throat as you dig through the medical bag for a tourniquet. 

He rests a hand on your shoulder, wincing at the pain that shoots through his ribs.  
“Cap, I can’t feel my leg. How bad is it?” he asks again, forcing tears to well up in the corners of your eyes.

Thankfully, your saving grace is Hange landing down next to you as the carriage takes off running back to the wall. They place a hand on your shoulder, giving you a nod with a blank expression painted across their face.

“Erwin and Levi?” you whisper to them as they sit near Mike’s head.

“We’re here brat, just focus on Mike,” Levi orders from the horse riding next to the carriage. Looking up you see him and Erwin flanking the cart. 

A breath you hadn’t realized you were holding in leaves your lungs as you position yourself across Mike’s leg. 

“Mike, this is going to hurt,” you say, looking him in the eyes. He stares back at you, nodding his head slowly.

“Am I going to die?” he whispers quietly, his eyes wide with eyebrows furrowed together. There are small tears in the corners of his eyes, threatening to spill down his cheeks.

”Hold my hand. You’re going to be fine,” Hange interjects, saving you from the pang in your chest and giving you time to pull back his shredded pant leg from his skin.

The words rang through your ears like the roar of a titan. You said them to force both yourself and him to believe you. It wasn’t working.

It’s worse than you first thought, jagged and rough. There’s no saving it from infection with what you have unless you removed the part with a sterile blade. Moving your hand down, you check your own blades, coming up empty. You’re out.

“Erwin, do you have a spare blade?” you sign to him, hoping that Hange keeps Mike distracted.

“You’re going to need someone to hold him down,” he signs back.

“Can you?”

“Hange, switch out with me,” Erwin barks, giving you a curt nod. You watch as your squad pulls Erwin’s horse up to the side of the cart so that he can pull Hange into his lap, and then pull himself into the cart thanks to your hand. 

Casually, he sits down one of his blades next to you as he settles across Mike’s chest. For your sanity, he faces Mike.

Clicking the blade into place, you set your hand down on Mike’s remaining thigh.  
“Mike, take a deep breath for me. Okay?”

“W-what?” Mike squeaks, his normally calm resolve replaced with a wavering, unchecked fear.

You don’t answer him, taking too long can make it worse. The blade cuts through his skin easier than it does titan, even the bone is easy to slice. Your hands start to shake when another blood-curdling scream cuts through the air. It’s more pained than before as Mike bucks under Erwin, smashing his damaged ribs against him. 

You fight your shaking hands as you discard the blade and the removed flesh. This is your fault. If you hadn’t dragged him into this he wouldn’t be here. He’d be safe and whole. Not missing a leg.

Silently, you stare at Mike’s bleeding leg, trying to reclaim yourself from the tears stinging your eye. A heavy thud and someone lands down beside you, turning your head your hands are caught by the steady, cold hands of Levi.

“He’s alive because of you. Now finish your job,” he orders, passing you the bandages as he sits next to you.

You gulp, nodding your head as you focus on wrapping the stump so that the bleeding would stop. Eventually, Mike quiets down to whimpers as you finish wrapping his leg. Levi sits next to you the whole time, carefully handing you more bandages when you need them. 

“Erwin,” you start, placing your hand on his shoulder, “Can you sit him up so we can do his chest?”

Erwin looks back to you solemnly, nodding his head as he shifts off of Mike’s torso. You’re quick to straddle his lap as he’s made to sit up. The tear-streaked face looking down at you as he slumps against Erwin’s chest.

Quietly, you rest a hand on the side of his face. His eyes move to meet your gaze as he leans forwards and rests his forehead against yours.

“I didn’t mean for this to happen… I’m sorry, I- you’re here because of me,” you whisper, tears pooling in the corners of your eyes as you look up at him.

“I’d walk through Hell if you asked me too,” he mumbles back, his own hand coming up to rest against the side of your face.

“Keep your promise to me. L-Levi can’t take losing you,” you sniffle, rubbing your eyes with the back of your hand.

“Keep holding me as you are now and I’ll never leave,” he chuckles as the cart goes over a bump in the road. The sudden jostle causes him to double over and clutching his ribs.

You’re too stunned for words as your brain tries to process the comment. Someone taps you on the shoulder and you turn to see Levi sitting awfully close for someone who doesn’t like physical contact, holding a roll of bandages out to you.

“Thanks,” is all you can manage out as you take the bandages. Erwin assists by holding Mike enough to wrap his torso, earning a groan in protest.  
“Come on Mike, you heard the Captain. No falling asleep,” Hange orders from the side of the cart, causing the man to startle a bit and blink down at you.

“Er- yeah sorry, Cap,” he mumbles awkwardly, watching you as your hands wrap around his torso, carefully laying down the bandages across his chest. 

“It’s alright, just don’t fall asleep on me,” you hum, making your way up to his torso as your finger tips brush against Erwin every once and a while. 

Guilt hangs heavily over your head as a small whisper creeps into your mind, poisoning your tormenting thoughts into a fluttering heartbeat and dusted cheeks. A horrifying reality dawns upon you, that this is far closer than friends were. You passed friends a while ago in training, this was close-friends at best, yet your mind kept drifting to more than friends. The moment under the stars with Erwin, the small ideas while Mike was sleeping, how well you and Levi got along, and the constant genius of Hange.

Your heart was pounding in your chest by the time you finished bandaging up Mike’s torso. In the distance you saw the gates to wall Maria, you’d be home soon. You’d be back in the barracks soon.

Yet you were pulled against Mike’s chest as he laid back down, a hand on your shoulders. Out of the corner of your eye, you watched Erwin snag Levi in until it was the three of you curled up on Erwin. Care to not injure Mike more, you laid your head on his pec, a hand resting gently on his arm.

The five of you finally watched the sunset as you road back to the barracks.

“It’s gorgeous,” you whispered, the guilt starting to subside as Mike combed his hand through your hair.

“I can think of very few things that rival its beauty,” Erwin hums, his hand on Levi’s back.

“Rival? It’s barely even a contest, the sunset would lose,” Mike scoffs, groaning at the chuckle that leaves his lips happily but his ribs in pain.

“You two are terrible,” Levi grumbles, yet you don’t miss the smile that’s crept onto even his lips.

You barely registered the murmurs of the city as the cart road through the streets. It was as if you were watching the sunset and none of the others in the world mattered. You’d expected it to take longer but it felt like minutes by the time you reached the barracks. Despite the stars hanging heavily in the sky above.

When the cart pulls up to the barracks, the Commander is there to instruct you.

“Get him down and to the medical room,” he orders.

You nod your head, clambering down with Levi as Erwin carries Mike out of the cart.

“You don’t have to carry me, (Y/N) patched me up good,” he protests as Erwin steps onto the ground.

“Mike, don’t try and be the hero here. Just let him carry you,” Hange lectures, coming over to the group of you.

He sighs as the four of you walk towards the medical room. It was indeed just a room with a few beds that soldiers could heal in. Levi and Hange got to work out of view as you set Mike down on the bed with Levi.

You fluffed the pillow behind his head, earning a chuckle from the larger man. You rolled your eyes, faking a smile as you went to walk off to one of the chairs Levi had dragged over. Something caught on your wrist, pulling you back around.

“Stay with me?” Mike pouts, sticking out his bottom lip and folding his eyebrows in a pout.

“I wasn’t going far, Levi brought over chairs,” you explain, gesturing to Erwin, Hange, and Levi who were already sitting down.

He just continues to pout at you, adding to the confusion fogging around your head as you stare down at him.

“Mike, use your words,” you sigh, remaining next to him as he holds your wrist.

A tug on your wrist pulls you down to the bed, his arms wrapped around your neck as he buries his head in the crook of your neck. You stand there frozen in place as someone chuckles behind you.

“Didn’t realize you were the cuddly type, Mike,” Hange observes between giggles.

He glares over your shoulder at Hange.  
“I nearly died, cut me some slack. (Y/N) just happened to be the closest.”

Hange doesn’t respond, simply continuing to giggle as you admit defeat.

“This is highly unprofessional,” you grumble, putting a leg around Mike’s waist and settling down to the bed. “Is this what you wanted, puppy-dog?”

Mike nods his head, keeping his face buried in your neck, his arms now around your shoulders as he snuggles as close as his ribs will allow him. You’re about to protest that you can’t stay there when Erwin pulls his chair close on your other side, folding his arms across his chest and settling down quiet. 

Levi pulls his chair up on your side with Hange, the latter curling up with their head in their arms resting on the bed by Mike’s missing leg. 

Soft snores follow them not long after, leaving you to curl up close to Mike and drift into restless sleep alone. At least you had your squad around you.


	4. White Lies to Yourself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You take the promotion to Captain to keep your friends safe from the burden of guilt and trauma that the Scout division is plagued with. That and to slowly take over the Scout division chain of command.

Nothing was quite the same after your first mission. You’d woken up still curled up to Mike, and almost immediately there was the Commander standing at the foot of the bed. You quickly jumped out of bed, saluting him.

“Sir!” you said quietly, hoping that Mike wouldn’t wake up.

“At ease Captain,” he dismisses, waving his hand and leaving you blinking at him.

“C-captain?” you stutter to repeat.

“The way I see it is either I split up the best squad the scouts have seen in years, or appoint someone the Captain. The latter seemed more appealing to the survival of humanity,” he explains, gesturing to those sleeping around Mike.

“But me? Why not Levi? Or Erwin?”

“You charged yourself into a mass of titans to save cadet Mike. You amputated his leg in the back of a wagon. They all know hand signals and commands that you give out. You are the most logical choice-” he walks over and places his hand on your shoulder- “They trust you, Captain.”

You slowly look to your sleeping friends, swallowing your pride as you meet the Commander’s gaze.  
“Thank you, Commander. But see things from my angle, I saved him because my heart faltered, I couldn’t even save my own Captain yet I was ready to lay my life down on the line for Mike. They only trust me thanks to Erwin’s brilliant plans and Levi’s skill.”

“Captain, you fail to see that you don’t have a choice in this. Your previous Captain lost their squad in battle, I saw them fight just as hard as you did for Mike. A squad isn’t a brilliant leader and brainless lackeys, it’s a brilliant team with someone who carries the burden for the rest of them.”

You open your mouth to speak, the words catching in your throat.  
“... let them smile, I’ll bear the burden for them,” you whisper, your head hanging down to stare at your feet.

“Congratulations Captain. Your bunks have been reassigned to the third floor Captain’s bunks. Your belongings will be moved for you,” the Commander explains before turning on his heel.  
“We have a meeting at nine sharp. Don’t be late.”

As you watched him walk away, sinking down to the floor to lean against Mike’s bed, all you could think of was how you’d hadn’t slept alone in months.

* * *

You’d left before the others woke up, sneaking off to the mess hall to grab yourself breakfast despite your nervous stomach. You at least needed some food after the mess of last night.  
The most you managed was to grab a scone off the counter before realizing you were about to be late to the meeting. Dashing out of the mess hall, you tugged on your Scout’s jacket, racing up the stairs to the Commander’s room where meetings were held. 

You made it just in time to quietly slip in the back and take the only empty seat in the room. There were a total of three Captains, including yourself. Neither of them acknowledged you as you sat down with more than a nod of their heads.

The meeting was far more boring than you’d realized. It was like listening to Erwin’s plans if Erwin spoke in a monotone. You kept your mouth shut apart from suggesting different maneuvers to use in case of titans flanking on the upcoming mission they were planning.

Out of the people in that room, you were by far the youngest. It felt increasingly obvious, especially when the Commander asked for you to stay when the other two left the room.

“Commander?” you asked, turning back to him.

“(Y/N), how are you feeling through all this?” he asked, looking just as nervous as you felt.

“I have to admit, I don’t particularly see why you promoted me.”

“Your parents.”

“Pardon?” 

He took time to clear his throat. “I promoted you because I knew you could handle it. Because I knew who you were raised by and that you’d function well under stress.”

“You… knew my parents?”

“Not personally, however, they were a force to be reckoned with like you are. Though I’ve never seen that same rage you possessed yesterday on their faces.”

“What were they like…?” you quietly whisper, looking down at your boots.

“They acted as if the same person, the other an extension of their body. They were never seen apart from another, even till the end. I remember when you were born, they’d always take you to practice, showing you off whenever they could. They were the brightest souls I’ve ever seen, I only wish they’d joined the Scouts, their brilliant minds would’ve been an asset.”

“I have another strategy, one that Erwin came up with. We’ve never tested it, not enough people or a reason to. It’s risky, but it might help us in a pinch.”

“Show me,” he requests, gesturing to the plans laid out across the table.

It took you all of the afternoon to butter up the Commander. A strategy that you’d perfected with the few months using advice your parents had given you since a child. You had bigger plans than his horizons, ones that involved Erwin in his chair, with Levi, Hange, and Mike by your side as Captains.

But you knew things would have to be taken slowly in order to stick. So you explained to the Commander one of the easiest strategies that were purely fitness for your squad. As you exited the office, a satisfied smile was stretched across your lips.

A debut for the world’s deadliest squad. 

Yet your quick resolve bottomed as you skidded down to the mess-hall, grabbing five cups of tea and balancing them on a plate with scones as you shuffled down to the medical room. You spent the trip praying to the Gods that they hadn’t left the room yet and you wouldn’t need to go on a wild titan chase.

A sigh of relief escaped your lips as you found the four of them sitting around Mike, walking with each other. A glance around the room told you you were alone. Heads turned to you as you pushed your heel against the door, turning the lock before crossing the room and setting the plate down on the bedside table.

“Sorry that took longer than expected,” you admitted, passing out treats to your squad as they watched you with raised eyebrows.

“What took longer than expected?” Erwin asked, taking the teacup from your hand with a thank you.

You looked from the four of them before sitting down on the chair behind yourself.  
“The Commander approached me and promoted me. To Captain. Of you four.”

“But, you’re a new recruit. We all are,” Hange pointed out, leaning forwards with her mouth open slightly.

You shrugged, praying they wouldn’t see through your confidence at all the uncertainty behind it.  
“He told me we were one of the best squads he’s seen- I asked why he didn’t promote one of you but he said I was his choice. I don’t get it either but-”

“(Y/N) that’s awesome! Now we can call you Captain and no one will give us weird looks!” Mike cheered with a smile, throwing an arm around at you before his face scrunched up in pain.

“Mike, take it easy. Levi and I didn’t rush into titans to save you just so you can die in the med room,” you murmur, slowly setting his arm back down.

He nods his head with a huffed sigh.

“I do have a plan though, one to get us all to the top quickly. So listen closely because I’ll only say this once…” you lean forwards, beginning to spill the tale of the plan you’d lined up for the four of them, using the empty teacups as props.

* * *

As you fastened your cape while your horse charged through the fields, you waited for the red smoke signal to appear in the sky. You kept your eyes trained on the Commander, rubbing the sleep from them.

You hadn’t really had time to sleep between training and nightmares, seeing Mike in the titan’s grasp constantly. Your heart pounded in your chest as a red flare burst to the West. It was now or never. 

Giving a quick signal to your squad you spread out just enough to hear each other, just like training as you prepared for the oncoming force. The red flare left your hand just as you realized there was one from the East too.

You hear someone behind you shout about titans to the East too as you gulp. You were surrounded, again. 

As your heart pounded in your chest, you prepared for the worst as fear bubbled up in your chest. There’s a scream to your right and you watch your previous captain being lifted into a titan’s jaw.

It dawns on you as your body sores through the air on its own. This is another nightmare.

You watch with a horrified face as you’re forced to save Mike once more, however this time you only manage to get him out of the way before the world goes black around you.

* * *

You bolt up in bed, tears streaking down your face for the fourteenth night in a row. Two weeks, you’ve grinned and bore it. But it’s haunting you now. Maybe if- maybe if you just saw Mike, alive and well, then you’d be able to believe that he was alive.

The door of your room creaked open to the empty hallway. The Captain’s bunks were always quiet with the other two captains and the commander sleeping at the far end. You tug at your bottom lip as you creep towards the staircase, only to run face-first into someone.

Rubbing your head, you take a step back to come face to face with Erwin helping Mike up the stairs despite him using his prosthetic leg. Behind them, Levi and Hange grumbled about them stopping.

“I- er- hi,” you manage to stumble out, unsure what to say to avoid breaking down in front of them.

“Can we sleep together tonight?” Mike blurts out. 

You stare up at him, blinking a few times as you furrow your eyebrows.

“We keep waking up in the middle of the night, none of us are getting any sleep since you were moved up here,” Erwin explains, helping Mike up the final stair.

“Honestly, I was just about to come to find you four for the same reason,” you sigh, turning on your heel and quickly opening your door so you didn’t wake the Commander with your yammering.

They take the hint, shuffling inside the room while you hold the door open. Thankfully, your bed was rather large, enough to support the four of you if you managed it right. Once the door was closed, there was a collective sigh of relief through the room.

You tried to make it to the bed, tried to fain confidence in front of your squad but you barely made it to Erwin before breaking.

“I know it isn’t much, but I should still be grateful… but I can’t be without you four. No matter how hard I try, somehow you made me break my number one rule. Don’t make friends. B-but you feel like more than my friends or my squad, you feel like-like my family. Like home,” you blurt out, spilling yourself across the floor through words as you stand there, your head hung low.  
“I didn’t ask for this, I didn’t want this… but I’d do it all over again to save Mike’s leg, to not be in this room sobbing because we watched our previous captain died in front of us. I’d do it all over again to save the fire in your eyes.”

You’re crying now, hot tears streaming down your face as they drip onto the ground below. You felt like a scared little kid again, just learning about your parents’ disappearances. 

A breath you don’t realize you were holding in escapes your lips as arms wrap around your chest, pulling you flush against Levi. A wrecked sob escapes your lips as the others join in until you were all standing in the middle of your room, holding each other as tightly as you can.

“You’re our Captain, but that doesn’t mean you have to shoulder the burden for us. We work as a team. Mike lost his leg because we all failed to save it, but that is the last loss we will have. We’ll make sure of it,” Levi whispers quietly, his typical angry resolve cracking away to a gentler tone as he lectures you on your own words.

“I hear there’s something called the ocean out there. A massive lake where you can swim for miles and miles and never see the end of it. I want to see it,” Mike declares, his face burrowed into your shoulder. 

“We’ll see it. We all will see it,” you assure him, squeezing his hand. He gives you a shaking smile, small tears rolling down his cheeks.

“Come on, let’s get to bed before you drip snot on everyone,” Levi grumbles, breaking away from the hug as he offers you a tissue.

You let out a weak chuckle, taking the tissue from him.  
“He’s right, we need sleep. We have training early in the morning. What would your Captain think if they knew you were up so late?” you tease, putting your hands on your hips.

“I think they’d tell us to go back to bed,” Hange jokes next to you as Erwin helps Mike over to the bed to remove his prosthetic.

“You okay with being in the middle of this?” you say to Levi, raising an eyebrow at the usual ‘no-contact’ man.

“I’ll be fine if it’s you guys,” Levi grumbles, avoiding your gaze.

“I believe you,” you hum, ruffling his hair as you move over to cozy up between Mike and Erwin.

It wasn’t romantic if you were sleeping together to avoid nightmares… right? So why was your heart hammering against your chest as you laid your head down on Mike’s shoulder? Why did your breath hitch when Levi curled up next to you, Erwin draped across him from behind, or your face turn Garrison rose red when Hange reached across Mike to rest their hand on yours over Mike’s stomach.

Why did you want them to hold you like this every night?


	5. Take Your Shot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Times drawing closer to your squad's debut of power, yet even in the heat of battle, your mind is still riddled with guilt as Mike saves you from behind. A titan you hadn't even seen.

You’d woken up tangled in the bodies of your squad in the large Captain’s bed. The first time in weeks you’d yet to have a nightmare of them dying over and over again. A smile crept across your face as you stared down at their sleeping faces. Safe and within sight. You swore you’d protect them till the day you died.

From that day forth, you ate together, slept together, took no breaks, and trained harder than ever. You brought your squad up from the ground, raising them high until you had everyone’s attention during training. No one’s eyes left you as you took them through thick forests and city streets. 

A quick signal for a sharp turn, or a circle to spread out let them know exactly what was on your mind. Erwin was always behind you, ready to help with strategy when anything preplanned didn’t work, Mike on the other side, finally able to stand on his own and insisting he could catch you if you ever fell. Your eye caught Hange as you veered left, her eyes sparkling. In the reflection of your goggles, you saw Levi’s stern expression, keeping his focus on the obstacles rather than the people below him.

A smile grew across your lips as you landed down in the Scout barrack’s courtyard. Dusting yourself off, you pulled your goggles up so they pinned back your hair.

“Good job everyone, you’re getting better each time,” you beamed, settling your hands on your hips as you surveyed your squad.

“Only because we have the best captain in the world!” Hange cheered, flinging her arms around your neck.

“Oh come on now, I’m only this good because I have all of you backing me up,” you chuckle, rubbing the back of your neck with a bright smile as the others walk over to you.

“We’re only as good as you train us to be, Captains. We always have,” Erwin states, pulling Levi into the group huddle. He didn’t protest as he used to, just allowing himself to be dragged along.

“Besides, we can’t take all the credit. What would that leave you?” Mike points out, ruffling your hair that isn’t tucked under your goggles.

You open your mouth to respond when there’s a call of your title and name behind you. Turning around you see a cadet standing there.

“Captain (Y/N), the Commander requests your presence,” the cadet says, saluting you.

“Thank you, Cadet, I’ll be right there,” you acknowledge, giving him a bright smile.

The Cadet nods, turning on their heel and walking off.

“Boss calls, sorry guys. I’ll meet you in the mess-hall, okay?” you ensure them.

“We’ll save you a cup of tea,” Levi says, his usual grumpy expression returning.

“See you in a moment!” you call as you head off to the Commander’s office.

“Bye Cap!” they shout after you.

* * *

“W-what do you mean?” you stutter, standing up from the chair you’d previously been sitting in across from the Commander, “You can’t retire! There’s barely any of us left!”

The Commander sighs, looking at the desk rather than meeting your gaze.  
“If this mission doesn’t go as planned, I have no reason to stay as the Scout Commander. I’ve failed them too many times, there is too much blood on my hands.”

“Who cares?! So what if there’s blood on your hands! There’s blood on everyone’s hands!!” you shout at him, leaning over the desk. This pitiful sight of a man, with his head held low as he cowered in your presence. This was no Commander of the Scouts. This was a Commander of cowards.

“Who would you appoint, (Y/N),” he repeats, the same question that greeted you when you stepped into his office.

“No one,” you say stubbornly.

“Who, (Y/N)?”

“It’s not my decision to make.”

“I am asking you as your Commander. Who would you promote?”

“Anyone but you,” you hiss, turning on your heel and storming from the office. The door slams shut behind you as you stomp down to the courtyard again. 

There’s a shout of your name from the mess-hall as you pass by. Ignoring them you gear up, taking off for another lap of the obstacle course to try and calm the scowl across your lips. It wasn’t your choice to appoint a Commander. You’d joined the Scouts for their courage, their bravery, their dedication. Yet they were no more than broken soldiers run by a cowardly Commander. It was embarrassing. You were embarrassed to be a part of such an ignorant division.

Blood was on everyone’s hands from the day they started. That’s the choice you make when you joined the scouts. Or so you thought.

In your blind rage, you don’t hear the ODM equipment of someone flying up next to you until they crash into your back. Arms wrap around your chest, preventing you from falling to your death but also from launching off again.

“Breath, Captain. Just breath,” Mike mumbles, holding you steady as the sounds of other ODM gear stop around you.

You’re held there, in suspension as the wave of anger crashes against the shore, spilling over in tears down your cheeks as your hatred towards the Commander dissolves into tears of betrayal. Hot tears roll down your cheeks as you hang there, sobbing in Mike’s arms with your squad around you.

“We shouldn’t have left them alone,” you can hear Hange sigh from your left.

“It’s not their fault, don’t pin this on us either. It’s his fault,” Levi grumbles to your right.

“Just focus on getting the Captain to calm down first. We can point blame later,” Erwin huffs next to Levi.

“(Y/N), I’m going to get us down now. Okay?” Mike whispers behind you. He waits for your nod in response before shifting you in his arms so that your legs are over his arm and he’s supporting your back, bridal style. 

Carefully, he lowers down to the ground with the others, settling down in the Courtyard with a huff as he tries to keep himself steady. He wobbles for a moment, still not used to his new leg, before righting himself so that he stood with you comfortably in his arms.

“Let’s get you some tea, finally,” Levi grumbles, landing next to you and patting you on the leg.

* * *

Any respect you had left for the Commander left you after that day. During meetings you were polite, offering strategies and assistance in planning and training with the other squads, but no more than necessary. It was like a knife to the gut each time you saw the Commander, knowing how cowardly he was.

You’d yet to share your discussion with your squad, however. You felt that it was only fair for them not to know until it was necessary. You had a mission to train for anyways, and this would only hinder it.

Thankfully, the day of the mission came quickly. With your head held high, you guided your horse out of the walls through the streets, until that gorgeous fresh air, unhindered by the massive wall you were so accustomed to, hit your face. It felt refreshing to be free once more as your horse took off charging in the direction you’d planned for weeks to follow.

Glancing behind you, you were overwhelmed by the looks across your squad’s faces. Hange’s eyes were sparkling in the sunlight as they raise their hands to the sky, a huge smile breaking across their face. Erwin had tears pricking the corners of his eyes as he gazed out across the open freedom, mouth hanging open slightly. Mike’s eyes were screwed shut by the massive smile that forced its way across his face. Even Levi had a slight upturn to his usual frown.

You couldn’t stop yourself from raising your fist to the sky. A silent cheer that you’d accomplished a great victory. You were in your rightful home. Free.

Easily, you managed to reach your destination, a forest not too far from the walls. Keith’s plan was that titans wouldn’t be able to reach a fort high in the tops of the trees and even the titans that were tall enough could be sliced down before they reached the fort.

Sadly, the smiles lasted only for a week.

* * *

You’d just finished constructing the fort together, taking a moment to spend some time with your squad, tucked high up in the tree to watch the sunset. As you laid with your head on Erwin’s chest, a thought crossed your mind.

“I think this is a much better first sunset,” you hum, running your hand through Hange’s hair gently as they lay across your lap.

“Agreed,” Mike mumbles, his head resting on Erwin’s shoulder as Levi sits quietly to the side with a cup of tea. You’d offered him a place, yet he’d simply shook his head and settled down there.

“What about you mister Grumpy? Is this better than titan killing?” you tease Levi, giving his knee a shove.

“I suppose there is something in a sunset. I wouldn’t know,” he grumbles, taking a sip of his tea.

“Oh come on, of course, you would. You can’t tell me you never watched the sunset as a kid as you waited for dinner or your parents to come home,” you continue, giving him a warm smile.

Levi had never once spoken of his past, so when he spoke, all the colour drained from your face at once.  
“No. I never had the luxury of a sunset or parents, or even to wait for dinner,” he snaps, glaring you down.

Slowly, you untangle yourself from the mess of bodies, the others falling quiet around you as you moved to sit down in front of Levi. He flinches, just barely noticeable yet it’s there as he continues to glare at you.

Gingerly, you reach a hand out and rest it on the side of his face.  
“I’m sorry, I didn’t know. You’ve never spoken of your past before,” you whisper quietly, offering him the sincerest face you can muster.

“Whatever shitty-hair, it’s not as if it’ll matter. We’ll all be dead soon anyway,” he mutters, taking another sip of tea as the cup empties.

“All the more reason to watch the sunset together then. If we’ll soon be dead, might as well bask in its magic now,” you mumble, leaning forwards slightly.  
He meets you halfway, resting his forehead on yours quietly. There’s a small clink as the teacup sets down on the ground next to him. You give him a reassuring smile as you scoot backwards, pulling him with you until the two of you were sitting between Erwin’s legs. He makes no move to resist, simply allowing you to drag him.

“You’re just in time for the best part,” Erwin hums, resting a hand on Levi’s shoulder as you two settle down.

“There’s the best part?” Levi asks quietly, staring up at the sky.

 _”All of us, like this, together,”_ you quietly think to yourself as Erwin rambles on about sunsets and their colours. You’re not sure where he’s learnt all of this from, the five of you weren’t really the backstory sharing types. Sure, you knew the few highlights that were shared, but the sharing stopped there. Between training and late nights, it was nearly impossible to share anything personal without sound vulnerable.

That’s why, as you laid there quietly, your head on Erwin’s chest as Mike ran his hand through your hair, Hange quietly draped across both you and Levi as Levi mused with her hair, you kept yourself quiet. Kept yourself from telling them. Kept your fluttering heart still. Even as the five of you drifted off to sleep, you kept quiet.

You waited until you were sure they were all asleep before quietly murmuring to yourself;  
“I love all of you.”

It was an admittance of feelings on deaf ears. So that your soul could rest in peace if anything were to happen to you. You would know that you’d told them you loved them. Even if it had been a quiet whisper while they slept.

* * *

In terms of time, a week takes seven days or one hundred and sixty-eight hours. Yet it felt as quick as blinking. You’d spent the week training quietly, taking evenings to relax, and spending as much time as you could with your squad.

So when the blood-curdling scream woke you up the next morning, you weren’t entirely prepared. Not to say you weren’t prepared at all, your gear had never left your body during the week, but you were startled for sure.

Half the fort had already collapsed, titans at the base of the trees, surrounding the forest as well and caging in your horses. Your only way back to the wall. Luckily, the others had startled awake with you as well so you didn’t need to shake them awake.

They’re up in a matter of seconds, a silent mutual plan shared between the five of you as they launch themselves off in different directions. Soaring through the trees in training courses comes easy to you, however, it’s much different when you’re doing it to avoid titans and execute a plan smoothly.

Your heart hammers in your chest as you stick to the plan, making sure there are no more casualties on your hands. You can hear Levi’s shout to Erwin across the battlefield, a simple command to tell him to watch his back.

Hange soars past you, a smile on your face as you take down a nearby titan. There’s a squelch behind you as the titan tips over, Mike giving you a thumbs-up as he shoots off. You shout a word of thanks to him as he flies off. 

Your mind clings to the sight of him, his blond hair clumped with blood as he soars off. Your guardian angel that you’d been too weak to fully save, yet he was there to save you before you could even scream.

There’s a bitter taste of guilt on your tongue as you threw yourself at titans, trying to prove your worth, that you were worthy of being saved even after such a careless mistake of losing Mike’s leg as well as nearly losing your own life.

Your heart pounds in your ears as you pant while the last titan falls, hanging in the air for a moment to wipe the blood from the corner of your mouth with your sleeve.

It took somewhere between forever and a blink of an eye to clear the titans down, yet by the time you finish, the fort is already destroyed. You’d manage to defeat the attacking titans, yet you’d also been defeated at the same time.

With a heavy sigh, you dropped down to the horses, landing in the saddle of your horse with a huff. Around you, your squad lands down next to you. With a quick assessment, no one seems to be injured apart from a few minor nicks and scrapes.

“Head back to the walls!! It’s not safe here!” the Commander calls, flaring up the rage in your chest as you flick your reigns to the horse. 

The horse whinnies, rearing up before taking off after the Commander and the rest of the Scouts. Towards the wall nearly a day away. There’s a grumble in the back of your mouth you wish you had the courage to voice, that you didn’t need to abandon the fort quiet yet and hide behind the walls, but you keep quiet.

You took your shot to show off your squad. Now, all there was left to do was to wait.


	6. Waste Your Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Commander's threat of retirement hung heavily over your head and somehow it managed to destroy your resolve. Did you make it worse by telling him that Erwin should be promoted? Or did you manage to finally cure the ache in your heart?

The Commander’s threat of retirement still loomed over your head as you paced the Scout barracks over the next two months. There wasn’t a moment of peace you were allowed during the entire endeavour as you were constantly pulled into his office to ask for battle strategies or who you’d promote. Each time you shot him down. Each time you left his office in a huff.

At the same time, one of the other Captain’s found out about your squad sleeping in your room. You suppose it was out of jealously due to the fact the Commander was giving you “special attention” that word of the behaviour found its way to the Commander’s ears. It didn’t help much when he used the threat of banishing your squad from your quarters if you didn’t answer. Calling his bluff, you wound up sleeping alone.

Looking back, you probably should’ve given him an answer. The feeling of guilt every time your squad looked at you during training or on missions was weighing down heavily on your shoulders. Even as you rode back into town, another failed mission behind you, you could feel their eyes on your back.

Your horse clopped across the street towards the barracks, following behind the Commander himself. The barracks finally came into view after what felt like ages of waiting, giving you the out to lead your horse to the stable. Unfortunately for you, the Commander followed after you.

“Captain (Y/N),” he cut through your thoughts, his tone demanding your attention as you lead your horse to its stall.

“Commander Keith Shadis,” you replied back, dignifying him only the return of his title.

“Do you have an answer for me, or are you going to continue to wallow in your own self-pity?”

You flinched at the words. Anger bubbling up in the pit of your stomach. How dare he say you were wallowing when he was retiring out of guilt.

“I cannot give you an answer, Commander, for the people I’d chose to take your place would make me seem biased,” you snap back, finally giving him more than a no.

“You trust your squad, Captain. Yet why haven’t I seen the same level of work these past weeks, as you’d previously displayed?”

“I’m not sure- perhaps you know the answer to that question better than I do. It was your decision in the first place,” you growl, walking towards the exit of the stables.

He grabs your bicep tightly, halting you from walking forwards.  
“Who would you choose? I’m not asking you as your friend, I’m asking you as your Commander, Captain.”

In one fluid motion, you spin on your heel and rip his hand from your bicep, gripping his wrist.  
“Erwin Smith. He’s far braver than you have ever been, and his strategies have kept my squad alive since cadet training. Satisfied?”

A small smile spreads across his face as you release his arm and turn to go.

“One can find himself satisfied when he is finally at peace.”

“One can find himself a coward, if that is his definition of peace,” you mutter, exiting the stable and storming across the yard towards the mess hall. Perhaps some tea could help clear your head.

Soldiers practically jumped out of your way as you stormed through the hall to the mess hall. Had you been looking behind yourself, you would’ve caught the Commander taking Erwin aside, but your attention was solely focused on the path ahead of yourself to the mess hall.

Thankfully, the mess hall had fewer people within it, mostly due to the fact that titan killing killed one’s appetite, even after a long mission. So you found yourself at the counter easily, watching the water boil away impatiently.

“Earl Grey, or Chai?” someone asked next to you, forcing you to jump out of your skin and turn to the man next to you.

The grumpy face of Levi met yours, holding up two tea bags in his hands as he waited impatiently. His usually neat hair had a slight slick to it, sticking to the sides of his head.

“Pa-pardon?”

“Earl Grey, or Chai?” he repeated, waiting for your response.

“Do they have camomile?” you ask quietly, trying desperately to cling to the confident anger you’d been sprouting earlier but failing miserably in the presence of your friend and former co-captain.

A brief thoughtful look crosses his face before he turns to the counter again, searching around for a moment as the tea kettle screams. With a sudden noise of accomplishment, he produces a small teabag.

“They do,” he says, coughing slightly and adjusting his ascot.

“Thank you, Levi,” you whisper quietly as he passes you two mugs to fill with hot water.

He says nothing in response but does pick up both of the teacups. Out of the corner of your eye, you watch him slightly flinch from the tiny extension of his arm.

“Levi?” you mumble quietly, moving to rest a hand on his sleeve, watching as it came back soaked in blood, “You’re bleeding.”

He looks at your hand before shaking his head and picking up the teacups.  
“I am not. You’re just going insane in your old age, (Y/N).”

You place a hand on his shoulder, stopping him just as he turns around to walk over to the table.  
“You need to bandage those wounds, Levi.”

“I’ll do it later. The tea will be cold by the time this conversation is even finished,” he huffs, brushing your hand off as he walks over to sit down with Hange and Mike who are engaged in animated chatter.

Reluctantly, you follow after him, taking a seat with your squad as you search for Erwin. You didn’t want to be jump scared by him, out of fear of him realizing that Levi wasn’t the only one injured. Your shoulder ached with every movement, all the way down to your hip.

Levi passes you your tea, and you remember to take it with your uninjured arm. Just so the others didn’t see. What would they say if they saw their captain injured?

However, your little charade didn’t last long due to the heavyweight practically falling onto the bench next to you, causing you to jump and throw your arm up, bringing tears to your eyes.

“Shit, sorry (Y/N), didn’t mean to startle you,” Erwin apologized, his eyes going wide at your reaction. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, (Y/N) are you okay?” Hange asks, leaning across the table.

“I’m fine, Erwin what kept you so long? Usually, you’re here the moment we come back,” you brush them off, turning your attention to the man who’d just dramatically collapsed next to you.

He sighs, leaning on the table with his head cradled in his hand.  
“I have good news, and I have bad news… which first?” 

“Bad news first,” Levi grumbles from your other side, almost done his tea.

“Don’t listen to him! Give us the good news first!” Hange protests, shooting Levi a glare.

“I’m not sure how good this is to everyone, but we can share a room with (Y/N) again,” Erwin states. Your eyes go wide at his words, you hadn’t expected to be taken seriously. Had the Commander already-  
“I’m… the Commander.”

A hush fell over the table as all eyes landed on Erwin. No one was really sure how to respond, and as you sat there, watching Erwin’s expression, you felt your heart sink. He looked distant at best as if this had been forced onto him. A role he did not want. Your fault.

“It’s not official until next tomorrow, but the Commander has told me to move my belongings into his room. That it’s mine now. I’m not sure I can replace him, he was brilliant and-”

“He was a coward,” you cut in, flinching as a wide-eyed Erwin turns to you. “H-he pestered me every day for the last two months on who to promote. I shot him down every time. Erwin, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to force you into this it’s-”

“I accepted him. You forced me into nothing. I should be thanking you, (Y/N)-” he reaches forwards, taking the side of your face gently in his hand,- “Because now I can stop watching Mike toss and turn at night, or Hange waking up screaming, or Levi making tea at two in the morning because he can’t sleep. Now I can see you four sleep peacefully together, rather than restlessly apart.”

There are no words that escape your lips as you stare back at him, they quiver open but no sound escapes as tears build up in the corner of your eyes. Your hand reaches up to rest on the side of his face as his features mimic yours when a shooting pain cuts through your shoulder. You yelp in pain before you can stop yourself.

“(Y/N)!” the four of them shout together at the sound, eyes quickly scanning over your body.

“I’m fine! I’m fine!” you protest as Erwin searches your arm for any damage.

“You’re bleeding,” he states flatly, his hand stopping near your shoulder blade.

“Levi’s bleeding too!” you protest, hoping the attention would shift away from you.

“So’s Hange and Mike, I can see the way that they restrict their movements,” Levi grumbles, setting down his teacup.

“Erwin’s no better! He’s been holding his head as blood has dripped down his hand this whole time!” Hange points out, the five of you staring at each other, all of you unsure of what to do at this point.

“Cadet! Fetch some medical equipment and have it delivered up to the Commander’s quarters,” Erwin barks at the nearest Scout who’d been staring at this exchange.

The scout stiffens with a nod before scurrying off as Erwin stands from the bench.

“The rest of you, up. We’re getting you cleaned off before someone passes out,” he orders, ushering you up as well.

There are a few grumbling protests across the table but with a stern glare, you’re all ushered to your feet and out of the mess hall. You feel like a disobedient child as Erwin walks next to you, keeping a hand out in case you fall.

He pushes the doors open to the Captain’s showers-the top floor held a communal shower for the captains, near their barracks- you’d never personally used them unless you were alone, you hadn’t showered with anyone since you’d been the same rank as the others.

The room is quiet apart from the shuffling of fabric as five wounded soldiers struggle to remove their clothes. There’s a curse to your right as Mike’s arm hangs uselessly at his side, his other hand fidgeting to unbutton the belts on his pants.

“Let me,” you mumble quietly, crouching down to unloop the belts around his legs.

“Thanks,” he whispers back quietly as you unloop the thick leather straps, letting them fall down.

“Get my shirt?” you whisper quietly, standing up as the last belt falls to the floor and turning so he can help you out of your shirt.

“Yeah sure,” he mumbles, sliding down the fabric down your arms with one hand. “(Y/N), what did you do?”

“Hit a tree,” you grumble as you struggle out of your pants.

He sighs, leaning forwards and placing a hand on your jaw.  
“(Y/N), I-” he whispers, brushing a tear from the corner of your eye.

“Come on you two, let’s get you cleaned up before you bleed out,” Levi grumbles, reaching up and dragging the two of you by the ear towards the shower.

“I can walk, Levi!” you protest as he drags you under the water where Hange and Erwin were arguing over what temperature to leave the shower at.

“Good, that means you can use your arms to wash the blood of yourself,” he grumbles, reaching up for the shampoo on the ledge, only for a whimper to leave his lips. It’s so quiet you almost miss it, yet your ears were tuned to watch for the small noises from him. 

Carefully, you take the shampoo from the shelf, clicking open the top. He glares up at you, staring daggers at the bottle of shampoo.

“Stop being such a brat and let me wash your hair,” you mutter, reaching out to squeeze shampoo on his head. He flinches at the contact, but doesn’t pull away.

“You don’t have to wash it for me, I can do it myself.”

“I know, but I can get the back of your head better than you can right now, so just let me help… please?”

He opens his mouth to argue more, hesitating for a moment before closing it again. Satisfied, you start to run your fingers through his hair.

Levi stands there, staring at your chest as you carefully wash his hair out. The water’s a murky brown for a while, soap suds flooding the drain as you rinse his hair out. It takes three times to rinse all the dirt from his hair, but eventually the water runs clear rather than dirty brown. He stands quietly the whole time, his eyes closed to keep soap from them.

There’s a sense of domestic calmness that washes over you as he leans into your touch, patiently waiting as you wash through his hair, the dried blood draining away. It turns softer and softer in your hands as it comes out clean, reminding you slightly like a cat. 

For a moment, you allow yourself to be lost in him, the way he’s curled slightly, sheltering himself from the world rather than his usually confident demeanour. The way he looks so vulnerable, the desire in your chest to tilt his head up and kiss his lips. Then you catch yourself, putting a halt to your mind.

“See? That wasn’t so bad, was it?” you hum, rinsing off your hands so there wasn’t soap left on them.

“It was… tolerable,” he grumbles, staring down at the ground and avoiding your eyes.

“Oh come on shorty, don’t lie we can all see you’re blushing,” Hange teases from next to him, jokingly nudging his shoulder with their elbow.

“Shut it foureyes!” he shouts, spinning to glare at them instead. 

They simply chuckle and pat his head, offering to wash off his back for him. Your attention is drawn from the two of them by Erwin tapping your shoulder. Turning around you try and avoid staring at him like a teenager given their first pin-up poster, blush dusting your cheeks as you scold yourself for daring to look at your friend in such a manner.

“Want me to wash your hair?” he asks, drawing your attention so you stare up at him, noticing the small trickle of dried blood on the side of his face.

“Erwin, you’re bleeding,” you point out, reaching up to rest your hand on the side of his face. Blunt trauma to the side of his head, yet your hand comes back clean.

“I cleaned it, I’ll fix it after we finish- turn around, I’ll wash your hair,” he orders- no, requests. You can deny him if you wanted, yet you find yourself turning around so that your back faces him.

“I highly doubt you just hit a tree,” he mumbles as he pours the shampoo on your hair.

“It was just a tree,” you protest. You know it’s a lie, you’d crashed into the tree, your blade scraping across your back. You knew it was bad, you just weren’t prepared to admit it to them.

“Mike hit a tree and it looks half as bad as that,” Erwin argues, a gentleness to his tone as you keep your eyes closed. 

You can practically feel him breathing against the top of your head, his chest nearly pressed against your back. The proximity is making your heart hammer loud enough you swear he can hear it. You try and force yourself to stop, but you can’t. 

You’ve been losing control of yourself for weeks, teetering dangerously close over the edge to confessing. Yet every time you do, your mind circles back to “who”. You can’t possibly have all four of them, life’s never easy. Yet in the dead of night, you found yourself wishing it was possible.

“Maybe this was a bigger tree,” you mumble, tilting your head back as he rinses out your hair.

He goes silent for a long while, rinsing out your hair carefully before placing the showerhead back in it’s holder. You tilt your head back, your heart thundering about the possibility of him walking off, but instead he brushes your hair back so it’s away from your shoulder and a clothe is pressed to your wound. 

You flinch at the sting of chemicals, but a strong hand on your shoulder keeps you steady so he can clean out the wound. His touch is free of any heavy handedness, gently brushing away dirt and blood as he holds you carefully.

Tears prick up to the corners of your eyes as he rinses out the clothe and returns to cleaning, leaning forwards to whisper in your ear:  
“You’re doing so well, I’m almost done.”

Instinctively, you reach a hand up to place it over the one on your shoulder holding you still.  
“O-okay,” you manage to reply, the words wavering and giving away your wrecked emotional state.

In an instant, someone moves in front of you to distract you. You’re met with the smile of Hange, void of glasses as they put their hands on your cheeks.

“Hey, (Y/N), don’t cry. He’s almost done,” they murmur, brushing their thumbs against your cheeks.

A sniffle escapes your nose as you nod your head, yet you cannot stop the tears leaking down your cheeks.

They remain in front of you until Erwin finishes, murmuring words of encouragement and keeping your focus on their face. It’s not hard to find yourself lost in their eyes, you could spend days lost in them without regret. You can’t stop yourself before their name stumbles from your lips, intent on telling them how you feel.

“Hange, I-” you start to say before they cut you off.

“I know. We’ll get you fixed up soon,” they murmur, giving you a reassuring smile.

You close your mouth, swallowing your words as you nod your head. You’re not sure what they thought you meant, but perhaps it was for the best that they stopped you. Perhaps they really did know and they were avoiding the topic. Perhaps you were just that obvious.

“All done, let’s get both of you bandaged up, okay?” Erwin hums, rubbing his thumb on your shoulder where he still had his hand resting.

“Mike’s patching up Levi in your room Erwin, so let’s get our butts there,” Hange explains, stepping out from under the water and passing you a towel.

“Hange, where do you think you’re going?” Erwin asks, folding his arms as you dry off your hair carefully.

“Er- to your room?” they say with a nervous chuckle.

“I didn’t see you wash any part of yourself off. You’re still dripping dirty water. Get back here,” he orders, making them go stalk still and shuffle back to the water. 

“I’m fine, just a little dirty. Honestly,” Hange fibs as you carefully tie the towel around your body.

“(Y/N), go see Mike. He’ll help patch you up, I’ll be there shortly when Hange’s clean,” Erwin explains, ignoring Hange’s protests.

You nod your head, going towards the door. You’re quick to turn away from him to avoid him from seeing the sad expression written across your face. You close the door quietly, heading down the hallway to the Commander’s quarters and knocking on the door.

“Open!” Mike’s voice calls from inside. 

Slowly, you push open the door, stepping inside. There’s a small entrance to put your shoes and gear before rounding a corner past the bathroom door to the large king-sized bed that currently held two of your friends.

Levi was staring holes into the floor as Mike sat behind him, wrapping bandages around his head. His torso was already wrapped up, as well as both his arms and part of his leg. Mike was still void of bandages, paying his attention to Levi.

You cross over to them as he finishes up the bandages on Levi.

“(Y/N), come on and sit down, I’ll patch you up,” Mike offers, gesturing to the spot next to Mike.

“What about you? You’re in worse shape than I am,” you point out the way he was barely moving his shoulders, and how he was so curled over on himself.

“Doesn’t matter, you need bandages, right?” Mike doges the comment, holding out the bandages from the medical kit.

You take them before he can stop you, moving to sit behind him.  
“I might need more, you are rather large,” you hum, spreading one of the gauze panels across the bark-burn on his back.

He flinches under your touch as Levi lays himself out on the bed next to you, watching the two of you with an unimpressed glare. Mike takes shallow breaths as you bandage him, his head tilted down to his lap.

It takes quiet some time for you to wrap his torso and shoulders, he remains still with his head hung low the entire time. There’s no words out of his mouth as he sits there silently.

To you, it feels like a knife stuck in your chest to watch the usually bubbly man so silent. Carefully after bandaging up the last part, you lean forwards and wrap your arms around him from behind, resting your head in the crook of his neck. He freezes in your arms, your heart beating rapidly out of fear he’d toss you off, until he places his hands on yours.

“Take care of yourself too,” you whisper quietly.

“I’d rather take care of the four of you first,” he mumbles back, still hanging his head.

“Then let us help you too,” a voice argues next to you, turning your attention to Levi who apparently hadn’t been sleeping.

Before you can stop yourself, you let out a small chuckle.  
“I thought you were asleep, shorty,” you point out, letting go of Mike to turn to look at the now sitting up Levi, propped up by his elbow.

“Good, pay attention to Mike instead of me. I was perfectly fine pretending to be asleep,” he grumbles, pulling the covers around himself.

You lean over, smoothing out the covers and adjusting them so they laid comfortably over him. He grumbles, watching your every move. When you look up to meet his gaze, he turns his face away, light blush dusting across his cheeks.

“Don’t waste your time on me, brat,” he mumbles with a sigh escaping his lips as he faces the window instead.

“You’re not a waste of time, Levi,” you whisper, reaching up and brushing the hair back away from his eyes, slowly turning his head to face you.

“You have three other people who’d be a much better waste of time than me,” he sighs, continuing to stare out the window.

“I’d rather waste my time on all of you than choose one. I couldn’t imagine a world where I didn’t care for you four, including you, even if you are a brat,” you confess, his head still tilted to yours as his eyes draw to you. It’s vague enough to explain it as friendship, yet your heart is in your throat.

You’re frozen in place as he wraps his arms around your neck, staring you in the eyes as if he was trying to reach your soul through them.  
“You really are an idiot.”

“If I’m such an idiot, then kiss some brains into me,” you tease back, leaping off the edge you’d been standing on for months.

You didn’t expect him to lean up and actually do it. It doesn’t register in your mind until his lips are pressed against yours, his eyes screwed shut. You lean into the kiss, stroking your thumb back and forth against his cheek as he holds onto you as if you were life itself.

When you pull back, gasping for air, Mike lets out a chuckle.  
“So he gets a kiss for being grumpy yet I just get a hug when I’m sad?” he jokes, falling back to lay down next to you.

“I mean, if you want I can- I didn’t think you’d-” you stutter, your mind failing you.

A hand reaches up, guiding you over to his lips as Levi relinquishes his hold on your neck.  
“Just kiss me, (Y/N),” he mumbles, bringing you down to his level.

Between his gentle tone and his soft touches, your mind allows you to lose control. You press your lips to his, his hand idly running through your wet hair as he sits up again, bringing you with him.

“Mike, can you not keep your lips off (Y/N) long enough to bandage them first?” a voice cuts through the kiss, forcing you two apart to meet the gaze of a smiling Erwin, shaking his head as Hange trails in after him.

“Don’t tell me I missed the make out session!” Hange whines, flopping their head back dramatically.

“Come on four-eyes, I’ll bandage you up and then you’ll get your kiss,” Levi grumbles, picking up a roll of bandages and waving Hange over.

They beam, practically dashing over to sit in front of Levi. You catch him smiling slightly out of the corner of your eye as Erwin walks over, his arms folded across his chest.

“You jealous?” Mike asks, resting his chin on top of your head.

“Preposterous, I’m happy for you two,” he grumbles, avoiding both of your gazes.

“Erwin, if you keep pouting I’ll never be able to reach your head to bandage it,” you chuckle, grabbing two rolls of bandages, passing one to Mike.

“I- I don’t need you to bandage me. I can do it myself,” he grumbles, staring at the bed next to you.

With a dramatic sigh, you reach your hands up, wrapping them around his neck. You’d be damned if you didn’t get everyone after all the bullshit they’d put you through.

“Coward,” you tease, staring him dead in the eyes with a smile stretched across your lips.  
He blinks, his eyebrows rising on his forehead as his cheeks grew red.  
“P-pardon?” he stammers, finally meeting your gaze.

“Titans save me, I think I’ve fallen in love,” you sigh dramatically, pulling him down to your level. Recalling all those months ago when you’d first met the four of them.

“Are you going to leave again?” he whispers, placing a hand on the side of your jaw and tilting your chin slightly.

“I couldn’t leave even if I wanted to. I’ve been here too long,” you mumble, leaning forwards and pressing your lips to his. 

He meets you halfway, pushing back against you as he grips your jaw so you don’t pull back. You’re hyper aware of the fact you’re leaning against Mike’s chest as he chuckles, pressing a kiss to the back of your head. There’s a cheer from Hange as they’re bandaged by Levi, watching the two of you.

“Guess even the Captain can’t escape the three of you,” Levi grumbles as he finishes up Hange’s bandages.

“Guess you're stuck with me too, Captain,” you chuckle, finally coming up for air.

“There isn’t a better group to be stuck with,” Levi quietly whispers, staring holes into Hange’s back.

“Aww! We love you too Levi!” Hange declares, throwing their arms around him.

“Let me finish first, four-eyes!” he protests as they hug him.

A chuckle escapes your lips. Perhaps they were worth wasting your time on.


	7. Maria, Oh Maria (Start of Arc 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No one had expected Wall Maria to fall. All you could do was help pick up the damage and broken pieces. You'd just finished your work for the day when two small boys asked for help to find their uncle.
> 
> Your little family got a little bigger that day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a time-skip of a few years here between 'Waste Your Time' and the current chapter. Hope that makes sense <3

No one had expected an attack on the wall. You were not prepared by any means, even when you’d received notice of the wall breach it was too late for any of the scouts to launch into the action, the city already overrun with titans with no identity to the attacking titans.

So the scouts had been placed on damage control. Which meant your squad was currently responsible for a sector in the city where refugees from the Shiganshina district were being filtered.

Your squad, Rashad, Lauda, and Deiter’s squads had been given citizen care; locating lost children, identifying the dead, and passing out blankets and water.

Dirk, Marlene, and Klaus’s squads had tasked with finding all those dead they could. Darius and Levi’s squads were in charge of protecting Dirk, Marlene, and Klaus’s squads.

Hange and Harold’s squads were attending to the wounded.

Finally, Erwin and Mike were working together with the other military sections to make sure they had enough room and board for those displaced.

You’d been helping out a few families, finally reuniting the toddler who’d been separated from her parents. Wiping off your brow, you sat down on a nearby bench, checking over your list of tasks. You’d handed out all your supplies, checked up on the number of families you’d been required to look after, and identified a few of the dead bodies that’d been brought into the morgue.

It was about time you went to go see Erwin and Mike, you thought to yourself as you stood up from the bench. Turning to walk down the hall, something tugs on your pant leg, snagging your attention.

You turn towards what had snagged on your pants, staring at a skinny boy, no older than six, with short black hair and a narrow face. Tears were running down his cheeks as he clutched your pant leg, as well as the hand of the boy standing behind him. A slightly shorter boy with shaggy blond hair and eyes that kept darting everywhere.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” you quietly murmur, crouching down and taking out a handkerchief. “Did you lose your parents?”

The boy nods as you wipe the snot and tears on his face.

“W-we can’t find our uncle anywhere,” he sniffles.

“Okay calm down, deep breaths- I’ll help you find him. What’s your name?” you explain, watching him rub his eyes. How’d you manage to miss another family missing a kid?

“B-Bertolt,” he sniffles- “That’s Reiner,” he says, nodding to the blond next to him.

“It’s nice to meet you Bertolt and Reiner, I’m (Y/N). Why don’t we go find your uncle? Okay?” you state, rising up as Bertolt nods again. You startle slightly as Reiner reaches up, a nervous expression on his face.

“You want up?” you ask, crouching back down.

He nods his head slowly, glancing around the hallway.

“Alright, you can help point out your uncle then. Okay?” you hum, reaching forwards for Reiner.

“Me too?” Bertolt requests quietly.

You smile at him and nod, picking up first and placing him on your shoulders. He holds on tightly, producing a chuckle from your lips as you pick up Riener and place him on your hip. He curls in close, gripping your scout jacket.

“Are you two comfortable?” you double-check, waiting for a response.

“Yeah,” Bertolt confirms for you, signalling you to start walking again.

You head down the hall, back towards the large room where the refugees were currently allowed to relax to make it easier to do death counts and reconnect families. Bertolt and Reiner clung to you as you walked around, looking with them for anyone missing their kids. You even checked with your squad members as they passed by. No one had seen their uncle.

Eventually, you stumble upon one of the members of the Garrison responsible for Shiganshina’s protection.

“Hannes!” you call out, walking up to the older man with short blond hair and a scruffy mustache.

Reiner and Bertolt were still clinging to you, but you swore that Reiner had fallen asleep due to the even breathes against your side and his loser grip.

“Ah, well if it isn’t Captain (Y/N). Who you’ve got there? More orphans?” he chuckles, taking a swig of his flask.

“You’re one to talk. You practically crashed in here with two little ones yourself,” you retort, rolling your eyes with a huff.

“At least I knew where to find their dad so he could take care of ‘em,” Hannes points out, producing a small whimper from Bertolt.

“Hannes, now is not the time for grudges,” you admit with a huff, “Have you seen these two in your drunken hazes?”

He studies the kids for a moment, squinting as he looks them over with a critical eye. Or at least as critical as he could get while nearly black-out drunk.

“Nope. Never seen ‘em in my life. You could check with ma’ squad but I haven’t seen the squirts.”

“Hannes, some days you truly are no help,” you grumble, pinching the bridge of your nose with your free hand.

“Honest to the Gods (Y/N), I’ve never seen ‘em,” he defends himself. At least he was certain about something. Even if it was terribly unhelpful.

“Thanks anyway, I guess,” you grumble dismissively as you walk off to continue looking.

“(Y/N), wait-!” he calls out, shuffling to catch up to you- “Let me help. I finished my tasks, the least I can do is help look for their uncle.”

“You’re just saying that because you know Erwin would have your Commander tan your hide,” you sigh, waving your hand slightly.

“I’m saying it because it’s the polite thing to do,” he insists, grabbing your wrist and stilling your hand.

You look at him for a moment, scanning his face carefully. He’s void of anything but his usual drunken smile.

“Okay fine. Having help wouldn’t hurt.”

He grins at you as you continue to walk. He does actually help, despite being drunk, he goes from person to person, sharing the workload as you ask around if anyone had seen their uncle before. Each time you get the same response, ‘no’.

By the time that the sun was setting in the sky, you still haven't found their uncle. Hannes had walked off, taken away by his squad when his drunken mood turned from chipper to sullen, and then sobbing. You’d heard bits and pieces of his story over the years, his love for another man’s wife, yet he waited until nearly black-out to tell you she was eaten earlier. You were mostly appalled he’d say something so vulgar in front of the two children you were holding, but you let it slide. Everyone had seen the violence today.

“Sorry guys, I don’t know where they are,” you admit, patting Bertolt’s leg as you shifted Reiner, who’d started to slowly slip down your hip.

“It’s okay, thanks anyway,” Bertolt mumbles, resting his head on top of yours. You had to admit, it was getting heavy to keep holding them, but you knew how tired they were and right now you were focused on what you were going to do.

“Excuse me Captain, but I overheard you talking with a few people about these two, and-” someone behind you says, you whip around before they can finish speaking, coming eye to eye with an old lady, her white hair tied behind her head in a bun and a solemn smile on her face.

“Yes? Do you know their uncle?!” you ask excitedly, ready to go collapse knowing that they’d be safe and sound.

She shakes her head and your heart sinks in your chest.

“Not exactly. I saw them earlier with their uncle, but they’ve brought his body back from the city,” she says sadly, offering you and the two boys an apologetic smile, her brows creased up.

Your heart sank further into your chest as you registered her words.

“Thank you, ma’am, you’ve been a big help-” you say, turning and walking off. She gives you a warm smile as you turn around.

“Of course, dear. Take care.”

“Do you two have anyone else? An aunt? Your mom and dad? Grandparents?” you ask, looking up at Bertolt through the strands of hair in front of your face.

He shakes his head sleepily, rubbing his eyes.

“N-no… we haven’t seen them for months,” he admits with a quivering frown on his lips.

You reach up and pat his leg as your mind starts to form a plan. You’d already dismissed your squadron for the day, you weren’t even sure if anyone was around to take them. There were hardly any orphanages here, let alone one that would take two small kids from a Scout Regiment Captain. If you’d been an M.P. or a Garrison they would’ve been more lenient but all they’d see would be a scared Captain abandoning their kids.

“What happened to your family?” you ask after a long drawn out sigh.

“Plague,” Reiner grumbles, the first thing he’d said all day, “Uncle took us.”

The truth stung worse than you wish it had. These two were orphans. Without someone to adopt them they’d grow up on the streets, alone and cold and- before you could stop yourself, your mind had already started formulating a plan. Your legs moving on their own accord as you headed down the hall towards the meeting room that Erwin and Mike had been in all day.

At the very least, hopefully, you’d have Levi to back you up on this. It was a gamble, but you couldn’t bear to leave the two of them to the streets. Reiner was slightly bulky in your arms but you could still feel the outline of his ribs against your side. Bertolt was far too light on your shoulders to be considered anything but underweight. You couldn’t leave them to starve on the streets.

“How would you two like to come to stay with me for a while? I know it’s not the best but it’s better than finding you guys somewhere else to stay,” you suggest, walking down the hall slowly to give them time to reply.

“I know I’m not your family, but at least you’d have a roof over your heads.”

“You promise?” Bertolt whispers quietly.

You blink a few times before nodding your head, knowing he can see it.

“Of course. I said I’d help find your uncle, and we eventually did find him- so the least I can do is make sure you two are taken care of.”

“You’re really nice,” Reiner mumbles against your shirt, slumping against you.

“I’m just doing my job,” you dismiss. If this was their definition of nice, you were slightly concerned for how they were brought up. You brushed it off however as the sound of boots against wood sounded throughout the hallway.

Looking up, you saw a familiar scruffy blond man walking down the hallway in your direction.

“Mike!” you cheer, speed walking towards him so that the two little ones wouldn’t fall down.

“(Y/N)!” he calls back, running up to you and meeting you halfway.

Without warning, he lifts you up by the waist, spinning you around in his arms before setting you back down, his forehead resting against yours as he bends down slightly.

“Where have you been? We’ve heard reports from every squad but yours,” he inquires, focused on your eyes rather than the two children staring at him with wide eyes.

“Ugh, I told Deiter to tell you two that I was going to be later. Sorry love,” you apologize, offering him a small smile.

“It’s alright, I’m just glad you’re safe. What were you even doing all day? You’re supposed to be done with your tasks by now,” he rambles, finally noticing the two small boys clinging to you, watching him silently.

“I finished- I swear. I was coming to find you two and get you to take a break, but these two asked for help,” you emphasize your point by shifting Reiner up on your hip. “Hannes even tried to help, but we couldn’t find their uncle until…” you sigh, your sentence trailing off.

Mike reaches forwards, carefully taking Reiner off your hip, drawing a sigh of relief from your lips as he rests him against his chest. You reach up, copying the action with Bertolt to let your shoulders relax.

“Hannes helped you? That’s a new one,” Mike chuckles, gently cradling the back of Reiner’s head with his palm. Reiner had yet to protest, silently you swore you heard small snores from him.

“Yeah, it was weird. But then his squad took him home- he was shit-faced- so I was left alone. I didn’t get any information on their uncle until some old lady told me that- Marlene’s squad brought him in,” you sigh, Bertolt lets out a small whimper and you place a hand on his back, rubbing his back slowly as he wrapped his arms around your neck.

You watch Reiner clutch onto Mike’s shirt. A small smile stretched across your lips as Mike looked down at him, murmuring quietly.

“Are you all alone, little guy? No one left that you know?” he murmurs, mostly to himself.

“You know, we don’t have to take him to an orphanage, they-”

“Look like us? Yeah, the one in your arms is a freaky cross of Hange and Levi, and this one looks-” Mike muses with a smile, still enraptured with the tiny boy in his arms.

“Like you or Erwin, and me,” you finish, reclaiming your sentence.

“No one would question it. In the chaos, it would just be seen as a well-kept secret between the captains. We could even say they’re siblings if we had to,” he suggests, rubbing Reiner’s back gently.

“You think Erwin would be okay with it?” you ask, a smile gracing your lips as you watch Reiner curl his head into the crook of Mike’s neck.

“I think even shorty would be okay with it,” he chuckles, looking up to meet your gaze with a smile reflecting your own.

“Did he fall asleep on you?” you whisper as Bertolt’s breathing evens out against your neck.

“Mhm, poor little one’s all tuckered out. You?” he confirms, starting to walk, sticking close to your side.

“Fast asleep, I can’t imagine what they’ve seen today but I’m surprised they’ve stayed awake this long,” you muse, leaning your head against Mike’s shoulder as you walk.

“With the total count we had to calculate, far too much,” he admits with a sigh, trudging back to the conference room with you.

“I’m just glad I didn’t get many orphans today, two are heartbreaking enough,” you mutter, making small circles with your palm on Bertolt’s back.

“Tell me about it,” he agrees, rounding the corner with you.

“Fuck- I’m an idiot- The one you’re holding is Reiner, by the way, and the one I have is Bertolt,” you explain, grimacing at the fact it took you this long to introduce him.

“Thank you, love. But you’re not an idiot,” Mike hums, tilting his head to kiss the top of yours as you reach the conference room door.

Just as you reach out to open the door, it swings open- inwardly thankfully- and you come face to face with Pyxis.

“Ah, Scout Section Commander Mike, and Scout Captain (Y/N)!” he exclaims, causing both of the boys to stir on your chests.

You shoot a hand up to his mouth, muffling him as his eyes blow wide at the two kids in your arms.

“Garrison Commander Pyxis, it’s lovely to see you two. My apologies about that. May we have a word with Erwin?” you whisper, removing your hand from his mouth.

“Of course, I was just leaving. Going to get a drink or two, simmer down the old nerves,” he chuckles, patting you on the shoulder as he sneaks out of the room.

“If you see Hannes, tell him we found out about the uncle. Please, he was a big help today,” you say as he passes by.

“Will do, I’ll put a note down in his file about helping out,” Pyxis dismisses, waving a hand as he walks off down the hall towards the exit.

You sigh as soon as he is out of earshot, turning back to Mike who was trying to get Reiner to fall back to sleep.

“Sorry Reiner, he didn’t mean to wake you,” you murmur, rubbing the poor boy's back.

Reiner turns to you, reaching out his tiny hands.

“Mike, swap?” you quietly ask, looking up at Mike from where you were standing.

He nods his head calmly, turning slightly so he could lower Reiner down to you carefully. Once the boy was safe in your arms, you allowed him to pick up Bertolt from your chest. He was out cold, quietly snoring, and made no move to stir as he was shifted.

“How do you do that?” Mike ponders as he watches Reiner calm down, curling up against your chest and dozing off again.

“He was just disturbed from the noise, don’t take it personally. You got him to sleep in the first place,” you whisper, standing on the tips of your toes to kiss Mike’s cheek.

He chuckles, bending down to kiss your lips chastely as faint pink covers his cheeks.

“Are you two going to stand out here all night, or are you actually going to come in?” Levi asks from the other side of the door.

“Ah, right, sorry,” you flounder as Mike nudges the door open with his boot. Levi helps swing it open so the two of you can step inside.

In the room, there is a large table with a few teacups, a teapot, a bottle of whiskey, a couple of scones, several maps, and one very stressed Erwin with his head in his hands. Levi returns to his spot next to Erwin, tidying away the maps as you look about the room.

You’ve barely taken a step inside when the door swings open again, missing you by an inch, to reveal an out of breath Hange.

“Sorry, I’m late-! We had-” they pause to catch their breath- “We had a patient go into a manic state. We just got them calmed down and restrained,” they pant, their hands on their knees.

You let out a small groan as the tiny boy in your arms grips your shirt tightly, trying to curl in closer. Instinctively, you reach up, bouncing him slightly as you shuffle over to a seat.

“Ssh, it’s okay, I know they’re loud,” you murmur, rubbing circles against his back.

Out of the corner of your eye, you watch Hange shut the door as Erwin stands from his seat, walking over to you with wide eyes and his head tilted slightly. The exhaustion was still plainly written across his face, yet the small smile across his lips was present as he walked up to you.

When he reached you, he held his hands out, mouthing to you:

“May I?”

You nod your head, watching as he reaches down and carefully scoops him up from your arms. He shifted the jacket on his shoulders so that it covered the small boy as well, kissing the top of his head.

“Hey, there little one, what’s wrong? Did they scare you?” he murmurs, his hand resting on Reiner’s back.

“We had just gotten them back to sleep after Pyxis woke them back up, sorry Erwin I-” you started to apologize for being late when he cut you off.

“-There’s no need to apologize, dear. I heard your conversation with Pyxis. Another casualty to the titans?” he looked to you for confirmation, receiving a nod of your head.

“Marlene’s squad brought him in. They don’t have anyone else left- the plague- so I figured that maybe we could take care of them, they don’t really have anywhere else to go and they’re so skinny that if they were on the streets that-” you started to ramble on about your plan.

“Yes,” Erwin says, cutting you off. You blink, looking up to him with your eyebrows raised high.

“Pardon?”

“He said yes, as in we can keep them,” Levi clarifies quietly from the other side of you.

Turning around you could see him enraptured by Bertolt, gently brushing his hair with a slightly tilted head. You had to admit, you’d never seen Levi so calm. Even Hange had quieted down and was leaning against Mike’s shoulder to watch the small child.

“Thank you,” you whisper, kissing Erwin on the jaw.

“Even if I tried to stop you, you would’ve convinced me otherwise,” he chuckles, “Besides, they’re pretty cute. A good fit for us, since they look so much like us.”

You smile, leaning your head against Erwin’s chest, copying Hange, as you gaze at the two blonds holding the tiny boys. There was a certain domestic air about the whole situation, watching your lovers take care of the two children you’ve spent all day with.

“His name is Reiner, and the one Mike’s holding is Bertolt,” you whisper, brushing the hair back from the sleeping Reiner’s face.

“Two strong names for two strong children of the Scout Regiment’s leaders,” Erwin hums, pressing a kiss to Reiner’s head.

“We should go get dinner before these two wake up again so that we don’t have to scare them with walking through the streets,” Levi suggests, stepping back to stretch out his back.

“Good idea, I’m famished,” Erwin agrees with a smile as he drags his attention away from Reiner to Levi.

You smile as a yawn rolls through your body, your mouth stretching wide behind your hand.

“Let’s head out before (Y/N) falls asleep too,” Mike chuckles as you watch Levi take the sleeping Bertolt from him carefully.

“Come on, it was just a yawn,” you protest as Hange comes to stand next to you.

“Lean on me if you fall asleep, okay?” they offer, putting their arm around your waist.

“Thanks, Hange, let’s go. I’ve had enough of this morbid place for one day,” you mutter, slumping against Hange as the five of you- plus the two new additions- exit the office towards the Scout barracks.


	8. Long Nights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You're apparently missing someone.

Your footsteps echoed down the dark street as you walked back to the scout barracks. Mike wraps an arm around your waist as you hold Hange’s hand, Erwin and Levi walking behind you, holding Reiner and Bertolt.

The city is peaceful thankfully, allowing you to walk back home without having someone run out to ask for your autographs. Mike hums as you walk, gazing up at the night sky. There’s a chuckle behind you, turning your head you see a bleary-eyed Reiner lifting his head to watch Mike as he starts to sing. 

“Want to take him?” Erwin whispers as he walks faster so that he’s right behind you.

“You sure? You looked rather comfortable with him in your arms,” you hum, letting go of Hange’s hand in preparation of taking the boy.

“I could say the same to you,” Erwin chuckles, passing you Reiner gently so that he doesn’t fall. 

You take him, letting him rest on your hip and watch Mike sing, Hange moving to the back to hold Erwin’s hand instead. 

“Hey there little guy, I didn’t mean to wake you,” Mike whispers when he notices you holding Reiner, reaching out to ruffle his hair.

Reiner stares at him with wide eyes, clutching the front of your shirt.

“We’re almost at the barracks, you hungry?” you chuckle, leaning slightly against Mike again, who wraps his hand around your shoulders.

Reiner nods slowly, peering up at you.

“I bet he is, none of us have had anything to eat. I’m starving, I can’t imagine being shorter than Levi without food,” Hange comments from behind you.

“That’s not how food works, shitty-glasses,” Levi grumbles quietly as Bertolt sleeps against his chest.

“I haven’t had the stomach for food all day, we had scones to snack on, yet I didn’t have the appetite to eat,” Erwin confesses, smiling down at Levi holding Bertolt as he changes the conversation. 

“You need to eat Erwin, don’t forget to take care of yourself,” you say, kissing the top of Reiner’s forehead as he stares over your shoulder.

“I’ll eat dinner, I simply didn’t have the stomach for food while organizing the chaos today,” Erwin dismisses as you step into the scout barrack’s courtyard. “Besides, did you eat either?”

“I- um- well- I didn’t have time to get food, I was busy,” you stutter, avoiding looking him in the eyes.

“Exactly, so let’s get some food in everyone!” Hange declares, taking Erwin and Mike’s hands as they were the only two not holding toddlers, and dragging them towards the doors.

You chuckle, looking over at Levi as you follow after her.  
“You’re awfully protective of him,” you comment, taking in the sight of Levi slightly curled over Bertolt, the boy’s chin resting in the crook of Levi’s neck.

“Just don’t want the brat getting lost,” Levi grumbles quietly, his head tilted away from Bertolt to avoid waking him up.

A knowing smile graces your lips as you revel in how protective he is of the small boy.

“You’re doing a great job so far,” you assure him as Hange comes back through the doors.

“Come on you two are carrying hungriest ones of us all, stop taking forever,” they lecture, a flustered look on their face. You silently wonder what got them so upset.

“Alright, hold your horses shitty-glasses,” Levi sighs, quickening his pace to follow her to the mess hall.

A breathy chuckle escapes your lips as Hange triumphantly herds the two of you into the mess hall. As you step inside, the loud shouts of animated drunken conversation hit your ears and you smile, at least they can find a fragment of peace during this event. 

Reiner peers at the drunken scouts as you scan the room for Erwin and Mike, finding them sitting at the usual table as they wait for you and Levi. It seems that they’d already made several trips to the kitchen, as there are enough bowls of food for everyone, including the kids. 

“Shit- sorry, we have to eat,” you hear Levi murmur next to you. Tilting your head you see Bertolt looking around with large eyes, attempting to hide in Levi’s jacket. 

As you walk to the tables, you walk closer to Levi’s side to get Bertolt’s attention.  
“Hey, Bertolt look, Reiner’s right here,” you whisper, trying to not draw attention to the fact you and Levi were carrying two kids.

Bertolt looks over with wide eyes, relaxing immediately when he sees Reiner staring back at him. 

“Reiner!” Bertolt declares triumphantly as you reach the table.

“Seems like someone’s finally awake,” Mike chuckles, standing up and rounding the table, “They’ll reach the table better if they sit on Erwin and I’s laps,” he explains, reaching out for Bertolt.

“As long as you eat as well,” you request, passing Reiner over to Mike. 

Mike smiles and nods his head, walking back over to sit down next to Erwin. During your small swap, Levi had walked over and sat down next to Erwin, Bertolt moving to sit on his lap. You take a seat next to Hange, who immediately scoots over until you’re thighs touch. Your cheeks turn a faint pink as you rest your left hand on their right hand. Though your relationship was anything but new, you still felt like a crushing teen around all of them.

“You would not believe the number of patients we had in the first-aid station! It was like the plague all over again, we had people…” Hange started to animatedly discuss while you started to eat.

Reiner and Bertolt watched them as they scarfed down the food in front of them. You tilted your head towards your left so you could watch their big smile as they went on about their interests. Hange was never one to be quiet about their interests, always animated with big gestures as they explained even the smallest theories. It was enrapturing.

Dinner sped by, any stares from the scouts around you going unnoticed until a recent recruit passed by Mike’s side, her wide eyes as she stared down at the small boy in his lap.

“Captain is that your nephew?” Petra asked one of Levi’s squad members.

Mike chuckled and shook his head as Reiner peers up at her.  
“Nah, he’s my son. It’s a long story,” Mike corrected her, giving her a kind smile. The one that you knew meant ‘fuck off, but I’m too polite to tell you too’. 

“Well, both of them are absolutely adorable. Congratulations you five,” she hums, putting her hands over her eyes before opening them. Reiner giggles in Mikes’s lap as you lace your fingers with Hanges, their head falling onto your shoulder.

“Thank you, Cadet. Have a goodnight,” Erwin says with a polite smile as she continues to walk past the table.

“You too, Captains and Commander!” she calls, returning to the rest of Levi’s squad as they exit the mess hall. 

“Don’t worry, they’re on the nightshift,” Levi chuckles to himself as he takes a sip from his tea.

“You’re not staying up to supervise them, Levi?” Erwin questions.

“Klaus is watching them with his squad, he said he could handle it and that ‘I need more sleep or I’ll fall asleep standing up one of these days,” Levi shrugs, air-quoting as he speaks.

A small snort escapes you as Bertolt copies him, trying to air quote as well.  
“I think you have a little copy-cat there Levi,” you point out, changing the subject away from Levi’s sleep patterns to avoid another argument. 

“Let’s hope that’s all he copies, we can barely happy one angry, short Captain,” Hange jokes as Levi ruffles Bertolt’s hair.

“I’d be more worried about another brainiac Commander. The world can only handle so many,” you add, nodding your head to Reiner as he reaches for Mike’s coffee.

“Hey that’s not yours, little man- it’s too hot for you,” Mike scolds, moving the mug further away from Reiner, causing him to pout.

“Perhaps we should get them to bed before we worry about any of them taking after our brilliance,” Erwin chuckles, shaking his head at the pouting Reiner as he tries and grabs Erwin’s whiskey glass.

“I think you’re right, he’s starting to get pouty,” you agree, gently rubbing Hange’s shoulder until they sit up straight, rubbing their eyes with their glasses on top of their head.

“I could go for some sleep,” Hange murmurs as the five of you stand up from the table, clearing away your dishes and setting them in a stack at the end of the table like requested by the kitchen staff.

“Of course you can, love, you look exhausted,” Mike whispers, coming to stand next to them, allowing them to rest their head on his side as he passes Reiner back to you.

“I’m not exhausted, just tired,” they protest as Levi and Erwin lead the three of you out of the mess hall and up the stairs to the Captain’s quarters.

A wave of relief washes over you when you enter the room, a sigh you didn’t know you were holding in escaping your lips. Even Reiner seems to relax on your chest as you cross over to the bed to set him down on the edge of the bed.

“I think we have spare clothes around here somewhere, I’ll go find them,” Erwin declares, stepping back out into the hall as Levi sets Bertolt down on the bed next to Reiner.

“Don’t take too long honey,” you call after him as he closes the door. Kissing the top of Reiner’s head, you dig out yourself some clean underwear, Mike coming up behind you, holding out one of his shirts to you.

“I know they comfort you to wear them,” he murmurs, bending down to kiss your forehead.

“Thanks, Mike,” you whisper, tilting your head up and kissing him on the lips. He winds a hand around your waist, pulling you closer to him as he cups the back of your head. 

“Anything for you,” he mumbles when you pull apart for air. With a small smile, he lets you go to distract the boys so that you, Hange, and Levi could change without them staring at you. 

He sits on the bed with the two of them facing him;  
“So, do you two have any friends back home?”

“Yeah! Annie! She was always with us-”

“-Our uncle was watching her too!” the boys replied, sleepy tones to their voice as they beamed up at Mike.

Your eyes met Erwin’s, who had just reentered the room, the doorknob in his hand. His wide eyes matched yours as a tense aura fell over the room. 

“Do you know where she went? Does she have a family?” Mike presses, trying to mask the anxiety in his voice.

“Not here, uncle was taking care of her too,” Reiner says, shaking his head.

You pull Mike’s shirt over your head, tucking it into your pants as you buckled the belts around your legs.  
“Levi, I just remembered that I was supposed to help Klaus with the nightshift,” you lied, meeting Levi’s equally worried gaze.

“I must’ve forgotten too, make sure to keep a close eye on Petra, she’s a handful,” Levi replied back, moving closer to Bertolt, crouching down to distract him Erwin passed the clothes for Bertolt and Reiner to Hange.

“I’ll be back later tonight, sleep well, okay?” you say, holding the door open as Erwin grabs both of your jackets and steps out into the hall. You follow after him. 

“Check the records first?” you ask, jogging to the stairs, taking them two at a time.

“Way ahead of you,” Erwin agrees, running down the stairs at the same pace as you.

You nod your head, reaching the land and bolting towards the courtyard. Erwin has the ODM gear out of their containers faster than you can reach the horses. He passes you one, allowing you to attach it to your belts.

You stick close to him as you launch yourselves through the city towards the church that was being used to hold refugees. Your feet touching the ground before you can register them leaving it in the first place. 

The halls move by quickly as you follow Erwin towards the office that he’d been cooped up in with Mike all day. He passes you one of the records, already flipping through the other one as you search for the name ‘Annie’. 

“Here! Found it!” you declare, your finger on the name ‘Annie Leonhardt’. He’s at your side quickly, scanning over the line.

“Parents, deceased. Family, unknown. Status, orphan, to be moved to orphanage tomorrow,” Erwin reads out loud.

“It says she’s here, Erwin. We have to hurry, the sun will be up soon,” you whisper, his hand resting on your back.

“She has blonde hair, look for a mini-me,” he mumbles as your feet start to move on their own.

The sound of frantic footsteps fills the halls as you and Erwin race towards the part in the church where refugees were being helped in. The image of a scared little girl playing constantly in your mind. All you could do was hope she was still here- that she was still alive.

You fling the door to the room open, speedwalking down the nearest aisle, staring at each person in the row. Most people were sitting around, quietly whispering to themselves, you couldn’t blame them, you weren’t in the mood to sleep after dealing with the aftermath. You couldn’t imagine how they felt. 

One of the Military Police notice your frantic searching- or perhaps they notice that the Commander and a Captain of the Scout Regiment are disturbing people trying to rest. A man with jagged black hair and the world’s worst goatee/mustache combo approaches you.

“Erwin? Is there something I can help with?” he asks, walking up to your left side.

“Ah, Nile! I didn’t expect you to- these are terrible circumstances, but, Nile this is (Y/N), (Y/N) this is my friend you never met when we were training,” Erwin introduces you, as you politely extend your hand to him. He takes it and shakes it firmly. 

“Nice to meet you- have you see a little girl, around six or so, with blond hair?” you ask, focused on your original goal.

“You’ll have to be more specific, we’ve seen a lot of kids today,” he presses, releasing your hand.

“Her name is Annie, she should be alone and looking for her uncle,” Erwin explains, resting a hand on the small of your back.

Nile raises an eyebrow at the comment.  
“Erwin are you-”

“No, Nile. Have you see her or not?”

“Yeah, she’s been sitting with me and Grisha’s kids for a while,” he shrugs, turning around and walking back towards his station. You walk quickly behind him, grabbing Erwin’s hand and holding it tightly.

“Has Grisha come to get them?” Erwin asks on the walk back.

“Yeah, he always does- according to Keith, and the two of them. They’ll be fine,” Nile shrugs off the comment.

Your focus was on Annie rather than whoever Grisha’s kids were. When he finally stopped walking your eyes rested on the blonde girl glaring at the ground, her knees pinned to her chest by her arms as two small kids snore quietly next to her. 

You crouch down in front of her, Erwin’s hand on your back once more as he crouches down next to you.  
“Hey there, are you Annie?” you whisper quietly as she glares at you instead of the floor.

She nods her head sharply, glancing up to Nile.

“Don’t worry kiddo, you can trust them,” he chuckles, sitting down on the bench next to her.

“Your uncle was taking care of you? Your cousins are Bertolt and Reiner, right? ” you press, trying to coax the answer out of her.

Her eyes light up at the mention of Bertolt and Reiner, a sense of familiarity filling her expression.  
“Are- are they okay?”

“Yeah, they’ve been with me all day. Do you want to come to see them?” you offer quietly.

“Is uncle with them?” she quickly says after you finish talking.

You shake your head slowly, looking down at the ground.  
“Sorry sweetie, but your uncle isn’t with anyone anymore.”

Two small feet hit the ground in front of your gaze, looking up you see her standing, brushing off her skirt.  
“Can I see them?”

You nod your head, standing up and offering your hand out to her. She takes it, holding it tightly.  
“Of course. My name’s (Y/N), and this is Erwin,” you tell her, gesturing towards Erwin as he takes her other hand.

She nods her head, understanding your words as you start to walk again. 

This time you don’t run through the halls as you exit the church. Annie stays close between the two of you as you walk down the street back to the scout barracks. All of you stay quiet, focusing on your own footsteps. You would offer to fly back using ODM gear but you need both hands to maneuver them, and you’d rather not put Annie in danger to get back quicker.

Finally reaching the scout barracks, Erwin waits as you take your gear off before walking over to store it away while you stay with Annie. She peers around the barracks with wide eyes as you wait for Erwin to return.

“Annie, you see that window up there?” you ask, pointing out your bedroom window to distract her.  
“Yeah?”

“That’s where Reiner and Bertolt are. Pretty cool, right?” you beam at her, attempting to lighten the mood.

She smiles back, a tiny thin line as she continues to hold your hand.  
“Can we go see them?”

“Of course we can come on, just a few more steps,” Erwin hums, returning to take her other hand.

She smiles at him too, allowing you and Erwin to lead her into the Scout barracks, and past the mess-hall. You take the stairs slowly, she refuses to let either of you pick her up so you go at her pace until you reach the top.

Erwin knocks on the door first to let the others know you’re back. In response, Hange opens the door, a finger pressed to their lips.

“They refuse to sleep without you two,” they confess, opening the door wide enough for you to step inside.

“That’s alright, we’re back now. And we brought someone too,” you smile, nodding your head down to Annie as she peers up at Hange.

Hange crouches down once the door is closed behind you.  
“Hi there, you must be Annie. Are you hungry? I can go get you something to eat,” they ask quietly.

Annie shakes her head:  
“Nile gave me some bread. I’m okay.”

“Let me know if you want more, okay kiddo?” Erwin says, walking over and grabbing one of the spare kid-sized shirts for her.

She nods her head quietly, peering into the room. It’s a split-second before there’s a loud shout of her name and two young boys run across the room to pull her into a bone-crushing hug. She stiffens, grumbling a bit as she hugs them back.

A smile spreads across your face as you wait for them to pull apart from one another.

“Come on you two, (Y/N) and Erwin is back, it’s time for bed,” Mike orders, walking over to herd them back towards the bed where Levi’s sitting.

“Fine,” Reiner grumbles, making Mike chuckle as he helps them onto the bed. 

You move about the room to change into your sleepwear. Looking down, you see a tiny Annie copying you, a stern expression on her face as she changes into her nightclothes too. You smile softly, reaching down to undo her hair so that it rests against her neck.  
“Come on little one, let’s get you into bed,” you whisper, walking over to the bed hoping she’d follow.

She does, quietly, allowing for you to place her down on Mike’s other side as he sits up to allow you onto the bed. 

Levi has apparently been pinned down by Bertolt, Reiner sleeping on his left arm and Annie curled up on his right. Hange’s curled up around Bertolt, with Erwin resting against her back. Mike allows you to settle down between him and Reiner, waiting until you’re settled to rest his chin on top of yours.

With a smile, you rest your hand under your head, watching the rise and fall of Reiner’s chest as you quietly drift off into sleep. It really has been a long day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you think I'd forget about the good bean, Annie? Preposterous!


	9. Keep Me Close

Sunlight nudged you awake from the other side of your eyelids as you opened them to find yourself sandwiched between Erwin and Mike, with Reiner, Bertolt and Annie laying across the three of you. Mike’s arm was draped across Reiner’s back- who was currently laying on your stomach- with Bertolt tucked between you and Erwin. Annie was draped across Mike’s back and your stomach like a lazy cat.

You were completely boxed in, unable to sit up more than a few inches to peer over Mike. Levi and Hange were nowhere in sight, the only indication of them being the chattering down the hall of Hange’s familiar voice.

“-So I told Moblit that it’s his turn to fill out the paperwork. I’m tired of always accounting for the failed experiments!” Hange exclaimed, swinging the door to the room open.

“They are your experiments,” Levi pointed out, “You’re accountable for their failure.”

“So?! He can take some responsibility for spill vials,” Hange whined as they shut the door closed.

“What time is it?” you yawned, staring at them from the slightly propped-up position as Reiner continued to snore on your chest.

“A little bit past eight, we let you and command central sleep in for today. The Garrison and M.P. said they’d handle the rest since we found ourselves preoccupied,” Hange shrugged, walking over and setting the tray of coffee mugs down on the coffee table.

“Hange, you didn’t mention the-?” you started to say, looking down at the three sleeping kids.

“No, Pyxis apparently did, and the M.P. got word from Nile,” Hange shrugged their shoulders, staring down at the bed with a bemused smile.

“In short, we have the day off because all of the militaries now know we adopted three kids,” Levi grumbles, setting a bag of scones down next to the tray.

“Five more minutes,” Mike pleaded next to you, pulling you back down to the bed with a soft thud.

You turned your head to him, checking his face for any sign of life, yet you found him still dead to the world.

“He’s still asleep- speaking of adoption though, is there any paperwork we need to fill out? Any requests?” you ask, complying with the sleeping teddy bear and continuing to lay down.

“Well, since they’re technically already wards of the crown, we just need to sign our names under the correct lines-” Hange started.

“They’re ours legally already. Erwin has a stamp for his signature that’s for when the captains have to sign a document but there’s not enough space. We stamped the papers and sent them in,” Levi explains, sitting down on the armchair next to the coffee table.  
“Levi! That’s a forgery! That’s illegal!” you exclaimed in shock, saying it to quickly to catch your volume.

“What’s a forgery?” Erwin mumbles next to you, lifting his head a little off the pillow with a yawn.

“Congratulations Erwin! We’re parents!” Hange exclaims, forgetting her volume as well.

He blinks at her, yawning a little and moving his arm to rub his eyes. He’s about to say something- his mouth opening- when you feel stirring next to you. He looks down at the same time to see Bertolt curl close to his chest, whimpering quietly.

The room drops into silence as the four awake members look at him with furrowed brows. However, for Erwin, there’s no hesitation to scoop him up gently until he’s laying on top of Erwin’s chest, his large hand resting on his tiny back.

“Ssh little one, it’s okay,” he murmurs, rubbing small circles on Bertolt’s back.

You tilt your head, cradling it in your hand as you gaze up at him with a small smile across your lips.  
“I don’t think the Commander has any protests,” you chuckle quietly.

“He’s a natural,” Mike whispers in agreement, causing you to turn your head quickly to him. 

Mike stares back at you with a tired grin, unmoving so that he didn’t disturb Annie.  
“At least I’m not the last one yup,” he jokes, pressing a kiss to your cheek.

“Oh-! Right! We brought breakfast!” Hange chirped happily, attempting to suppress their naturally loud behaviour as they motion towards the food on the coffee table while Levi bends down to get himself his cup of tea.

“Thank you Hange. Since we have the day off, why don’t you climb back into bed and we’ll worry about everything else later,” you offer, waving your hand for both of them to come.

Levi shakes his head in bemusement, hiding a small smile behind his cup as he bends down to undo his boots. 

Hange nearly tips overtaking their boots off, passing Mike the tray of cups before crashing down in front of you. Mike awkwardly balances the tray, still trying not to move so he didn’t disturb Annie. 

Levi gracefully sits down next to Erwin, resting his hand over Erwin’s on Bertolt’s back. The two of them exchange a worried look as they attempt to comfort the small boy, still lost in his nightmare.

“So? What should we do first?” Hange asked, leaning on their elbows as they open the bag of scones so that they could grab a butterscotch and vanilla-flavoured one. 

“Eat, Hange,” you chuckle, taking out a strawberry and a chocolate scone, breaking it in half. The chefs in the mess-hall always made fresh scones for the captains, some of the best scones you’ve ever had.

“Can I have some?” a small voice whispered. Your eyes find Annie rubbing her eyes with her fist as she sits up between Mike’s legs.

“Of course, we got a few extra. Pick whichever one you want,” Hange chirps happily, showing her the bag so she can choose.

Annies’s eyes go wide as she looks at the other adults in the room. It doesn’t take much to discern the level of distrust she had in you- in everyone. You nod your head as her eyes meet yours, silently telling her it was okay.

While she digs through the bag for a white and milk chocolate swirl, you sit up. Shifting to lean against the wall behind the bed. You make sure that Reiner is laying comfortable on your chest, his tiny fists balled in your shirt. 

Reiner doesn’t stir on your chest, but your attention does catch away from Mike shifting so that Annie can sit properly to your other side, as Bertolt lets out another whimper, curling closer to Erwin. You hear a small sniffle as Erwin looks down at the boy, his brow furrowing further.

“He does that sometimes,” Annie says from her spot on the bed. You turn your head towards her, tilted slightly. “They both do.”

“Do you know why?” you ask calmly, trying to not convey the level of worry you have.

She shrugs her shoulders.  
“I’m not sure the exact reason. It started when Uncle took us.”

“What do you mean ‘took’? Didn’t he take care of you after your parents died?” Mike questions, taking a scone from Hange- a blueberry and vanilla scone.

“Our parents didn’t want us anymore,” she mumbles, pulling her knees to her chest as she takes large bites from the scone as if someone would take it from her at any moment. 

You look up to meet Hange’s gaze, knowing that Erwin and Levi were sharing the same look, as Mike reaches down to place his hand on her back.

“What did- what did he do to you three?” he asks quietly, lowering himself to her level. He usually enjoys towering over people, there have only been rare occasions he’s lowered himself, sensitive ones. Like when Levi had a breakdown about Kenny, or when Hange lost another one of her experiments. 

“It doesn’t matter- you can’t fix what he did. He’s gone and he’s never coming back. I made sure of it, to protect them,” she hisses, glaring down at the bedsheets. She makes no move to remove Mike’s hand.   
As if on some sort of twisted cue, Bertolt lets out a pained wail, pleading for someone to stop. 

“NO! PLEASE! LET ME GO!” he sobs, his body unmoving yet Erwin and Levi remove their hands, staring down at him in shock and worry.

Reiner shoots awake on your chest in response, shouting in Bertolt’s direction.  
“NO! DON’T HURT HIM-!” he freezes, staring at Erwin and Levi out of confusion, and the hand- your hand, that he’d flung off himself.

“Hey- hey, ssh, it’s okay. No one’s hurting him, he’s dreaming,” you whisper, placing your hand on his back with a soft voice.

“But- I- He- you promise?” he whimpers, looking from you to Bertolt with wide eyes.

“Erwin, can you-?” you start to ask, tilting your head on a small angle.

He nods his head, scooting over before you can finish your sentence so that he was sitting hip to hip. Reiner reaches over, placing a hand on Bertolt’s shoulder and peering at his face.

“See? He’s sleeping,” you whisper quietly, catching Bertolt’s tear-streaked face with his eyes screwed shut.

“He always is, Reiner,” Annie assures him, coming to stand between your knees as she pats him on the head stiffly.

“I know- but he was-” Reiner stutters, tears peaking out at the corners of his eyes.

“Scone?” Annie offers, holding out a double-chocolate scone to him.

He stares at her, his back to you as he carefully reaches out for the scone. Annie takes a seat between your knees, Reiner sitting down in your lap as he takes small bites of the scone.

There’s a tense moment shared between the adults as you look around to see Hange’s face reflecting Reiners, Mike sitting closer to you as well, with Levi sitting in his lap now, his arms curled around him, and Erwin paying a close eye to Bertolt.

“Levi, you need to eat too,” you whisper quietly, attempting to gently break the silence.

He swallows thickly, reaching for one of the scones from the bag - raspberry and chocolate flavoured scone -, carefully biting into it. You nod your head in approval before turning to Erwin and offering half off your scone - he was never one to eat very much for breakfast -. 

He nods his head in thanks, taking it from you with a slightly shaking hand. You wait until he’s taking the scone from you before placing your hand over the top of his.

“Breath, honey. Just breath,” you mumble quietly, meeting his gaze. His eyes tell a story, the same one as always - an over-worked and over-worried man.   
He lets out a shaky breath, exhaling slowly.  
“I know. It’s just hard,” he whispers back, kissing your forehead. 

“The best we can do is take it a day at a time,” you remind him, offering him a small smile. 

He smiles back, a thin tiny line with curved edges before his head turns quickly to his chest. Following his gaze, you see Bertolt sitting up, rubbing his eyes as he looks around.

“Bertolt!” Reiner and Annie exclaim, shooting up from their seats to stand next to Erwin’s side, wrapping their arms around their friend with their unfinished scones in their hands.

“Annie! Reiner!” he exclaims back, hugging them with the same tight grip. You slump to the side, resting your head on Erwin’s shoulder as your hand finds Hange’s, gripping it tightly. 

When they eventually pull back, they offer Bertolt one of the scones, and you watch as his eyes go wide at the notion of food. He eats it quickly, unlike Annie and Reiner, scarfing it down nearly whole. 

The tense air around the adults remains, yet the kids seem oblivious to it. Whatever has happened to these three, it’s a past they can’t leave behind. You know that the walls didn’t protect you from the monsters that humans could be, yet you never hoped to see it manifest in such away. You know this is particularly hard for Levi as well since he had to undergo the evils of the world. 

“You know, since we have a day off, why don’t we get you three, some toys and new clothes?” Erwin proposes, looking down at the three kids who’d clambered their way onto his lap.

“New-”

“-Toys?” Reiner and Bertolt echo each other, staring up at him in confusion, their eyebrows pressed together as they try and comprehend what he said.

“Yeah, and some clothes too. We need to get you guys some things to fill your rooms with,” you chime in, agreeing with Erwin.

“We get our own rooms?” Annie asks quietly, turning her disbelief towards you instead.

“If you want. Your own private spaces,” you explain, smiling back at her in hopes it would reassure her.

She stares at you, finishing the last of her scone quickly. 

“Can we still sleep together?” Bertolt asks quietly. 

You struggle to find the right words, unsure of what they’ve gone through and not wanting to send the wrong messages. Eventually, you reply with:  
“As long as you’re just sleeping, and not staying up past your bedtimes.”  
He nods his head quickly, beaming up at you as Mike shuffles off the bed, sitting on the edge as he attaches his prosthetic so that he can have the freedom of movement.

“Well if we’re going to get you three, some new things, we better go now, before it gets dark,” Mike states, walking over to the dresser to dig out some clean clothes. 

“Mike’s right. Would you three mind moving so I can stand up?” Erwin chuckles awkwardly, waiting as the three of them scoot off his legs so he can stand up. You watch him cringe as the blood returns to his body with a chuckle.

“Damnit! I don’t have clean shirts left!” Hange whines from their drawer, their shoulders slumping forwards.

“I’ve got one, hang on pumpkin,” you assure her, scooting off the bed to the dresser. You push your way in front of Mike to see into your drawer for a shirt.

“(Y/N), there are kids here,” Mike chuckles, placing a hand on your back. 

“You thought of it,” you hum, pulling out a shirt from the drawer- “Ah ha! Here you go pumpkin!” you exclaim, holding the shirt out to Hange.

“I don’t know, Mike might want that too,” they tease, taking the shirt and pulling it over their shoulders to button it up in the front.

“You two are the worst. Erwin! Save me!” you whine at Erwin, standing in the bathroom as he tries not to cut himself as he shaves away his stubble.

“Did Levi leave you to the wolves again?” Erwin chuckles, stepping out of the bathroom with his face still covered in shaving cream.

There are a few snickers from the bed as the kids catch a glimpse of him over Levi’s shoulder as he hands them clean clothes for the day.

“I’ve got bigger priorities,” Levi grumbles, trying to convince Reiner that pulling the shirt over his head won’t make Bertolt or Annie disappear forever.

“Betrayer,” Erwin scoffs as he pulls you from between Mike and the dresser. “Come on darling, you can help me attempt to not cut my face open.”

You snort, shaking your head as you follow him to the bathroom.   
“You could just admit you’re terrible at shaving,” you suggest as Erwin sets you down on the counter.

“I don’t understand- I’m brilliant with blades, yet tiny ones-” he whines, tilting his head while you pick up the razor blade.

“Are your arch-enemy,” you chuckle, pressing the blade to his skin. He hums in response as you shave the stubble away.  
Eventually, Levi comes to stand next to Erwin, easily shaving his own face as you tidy up Erwin. You hear Mike’s voice from the bedroom as he talks to the kids:

“Why do you have a metal leg?” Bertolt points out.

“It’s super high tech. The next advancement in military equipment. It’s super-secret though, so don’t tell anyone you saw it,” he chuckles.

“Woah! Really?! What does it do?” the three of them ask.

“It helps me to protect the world from Titans! It’s a titan stunning device!” he showboats.

“That’s awesome!” Reiner exclaims as you hear the familiar clink of Mike’s leg buckles.

“Mike, are you ready to stop telling military secrets and go? Or should we wait until you tell the story of how you lost your leg?” you chuckle, walking out of the bathroom to finish getting dressed.

“Oh come on, darlin’. Can’t a guy showboat a little? They’re just kids,” he protests, walking up behind you and placing his hands on your hips, his chest pressed against the back of your head.

You shake your head with a chuckle, buttoning up your shirt.  
“It was still the biggest regret of my career that you lost your leg,” you admit with a sigh.

His headrests in the crook of your neck, his warm breath against your skin.   
“Sorry (Y/N), I didn’t mean it that way.”

“I know you didn’t… it’s just painful,” you whisper back to him, reaching up to rest your hand on the back of his head.

“(Y/N)? Are you okay?” Reiner asks, drawing your attention to the small boy at your knee. 

Your attention shifts from the painful subject of Mike’s leg to the small kid, reaching down to scoop him up in your arms.

“I’m doing alright kiddo. How about you? Get enough to eat?” you question, pressing your finger to his nose.

“Yeah, Hange wanted me to ask if you were ready?” he giggles, smiling at your finger.

“Yup, let’s get going kiddo,” you agree, taking Mike’s hand and giving it a tiny squeeze as your eyes sweep the room to make sure you weren’t leaving anyone behind.

Satisfied you had everyone, you headed out to the hall to where everyone else was waiting. Today was a new day. A new experience. A new chapter in your life. Time to start it right.


	10. In My Arms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone needs some good fluff

Reiner takes your hand, holding it tightly as the group steps into the busy streets of Trost. People hurry past you as you look down at the three little kids being carefully watched by your partners.

“Now remember, stay with us at all times. If you can’t see your buddy at any point, find the nearest one of us, or person wearing the symbol on your wrist band,” Erwin says, standing on the other side of Bertolt as he holds Levi’s hand.

Bertolt nods to him, standing close to Levi. Annie hovers near the two of them, Hange holding her hand as she glances around at people walking past. You shrink closer to Mike’s side, glancing around at the crowd as you start to walk. Taking the silent hint, Mike rests his hand on the small of your back, a comforting gesture that helps keep you grounded.

“Where to first?” he hums, looking down at you and Reiner as you walk behind Levi and Erwin.

“We should get them clothes first, so they don’t have to wear the scouts emergency clothes,” Levi states, guiding the group down a separate street. Thankfully this one is less busy, allowing you to breathe a little bit more.

“Good idea, Levi. We should probably get them something with the Scouts logo on it, so they know where to bring them back to if they get lost,” Hange says, looking down to Annie, “Not that you’d let them get lost miss Serious,” they chuckle as Annie shakes her head, continuing to watch Reiner and Bertolt.

“They’re idiots. They’ll just get lost without me,” Annie grumbles, reaching out and taking Reiner’s hand.

“Hey! I’m not an idiot! You are!” Reiner protests, sticking his tongue out at her.

Annie gives him a look that could equate to a grumpy cat as she shakes her head.

A chuckle escapes your lips at their interaction, watching as Bertolt looks back at them with his bottom-lip stuck out in a pout.

“Guys, don’t fight please,” he pleads, drawing the attention of Erwin and Levi as Levi’s reaching for a shop door.

“Safe it for the barracks, brats,” Levi grumbles, pushing open the door, “Don’t upset Bertolt.”

“He started it!”

“She started it!” 

You shake your head, walking into the tiny shop as Mike holds the door open for you. It’s a quiet shop, with child-sized mannequins dotting the room to display various outfits that are deconstructed in bulk next to them. 

“Come on, let’s find you three some clothes before the short-stack has an aneurysm,” Hange laughs as they guide Annie over to one of the display mannequins.

You crouch down to Reiner’s level, Mike standing next to you as he looks around.  
“You can pick out anything you want in this shop, okay? And if you behave, we’ll get ice cream before we return to the barracks,” you offer, smiling at the small blond boy as he stares at you with wide eyes.

“Promise?” he whispers quietly, wide eyes staring at you with his eyebrows furrowed upwards, his mouth slightly parted.

You nod your head in confirmation.  
“I swear on my honour,” you assure him, reaching out and ruffling his hair.

He let’s out a small, melodic giggle at the gesture, stepping forwards and wrapping his arms around your midsection. You pull your arms around him, holding him close as he grins into your shirt.

“Carry me?” he asks quietly, looking up at you with a bright smile.

“Alrighty, up we go,” you chuckle, picking him up by the waist and adjusting him so he sits on your hip. 

Mike smirks down at you as Reiner beams out across the displays.  
“You spoil him,” he points out as you move to pick out clothes with Reiner’s help.

“Oh hush, like I don’t spoil you as well,” you hum, passing him another shirt.

He rolls his eyes, shaking his head slightly as a wide grin rests across his lips. He’s holding a basket of clothes, various items that match Reiner’s size.

“(Y/N)! Mike! Erwin! Levi! Look!” Hange calls out across the shop, drawing your attention to where they had been talking with the shop clerk. Currently the clerk held up a child-sized version of your scout jacket.

“We sell them for children who want to grow up to be scouts. They’re quiet the popular item,” the clerk chuckles as Erwin’s eyes sparkle at the sight of the jacket.

“Can you embroider something on the bottom for us?” Hange asks, leaning across the counter.

“For so many high-ranking Scouts, anything,” the clerk smiles at them. 

You drone out rest of the conversation as you turn back to your shopping, however, you get the gist of what is discussed: Hange requested three jackets with each child’s name embroidered at the bottom, below the symbol.

“Think we have enough?” Mike asks from behind the bundle of clothes he holds in his arms, after Hange finished their arrangements and discussion with the clerk.

“Hm… what do you think, Reiner?” you prompt the boy, looking down at him as he nods his head up and down enthusiastically.

“I think so, why don’t we check on the others to see if we’re ready to go?” you propose, adjusting Reiner so he was sitting more comfortably on your side.

“You got it, Captain,” Mike teases, bending down to press a kiss to your forehead.

You shake your head, letting out a chuckle as you scan the room for the rest of your ‘squad’. You spot Erwin and Levi talking with Bertolt as they stand near the display, and Hange waiting at the door with Annie. 

“We ready to get going?” you ask, walking up to Erwin and Levi as Mike heads to the counter.

“Just waiting on you, and Erwin to decide on what colour sweater to get,” Levi groans, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Did you ask Bertolt?” you propose, arching your eyebrow at Erwin currently holding up a navy blue, and forest green sweater. 

“He did, Bertolt can’t decide,” Levi sighs, shrugging his shoulders at Erwin.

“Then just get both?” you suggest, attempting to resolve the situation so that you could leave the store quicker.

“Brilliant idea, (Y/N)!” Erwin declares triumphantly, as Reiner squirms in your arm.

You bend down, setting Reiner on the ground. Upon being free, he starts to yammer to Bertolt, spilling your ice cream promise to the other boy. 

“Really? You promised them ice cream?” Levi presses as the two of you walk the kids over to Hange, while Erwin goes to pay with Mike.

“Why not? It’s a hot day and I haven’t had ice cream in forever,” you exaggerate, tilting your head to give Levi puppy-dog eyes.

He sighs, shaking his head as the four of you reach Hange. Annie regards the two boys with a simple nod, protesting as they wrap her up in a hug.

“We’re getting ice cream?” Hange asks, excitement peaking in their voice.

“As long as short-stack doesn’t say no,” you tease, sticking your tongue out at Levi.

“That ice cream place with the pretzels?” a familiar voice cuts in, turning your head you see Erwin and Mike walking up to your group outside the shop.  
“See? Even Erwin’s on board. Admit it Levi, you want some too,” you say as Erwin wraps his arms around your waist, resting his chin on your head.

“Fine, maybe I do, but don’t bribe kids. They’ll start asking for a reward for everything,” Levi scolds, tensing before deflating slightly as Mike wraps his hand around his side.

“Just this one time- speaking of which, are you getting the clothes delivered to the barracks?” you ask, tilting your head up to meet Erwin’s gaze.

“Assuming the clerk is true to her word,” Erwin hums, kissing the top of your forehead. 

“You were always the trusting type,” you chuckle, sticking your tongue out at him, “Come on, let’s go get the rest of this done before I starve,” you announce, reaching down and taking Annie and Bertolt’s hands.

“(Y/N), we just ate,” Mike chuckles, taking Annie’s hand as well. Much to the dismay of the grumpy girl, yet she didn’t pull away.

“And I’m hungry, what’s your point?” you question him, starting to walk again as Hange take’s Bertolt’s hand.

Erwin and Levi follow behind you as they hold Reiner’s hands. You had to admit to yourself, seeing your partners with the kids was an oddly touching domestic scene you never wanted to let go of. Even Levi was putting effort into being gentle around them. 

“Erwin! Look!” Reiner calls out behind you, letting go of Levi’s hand to point out a quaint toyshop on the corner of the street.

“Good eye!” Erwin praises with a chuckle as Levi grumbles about ‘not letting go of his hand or he’d get lost’. 

“I take it we’re heading there?” you hum, looking over your shoulder at the two behind you.

Erwin nods his head in confirmation, a gentle smile on his lips.

“There it is!” you announce, as Hange beams next to you. They bounce on their heels as you cross the street towards the shop.

“You three ready? You can pick out any toy you want,” Hange blabbers as Mike holds the door open for everyone.

“Really?” the three of them ask, looking up at Hange with sparkling eyes and huge grins.

“Yup. Now get going, you don’t want to waste the daylight,” Erwin chuckles, urging them in the door.

They cheer, running into the shop - Annie following behind them quietly as Bertolt and Reiner run around the shop. They drag Mike along, pointing out all the different toys and using him as a ladder to see the top shelves and pull toys off the shelves. 

You stand at the door with Levi as Erwin follows Hange around the room, enamoured in their joy as they show him every toy titan they can. 

“Children,” Levi grumbles next to you, earning your gaze to turn to him instead. He’s leaning against the wall, arms crossed as he waits for the others to finish.

“Oh be quiet, you haven’t stopped smiling since you opened the door for us yesterday,” you huff, crossing your arms across your chest. 

Levi rolls his eyes, tilting his head away from you. You catch a small hint of pink on his cheeks and let him turn away, satisfied, as Reiner runs up to you.

“(Y/N)! Look what I found!” he says proudly, showing a plush pomeranian dog. The material it was made of was so dense and fluffy that his hands were lost in it.

“That’s an adorable stuffy, do you want to take him home?” you ask, crouching down to his level. 

He nods frantically, clutching it to his chest.  
“Yes please!”

“Alright, I’ll hold onto it while you finish looking around. Okay?” you offer, reaching out for him to pass it to you.

“Keep him safe, please,” he whispers, handing the plush out to you.

“Of course,” you reply, ruffling his hair a little as you straight back up.

He beams at you before running off, leaving you standing there next to Levi. You put your arms under it’s belly, letting the head rest against your chest.

“You know, you don’t have to hold it like a real dog,” Levi points out, a smile curling the edges of his lips.

“I know,” you say, leaning against the wall next to him.

He shakes his head, tilting it slightly until it rests on your shoulder as you wait for everyone to finish their shopping.

Reiner comes back to collect the plush when Erwin says it’s time to pay, leaving you to wait with Annie and Bertolt in your care, Mike looking rather drained from being dragged around by the three kids. You reach down, intertwining your fingers with his as Hange and Erwin return with Reiner. Erwin’s carrying two large bags of toys, and Reiner is clutching the plushy as if his life depends on it.  
The grins on everyone’s faces were unmatched, even after you grabbed ice cream on your way back to the barracks. You’d never seen them this happy since cadet training, since before having to stare death in the face. If you were being honest, seeing them smile made everything worth it.


	11. Hush

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> : O I didn't even realize this was so long until I checked the words ! Thanks for sticking with me so long ! There's more to come !

It had been two weeks since you’d brought the three kids into your family. You’d finally settled into a schedule, with the three of them thankfully sleeping in their own beds. Not that you didn’t mind them sneaking into yours, you simply enjoyed your time alone with your partners. 

The scouts had gotten used to the three kids running around with them during laps, and seeing them at mealtimes. Everyone in the regiment knew about the three of them, which was good in case any of them ever got lost.

Reiner, Bertolt, and Annie still woke up with nightmares, not as frequently as your partners did, however, you heard many instances of one of them running into Erwin’s office - which was adjacent to his room - looking for someone to comfort them. 

The first few times you’d gotten up, after a while, Erwin started pulling them onto his lap and letting them help with paperwork until they calmed down or fell asleep again. You’d always wait until they’d fallen asleep to swoop in and put them back to bed so Erwin didn’t wake them up with his muttering.

Yet, thankfully, today seemed to be a day where no one had experienced night terrors. Rolling over onto your side as you slowly pulled yourself from sleep, your arm brushed against someone fast asleep, laying on their back. Prying an eye open, you saw the gorgeously messy face of Hange still fast asleep.

Their mouth was slightly open, hair splayed across the pillow as Mike curled up to their side, his head resting on their chest. You stared at the sight before you as daylight shone in from the window above the bed, content to watch your partners sleep.

You had no need to get up right away, Levi and Erwin took care of morning training, your job was afternoon training with Hange or Mike, with the other watching over the kids. They tended to sleep late - the kid. Erwin and Levi always woke up at ungodly hours - so you didn’t have to be up until the near afternoon.

Which was fine by you, as it gave you all the time in the world to gaze at Hange and Mike as they slept. They always looked so calm and peaceful as they slept. It was nice to see their expressions when you were alone, near any scout they were stern and tense, but around each other, they were relaxed and happy.

Gingerly, you reach your hand out and brush a few strands of hair away from Hange’s mouth, leaning forwards and pressing your lips against theirs. As you pulled away, a hand caught the back of your head. Looking down, you saw Hange staring up at you, sleep still clinging to their mind.

“Good morning, pumpkin,” you whisper quietly, bending down and kissing them a second time.

“Good morning to you too, boo,” they murmur back as you pull away again, hovering a few inches above their face.

“Did you sleep well?” you question, keeping an eye on Mike so that you didn’t wake him up.

“When I get to wake up to you? Always,” they state, carding their fingers through your hair with a smile.

You tip to the side, laying down with your left hand tucked under your head to prop yourself up to face them. Your right-hand reaches out to cup the side of their face as they continue to play with your hair.

“You’re very endearing when you’re half asleep,” you praise, gazing into their eyes with a dopey smile spread across your lips.

“I could say the same to you,” they reply, tilting their head to press a kiss into the palm of your hand.

“You’re just saying that,” you tease playfully, brushing your thumb against their cheek.

“I’m serious, (Y/N). You make my heart flutter - even your bedhead is stunning,” they compliment, shifting their hand from your hair to mirror the one you’re resting on their cheek.

“How did I ever manage any of you. You’re too good for me,” you chuckle, leaning your head forward to rest your forehead against theirs.

They grin at you, brushing their thumb against your cheek.  
“Because you’re just as brilliant as we are, Captain,” they praise, causing a faint pink to spread across your cheeks from the nickname.

“When are you going to let that nickname go? I’m not your Captain anymore, I haven’t been for a long time,” you point out, giving her a bemused smile as they laugh at how you’re blushing.

“When it stops being so much fun to say. Captain. It rolls off the tongue,” they hum, drawing your attention to their mouth as they exaggerate the word.

You gulp, unable to take much more of their teasing. Instead, you lean forwards and crash your lips into theirs. They pull you closer, holding you against themself as tongues sloppily transfer saliva to each other’s mouths, forgetting about Mike sleeping on their chest until he mumbles something vaguely intelligible.

“Mm… stop movin’...” he protests, clutching Hange tightly as you two pull apart from each other.

“Stop sleeping on me then,” Hange huffs, gazing down at Mike as he curls closer to them.

“No-! You’re my new pillow,” he states as if it should be common knowledge, sleepily reaching his hand around them like a child cuddling their favourite stuffed animal. 

“Someone’s still half-asleep I see,” you chuckle, ruffling Mike’s hair as you gaze down at him with a smile plastered across your lips.

“I just like cuddlin’ both of ya,” he defends, rubbing his eyes as his mouth splits open in a massive yawn.

“We never said that was a bad thing. You’re adorable when you cuddle us,” Hange states, bending their body so that they can press a kiss to Mike’s forehead.

“I-” Mike attempts to continue with the conversation before three small bodies burst into the room from the door connecting to Erwin’s office.

“Dad! Baba! Nibi!” the three of them cry, running up to the bed and scrambling on to cling to the three of you. 

They’d started using titles to refer to you last week when one of the scouts asked if you were their parents. Reiner had started it, adamant that you were his ‘baba’. No one had corrected them, and even Annie and Levi were onboard, so you let them continue. 

You sit there, a bit startled at their entrance as Reiner clings to you tightly.

“Hey, what’s going on you three?” Mike whispers, rubbing Annies back as she clings to his chest.

“We had nightmares,” Bertolt sniffles into Hange’s chest, clutching them tightly.

“Nightmares? That can’t do! Don’t worry, we’ll protect you!” Hange declares, hugging Bertolt gently as you reclaim yourself over your state of shock.

“Nibi’s right. Nothing can hurt you as long as we’re here,” Mike verifies, rubbing Annie’s back gently.

“Promise?” Annie sniffles, looking up at him with wide eyes, tears threatening to spill down her cheeks as she shakes in his arms.

“Promise,” he confirms, shifting so that he can properly hug her.

“You’re safe with us,” you echo, gently brushing Reiner’s hair with your hands as he clings to your torso, shaking as he sobs from the bubbling fear in his chest.

“You know what always makes me feel better after nightmares? Food. Why don’t we go get you three some breakfast?” Hange offers on behalf of all grumbling stomachs within the room.

“You get nightmares too?” Reiner asks quietly, peering over at her from behind tear-soaked cheeks.

“Mhm, we all do. Sometimes there are scary events in life, that are scary for even adults. And that’s okay, it’s okay to be scared sometimes,” Hange explains as you nod in confirmation when Reiner looks up at you.

“Is that how you lost your leg, dad?” Annie asks, pointing out Mike’s amputated leg. Your gaze drops to the sheets, guilt still haunting the corners of your mind.

“Yup. Baba saved me from a titan, so I have the biggest battle scar and badge of honour to prove it,” he explains, tilting his head to look over at you, “And I couldn’t be more thankful for them to be alive today.”

You look up, swallowing your pride and giving him a shaky smile as Reiner stares up at you with stars in his eyes.

“You’re a hero, baba! I knew it! You’ll keep us safe for sure!” he declares, holding you tighter as he buries his head into your shirt.

You chuckle weakly, patting his head lightly as a wobbly smile forms across your lips.  
“I’m only as good as those I work with. That’s why we train - speaking of which, we do need to get breakfast so we can go train. You want to be strong to protect yourselves too, right?”

All three kids nod vicariously as they scramble out of bed and down to the floor.

“Hey, are you three going to get up today or-” Levi asks, walking into the room, his scout uniform covered in dirt as he walks awkwardly. Levi was never one for germs, you knew this, so his rigid posture and the stiff walk were to be expected while covered in dirt.

“Mommy!” the three kids cheer, running up to him only to be caught by Hange at the last second. 

They’d started calling Levi ‘mom’ because of a joke Hange and Mike had made at dinner last week, saying Levi was the ‘mom’ of the group because he was the most responsible and cleanest. Now they actually called him mom. Thankfully, he’d yet to protest or complain.

“Come on, let’s get you three dressed first. Then you can hug mom, okay?” they offer, giving Levi a chance to step around them and grab a towel before darting out to the showers.

“Fine,” they grumble as Hange chuckles, walking them out of the room to theirs so that they could get dressed.

Leaving you alone with Mike as guilt continued to creep up on you as you watched him sit on the side of the bed and fidget with his prosthetic.

“Mike, do you want help?” you offer quietly, unsure if your help was even wanted.

“Hm?” he mumbles, looking over his shoulder, “Oh! Yeah if you could get that third buckle for me please, it’s hard to reach,” he confesses, chuckling to himself slightly.

You nod your head, slipping off the bed to sit at his feet as you finish the buckles on his prosthetic. You avoid eye contact, staring at his leg instead with a solemn look on your face. 

You’re dragged from your subconscious by a hand tilting your head upwards. Mike’s hands always engulfed anything he put them on that was your body, due to his size and bulk. It made you feel small and safe, even on your worst days.

“Hey, (Y/N), it’s okay. I’m alive, which is much better than the alternative,” he reassures you, stroking his thumb back and forth against your cheek.

“I know, but-”

“But nothing. There wasn’t anything you could’ve done to save more than what you did. You were too far away, and I was stupid enough to get caught. Plus, my thrashing around in the cart probably didn’t help much,” he rambles, bending down to get as close to eye-level as he could with you.  
“It changes nothing. In fact, it brought us closer together as a group and a squad. I don’t think any less of you for what you did that day, and neither should you.”

You manage to give him a weak smile as tears perked the corners of your eyes. You weren’t sure you could respond without turning into a blubbering mess of tears. With a deep breath, grounding yourself to his touch, you whispered your heart out.

“I-I love you,” you choke out from behind your tears. In the chaos that your life had turned into, you didn’t realize that you’d never really said those three words to his face.

“I love you too, (Y/N),” he whispers back, pressing his lips gently against yours for a brief moment before pulling away, “Now, let’s go grab some breakfast. I’m personally starving.”

“Alright, breakfast sounds good,” you confirm, standing up from the floor as he stands up from the bed.

He hovers near you, a hand on your back as he gives you one of his shirts for the day. You’re comforted by his scent as you bury your nose in the collar while lacing up your belts around your legs.

He leads you out into the hall and down to the mess hall, where Hange was eating with the kids, as Levi walks into the bedroom after scrubbing his skin raw to get the mud off.

The kids cheer when they see you, showing you the breakfast bowl they’d made for you as you and Mike sit down at the table across from them, next to Hange.

“This looks delicious. Thank you very much,” you praise them as you dig into the indeed, delicious breakfast bowl. 

As they beam back from across the table, you cherish every moment of their smiles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Baba - Reader  
> Nibi - Hange  
> Dad - Mike  
> Papa - Erwin  
> Mom - Levi
> 
> _The second half of the day will be out soon !_


	12. Silent "I Love You's"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The second half of "Hush".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this took so long to come out - I've been playing Baldur's Gate 3 and preparing for my DnD game - however, without further ado, please enjoy Chapter 12.

By the time you finish training, you are exhausted, and so are the kids. You’d taken the squads through three different courses, done far too many laps to count, and lectured too many people on the proper use of ODM gear. Thankfully, you had the assistance of Mike and Hange, or between managing the Scouts and your kids, you’d have dropped unconscious from exhaustion hours ago. 

“You’re dismissed! Go rest in your barracks, and don’t forget you have the day off tomorrow!” you shout across the courtyard to the scouts mingling about.

They turn and salute you, before trudging off towards the gear storage to put away their ODM gear, a few of them pawning their equipment off on their friends in favour of better seats in the mess hall. You turn your attention to the five people standing next to you.

Hange is currently leaning against Mike, half-awake as Bertolt dozes off in his arms. Annie is standing quietly with her arms folded at their feet. Looking down, you see Reiner reaching up to you with grabby hands - asking to be picked up. 

“So, why don’t we grab some dinner?” you propose to the group, bending down and scooping up the exhausted Reiner in your arms.

“Food sounds perfect,” Mike agrees, smiling down at you as you adjust Reiner carefully. 

“Well, let’s get going then. You can fall asleep afterwards, Hange,” you chuckle, leaning forwards and kissing Hange’s cheek as Mike rubs their shoulder to wake them up.

“Wha- oh- dinner- right, yes, let’s get going,” they mumble, reaching their hand down for Annie’s as they straighten up.

Annie cautiously takes their hand as the four of you start to walk towards the mess hall. Soldiers run past you, all headed to the same place. A brief thought flashes in your mind.

“Shit, that’s right- they’re serving stew today. Perhaps it’s best if one of us goes in to grab the food and we eat in Erwin’s office?” you state, filling the others in as you reach the top of the stairs that lead to the mess hall.

Below, you can hear cheering and a ruckus caused by the cadets devouring their bowls as quickly as they can. You really don’t want to go down there and get the kids caught in the mess.

“You want me to go?” Mike offers, turning to you and Hange as his thumb gently strokes the nape of Bertolt’s neck while the boy dozes on his chest.

“If you don’t mind- the crowd might run me over if I go,” you groan at the thought, you weren’t nearly as imposing as Mike’s height was.

“Are you kidding (Y/N)? Out of the three of us, you’re the one the cadets are most afraid of,” Hange states, their eyebrows creased in the middle of their forehead as they stare at you.

“Hange, I’m about as terrifying as Annie thinks she is,” you joke, gesturing down to the little girl who is desperately trying to intimidate the wall with her glare.

“No, Hange’s right. I’ve seen them cower when I run drills, but never as much as when you’re running them. You quiet the room when you walk in,” Mike confirms.

“Alright, enough. You’re just describing Levi at this point,” you sigh, pinching the bridge of your nose as you tap your foot impatiently. “Why don’t I prove it? I’ll go down there and get our food. If I’m wrong, I’ll take the night shift for a week. But if I’m right, you two have to take it for a week.”

“Deal,” they both say, stepping back so that you could pass them by to walk down to the mess hall.

“Reiner, honey, do you want to help Baba get dinner?” you whisper to the boy in your arms currently peering curiously towards the stairs.

“Okay, Baba,” he says, nodding his head with a confident smile.

You smile back as you crouch to the ground to set him down.  
“Now, stick close to me, okay? You’re going to need to use both hands to carry the tray so you don’t spill,” you instruct him, waiting for a nod before you stand back up.

He nods his head, the confident smile remaining on his face. So, you stand back up and start down the stairs.

Little footsteps follow after you as you descend into the madness that the mess hall has become. It truly looked like it sounded, with people fighting for their servings, bread being scarfed down with the water-downed stew, and cheers of happily drunk cadets celebrating the day off.

As you reached the bottom of the stairs, however, eyes landed on you and a hushed whisper spread through the crowd quickly as they quieted down to their usual volume. You stood there, crossing your arms across your chest. You’d just lost a bet - and by the looks on their faces, you didn’t look impressed.

“Come on, Reiner, let’s get dinner for everyone, ‘kay?” you chirp, looking down at the little boy with a smile as everyone busied themselves with eating. 

He looks up at you and nods, holding his hand out for you.  
“Okay, baba!”

You take his hand, leading him through the mess of people. Those who’d fallen off benches, or had been fighting with each other were slowly pulling apart and straightening up, returning to their dinners. You simply shook your head as you crossed to the kitchens.

“Ah! Captain (Y/N)! Here for dinner?” the head cook Rose asks as you enter, smiling at you from behind a massive stew pot.  
“I am, Rose. Do you have any trays left? We were thinking of eating in Erwin’s office for today,” you say politely, Reiner standing close to your side, still holding your hand.

“A wise choice, it’s pure madness out there right now,” Rose clicks her tongue as she starts to serve up eight bowls of stew for you.

“I can tell, though I can’t blame them. It is the weekend off, I simply have a different way of celebrating,” you hum, waiting as she finishes dishing up the final bowl.

“Of course. Now, will that be everything?” Rose prompts as she sets out the bowls on two trays, four on each.

“You wouldn’t happen to have a bottle or two of red wine, and a bottle of grape juice, would you?” you request.

She nods her head curtly as she places eight wine glasses down on another tray.   
“We do indeed, I’ll be just a moment,” she excuses herself as she turns to head down the cellar to fetch the requested drinks.

You nod your head, waiting patiently for her return. As you wait, you feel a hand on your back and watch as a hand reaches down to smooth out Reiner’s hair. Turning your head, you’re met with the visage of a freshly cleaned Levi - though, a little red around the edges.

“Levi, there you are,” you exclaim quietly, leaning forwards and kissing his cheek. You’re tall enough that it requires no bending down or reaching up to kiss him. It’s pleasant.

“Finally got clean again, though my straps are ruined,” he grumbles, returning the gesture and kissing your cheek as well, “I see that Mike and Hange conned you into coming down here by yourself?”

“Oh, I’m not by myself, I’m with Reiner. He’s my little helper for today,” you hum, glancing down at the beaming boy as he rocks on his heels, still holding your hand.

“Want my help to carry something as well?” Levi offers as Rose returns from the cellar carrying four bottles.

“Here you are Captain- oh! My apologies, Captains. Three bottles of red wine and a bottle of grape juice,” she chuckles, setting them down in the tray with the glasses. Now, there was something special about this tray, it had slots for glasses and bottles so one could carry them easily without risking them spilling over or breaking.

“Thank you, Rose. Have a nice night,” you say, passing down a tray to Reiner. “Hold it carefully, don’t spill.”

He nods his head in confirmation as you pick up your own tray. Levi, grabs the wine tray, and the three of you exit the kitchen into a dead silent mess hall. Cadets and soldiers stare at their bowls as they sit straight while their Captains walk by.

A chuckle leaves your lips at the bottom of the stairs, waiting for Levi and Reiner to climb them first as you turn to the mess hall.

“Is it not the weekend? Come on, I expected you to be celebrating. No sense in silencing yourselves for little old me,” you comment, shaking your head as you follow up the stairs after Reiner.

As you reach the top of the stairs, the roar of the mess hall starts again. A smile crosses your lips as you regroup with Mike, Hange, Annie, and Bertolt. 

“Nightshift for a week, I see,” Hange comments, taking the tray from Reiner so he wouldn’t spill on the walk up to Erwin’s office.

“Oh bugger off,” you sigh, shaking your head as you continue to smile.

“Can’t, you’d get lonely,” Hange teases as the seven of you start to walk upstairs.

* * *

Reaching the top of the stairs is easy, for you at least. The kids are a bit slower, mostly due to the fact that their legs are shorter than yours. Mike ends up carrying Reiner and Bertolt, with Annie confidently climbing the stairs to the top by herself.

From the stairs, the walk to Erwin’s office is easy. It’s a clear hallway, kept clean on Levi’s standards. Mike opens the door for the three of you, and you step inside first.

The office is well decorated, mostly on your account. If Erwin had his way, it would be just a simple desk, however, your influence was ever-present. Two large red couches sat across from each other on either edge of the large rug. Between them sat a large rectangular coffee table. At the ends of the coffee table sat a plush red armchair, and a large wooden desk on the other side. The right wall was completely covered by bookshelves, apart from the door in the middle of the wall. The left wall held a single dresser that held spare scout uniforms and more books. 

The only other living thing in the room was the blond man currently hunched over a stack of paperwork taller than Annie, his head in his right hand as he held a sheet in his left, scanning it over more than a few times. He looked positively drained.

Quietly, you let out a small sight to indicate your entry as you sat the tray down on the table. The others trailed in after you, setting down trays and picking up their bowls as they made themselves comfortable on the couches.

You kept your eyes on Erwin, crossing the room as he looked up at you, opened his mouth as if to say something, before closing it with a shake of his head and looking back down at his paper work.

You shook your head as you reached his desk, rounding it to stand next to him. You came up just slightly higher than his eye level when sitting, allowing you to easily reach out your hand and turn him away from his work by cupping his chin with your fingers.

“Erwin Smith, it is time to eat. The paperwork can wait,” you whisper softly as the world trickles away, leaving the two of you drowning in each other’s eyes. You can see the struggle in his eyes, how he wants to fight to continue to work, and how part of him has already given in to you simply by his partners’ presences. 

“I- I can’t. There’s so much work to be done- I have to fill out too much, read too much. I-” he starts to ramble on, stopping as your hands move to hold the sides of his face, your thumbs resting on his sideburns.

“You have spent all day working. All I ask is that you take a break to eat. After you’re finished, we can go over the work together,” you assure him, tilting your head forwards so that your foreheads rest against each other. 

He opens his mouth once more, closing it again like a floundering fish gasping for air. You can see his bottom lip quiver from this distance as he holds onto his composure like a man sinking at sea.

“Why do you always find me when I need you the most?” he whispers quietly so that only you can hear it. The chatter of those on the couch drowns it away before it can reach their ears.

“Because I know you, Erwin. You’re the same man who years ago, stood naked next to me in the showers and insisted on introducing yourself. Even after I brushed you off, you continued to ramble on. You’re the same man who thought I’d called you a coward on the first day. You’re the same man who forgave me for telling the Commander you’d make a good replacement. You’re the same man whose arms I fall asleep in at night and the same one whose arms I wake up in the morning. You’re the same man I fell hopelessly in love with, without regret.”

He stares up at you with wide eyes as a smile slowly forms across his lips. He lets go of the paper in favour of mirroring your hold on his head on your own.

“How did I ever manage to find someone so perfect?” he whispers as he leans up at gently presses his lips to yours.

“Because you’re perfect as well,” you praise as he pulls apart slowly, holding the moment close as he gazes into your eyes.

“Oi! Lovebirds! You’re stew’s gettin’ cold!” Hange teases from the couch, chuckling as they lean over the arm of the couch with a wide smile - an unmistakable glass of wine in their hand.

The two of you pull apart as teenagers caught snogging in the back of the class. Erwin stands up with a bright face as you take a step back, tugging at your collar.

“Er- right, I was getting you to come to eat,” you chuckle, taking Erwin’s hand in your own as he gazes down at you, smiling.

“I believe you accomplished your goal,” he mumbles with a grin as he scoops you up in his arms and walks over to the empty seat on the couch next to Hange. 

You giggle in his arms, protesting with a brilliant smile on your face as he sets you down in his lap, allowing you to lounge with your back against the armrest.

Hange sits next to you, with Mike and the kids across from you. Levi taking a seat in the armchair. Everyone has a drink near them, even if Levi was only drinking tea. 

Erwin does in fact, eat his stew. He smiles happily as Reiner and Bertolt retell the day’s events dramatically, Annie correcting facts every once and a while. Levi grumbles about the morning, apparently, Erwin had convinced him to demonstrate a move he frequently used on moving titans, and he’d fallen hard into the mud due to the dummy they were using. Even humanity’s strongest had his off days.

Eventually, the kids are tucked into bed with their teeth brushed and their eyes heavy. They’re out cold before you leave their rooms, returning back to Erwin’s office. Your partners are sprawled across their couches, Hange curled into Erwin’s lap, Levi sitting politely, and Mike laying across the couch. 

Shaking your head at Erwin and Hange for taking your spot, you tip yourself onto Mike’s lap, grumbling as you yank off your boots and set them down next to Mike’s. Mike hums, resting a hand on your back and guiding you down to lay on his chest. His hand idly runs through your hair as he stares up at the ceiling.

You find yourself in a brief moment of calm, granted only on your off days when you manage to drag Erwin away from his desk. Hange giggles across from you, finally convincing Levi to drink some wine as well. Reluctantly he takes some, starting the second bottle.

By the start of the third bottle, you were all decently buzzed, with Mike opening the third. You’d managed to drag Levi onto your lap - or rather next to you on Mike’s - still draped on the couch. 

If you had the choice, you’d stay there forever. Wrapped up in Mike’s arms as you played with Levi’s hair, listening to Mike and Hange talk about nothing and everything as Erwin buries his head in Hange’s hair and pretends not to listen. A silent way of him telling the other person “I love you”. Erwin was never really good at saying it out loud, none of you were. Which was why it was never said in the past few years, none of you knew how, or when the right time was. 

Instead, you watched and learnt the silent ways, they said: “I love you”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do warn you, the next few chapters will be much heavier than the last few, as I am wrapping up "Arc 2" and segwaying into "Arc 3".


	13. World's Apart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WE'RE BACK FOLKS!!! My apologies, I've been busy binging Baldur's Gate 3. Here's part-1 of the end of arc-2! 
> 
> Do enjoy, I suggest some tissues as the end is a cliff-hanger and gets rather dark.
> 
> TW: Medical horror, Night terrors / PTSD, mentions of child abuse, amputation, medical procedures

Since the night in the office, life had been a hectic blur of planning and training. Erwin had decided to lead a mission outside the walls to scout out the state Wall Maria was in. Hange, Mike, and Levi were going with him - you’d all drawn straws, yours being the shortest - leaving you behind to watch the kids with Nile. 

So there you stood, in your bedroom, fussing over Erwin’s shirt as you reminded them of instructions for Mike’s leg, and acting as a squad. You hadn’t done a mission apart before, yet all of you knew it was necessary. Someone had to watch the kids, and fewer of you on the field meant fewer casualties. Of course, they were taking your squad, Erwin was leading them, meaning he’d been training with you for the past few days.

“Now remember to watch your horses carefully if you encounter titans, and don’t enter wall Maria without me,” you remind them for the third time, fussing over Erwin’s pendant. 

“We know, (Y/N). Relax, we won’t lose our horses,” Erwin chuckles, bending down to kiss the top of your head as you finish tidying his outfit.  
“Now, everyone ready?” he asks, surveying the room where the others were buttoning up their capes.

They give him collective nods, all passing by you to say ‘goodbye’ in their various ways. A kiss on the head, a squeeze of your shoulder, a simple ‘see you soon’, as they headed towards the doors.

You stood there, watching your squad, your friends, your partners, walk out the door, unsure if they would be walking back through it again. Just as they’re about to leave, you reach out and catch Levi’s arm.

“Wait - !” your breath catches in your throat as they turn back to you - “please come back home. The kids - I can’t lose any of you.”

“We’ll all make it back, or I’ll personally show you to the titan responsible,” Levi promises, lifting your knuckles to his lips to press a gentle kiss to them.

“Thank you,” you whisper quietly as he nods his head, turning back around.

“I’ll keep them safe, don’t worry (Y/N). We’ll return in one piece,” Erwin promises, kissing your forehead again.

“Most of us will return in one piece. I’ll return in the same piece,” Mike jokes, motioning to his leg.

“Don’t worry about us, just keep the kids safe. We’ll be back before you know it,” Hange states, smiling at you brightly.

“Thank you, guys. May the Gods be in your favours,” you manage to say, watching as they turn around and walk off down the hall. 

They’re gone before you can muster the courage to call them back. Leaving you standing in the doorway of your room, dressed in Mike’s shirt and Erwin’s sweater, with Hange’s spare hair-tie around your wrist. Levi’s promise ringing in your ears.

“Captain (Y/N)?” a familiar voice asks, dragging you out from the space you’d been staring at for Gods know how long. Turning your head, you see a familiar scruffy face with messy black hair, a man around Erwin’s age, you know as Nile.

Gingerly, you offer him a smile. It’s weak but noticeable.  
“Nile, I wasn’t expecting you so early.”

“Sorry, Marie mentioned thought you might appreciate some early morning help,” he explains, rubbing the back of his neck with a chuckle. “Hope I’m not intruding on any sleep you were going to get.”

“No, no… it’s fine. I was just going to wake the kids - how’s your wife doing?” you fumble, attempting to make polite conversation as you start to walk towards Reiner’s room. The kids had a habit of sleeping together due to nightmares they frequently had.

“Actually, she’s doing well. Really well. We’re um- we’re expecting our first kid,” he sheepishly admits as your hand wraps around the doorknob. 

“Really?! Congratulations! How long have you known?” you question, pausing from opening the door.

“Not too long, a week or so. I’ve been waiting to tell Erwin until he’s back from the mission - so keep it quiet, please?” Nile requests.

You nod your head in confirmation, motioning zipping your lips shut. You know the two of them were close, Erwin frequently spent long nights drinking with Nile and talking over paperwork. They were close since cadet training, even if you weren’t exactly paying attention back then.

“I’m sure he’ll be happy for you too. For now, you can practice with three of the easiest kids I’ve ever seen,” you offer, attempting to lighten the mood as you quietly open the door.

He follows in quietly as you cross the toy-cluttered room to the bed where all three kids are passed out, collapsed together in a cluster that suggests Bertolt sought Reiner out for comfort and dragged Annie along as well. 

You open the blinds carefully to let on a slim amount of sunlight into the room, before crossing the room to gently shake the kids awake. 

Once all three of them are up and dressed, you make your way down to the mess hall, Nile carrying Bertolt on his shoulders. It’s quiet in the mess hall, most of the scouts being gone on the mission. The ones that remain are new recruits left behind in case of emergency. They regard you with wide eyes, a few waving to the kids as you pass by.

Nile watches the kids at the table while you grab breakfast from the kitchen. Per usual, the chef is happy to see you, giving you a bit extra for the kids and yourself - you can’t help but think it’s out of pity. 

Walking back to the table, Nile’s engaged in retelling a story from cadet training. The kids are focused on his retelling as you set their food down in front of them. 

“Baba, did dad really have to carry nibi?” Annie asks as you sit down next to her.

“Mhm, nibi used to be terrible at running laps. But now, they can outrun dad,” you confirm, biting into your bread.  
“There’s hope for you, after all, Bertolt,” Annie states, sticking her tongue out at Bertolt.

“Annie, that’s mean, don’t tease Bertolt,” you lecture her, watching her sigh and roll her eyes

“Sorry, Bertolt,” she grumbles begrudgingly. 

“It’s okay,” Bertolt chirps, beaming back at her, “I know you didn’t mean it.”

You smile proudly at the two of them as you continue eating. They were good kids, despite the small jabs they’d toss at each other ever so often. 

Nile coughs, getting their attention once more before continuing his story with as much drama as one can muster with a mouth half-filled with bread. The kids seem to enjoy it, giggling at the tiny details that Nile throws in to add to the story. You sit quietly, listening to him tell the story, you’d lived through it but to hear someone else tell the tale felt comforting. That you really had come all this way, that you really had grown.

Once he’d finished and the kids were long done their breakfast, you cleared off the table while Nile got them ready for training. It was one of the only activities that could take your mind off your partner’s absence, and it would be good to keep the same schedule to avoid worrying the kids.

Yet, even the kids sense something is wrong by the time you’re winding down for the night. As you’re tucking Reiner into bed, the other two safely in their beds’ thanks to Nile’s help, Reiner peers at you sleepily.

“Where is mom and dads?” he asks quietly, his voice heavy with sleep.

“They’re out exploring, they’ll be back soon,” you assure him, attempting to assure yourself in the same sentence. It had hung in your mind all day, the worry of if they’d return at all.

“Promise?” he mumbles, rubbing his eye with his fist. 

“I promise sweetie, now get some rest,” you whisper, leaning down and removing his fist from his face so you could kiss his forehead.

“Goodnight, baba,” he whispered, closing his eyes as he curled up in his sheets.

“Goodnight, Reiner,” you reply, carefully creeping to the door where Nile was waiting.

As it creaked shut, you turned your attention to Nile.

“Heading home?” you whispered quietly.

“Yeah. Should I be back here the same time tomorrow?” he asks, nodding his head with his confirmation.

“Please. They shouldn’t be gone too long, I appreciate the help Nile. You really didn’t have to,” you tell him, leaning against the door to Reiner’s room.

“I owed Erwin. Besides, I wanted to see how they were doing. It’s not like the military police do much these days,” he shrugs, pulling on his jacket.

“Fair enough. If you ever need my help, don’t hesitate to ask,” you offer as he nods his head.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” he states before walking off down the hall towards the stairs.

As you watched him walk away, you had no idea how much you’d come to regret those words.

* * *

The week had gone by smoothly. The kids proved easy to watch over with Nile’s help, and he was on time each and every day to help you. By the middle, however, your heart ached for your partners when you once again woke up in an empty bed. Long missions were the hardest to bear.

Friday night, you climbed into bed, wrapped up in your pyjamas and ready to fall asleep. It was terribly hard to fall asleep, tossing and turning as you tried to get comfortable, blankets bunching up around you.

You’d only been dozing off for a few minutes - to your knowledge - when Annie opened your door, running up to the side of your bed and shaking your arm.

“Baba! Wake up!” she pleaded, frantically shaking your arm.

You lifted your head, turning around to look at her.  
“Annie, what’s the matter?” you quietly asked, yawning mid-way through.

“It’s Reiner, he won’t stop crying,” she explains, tugging at your sleeve to get you up.

You waste no time getting out of bed. She’s across the room when you stand up, motioning for you to follow. You do, quickly rushing after her as she guides you to Reiner’s bedroom. 

You can hear the sobbing before you enter the room, terrified sobs that wrack your nerves. You’d never dealt with a nightmare by yourself before, they were Mike and Levi’s specialties. Usually, you had help, but today, you had to put on a brave face.

Opening the door, you see Bertolt holding Reiner tightly as he tries to plead with him that he was safe. Yet, Reiner sobbed on. 

Not bothering to watch your footing, you shut the door, letting Annie inside first, and rush over to the bed. You crouch next to the bed, reaching out to place your hand on Reiner’s back.

“Reiner, honey, are you -” you start to ask, only for him to slap your hand back, scooting backwards in the bed with wide eyes.

“NO! YOU’RE NOT MY UNCLE! DON’T TOUCH ME!” he shouts, before realization dawns on him of who he was looking at.

He breaks back down, curling in on himself tightly as his sobs returned like a tidal wave. Sinking down next to the two boys, you pulled Reiner into your lap, Bertolt shuffling over too.

“Ssh, it’s okay. Let it out. You’re safe. You’re safe,” you mumble, mimicking Mike when he’d comfort one of the kids after a nightmare. It worried you, the words that left his mouth. What happened to them?

This time, Reiner didn’t pull away from you, instead, he curled tightly around himself, shaking in your arms as he let out strangled sobs. You gently pet his hair, mumbling quietly as he sobbed.

When he eventually calmed down enough to speak, he stared up at you, tear-stained cheeks glistening in the moonlight.

“I’m sorry, I -” he started to apologize.

You shake your head, reaching your hand down to brush a few tears from his cheek.  
“You don’t have to apologize for nightmares. Even I get them.”

“Even you?” he whispers quietly, his voice still shaking from sobs.

“Even me,” you confirm. “It’s a symptom of growing up too fast.”

“I don’t want to grow up,” he admits.

“No one ever does. Just know, you can tell me anything. I won’t hurt you for telling me things that have happened.”

“You promise?” Annie asks, leaning her head against your chest.

“I promise on my own grave. You’re my little ones, I wouldn’t ever hurt you.”

“He said that too,” she spits, glaring at the bedsheets.

“Who said that?” you press, curiosity getting the better of you.

“Our uncle,” Bertolt clarifies.

“He wasn’t our uncle! He was a soldier, Bertolt! He didn’t care about us!” Annie shouts at him, tears welling up in her eyes.

“But, he said -”  
“He lied. They all lied,” she spits, her tone wavering, nearly cracking as tears form in the corners of her eyes.

“Annie, don’t yell at him. Everyone heals differently,” you whisper, attempting to calm her down before both of them started crying.

“He was a bad person! He did bad things to us, things we didn’t want,” Annie grumbles, still glaring at Bertolt. You’re unsure if she’s telling you or Bertolt, but you keep your mouth shut. They rarely talked about their pasts, and any insight helped.

“But he was nice sometimes, he tried to protect Marcel,” Bertolt argues. You can see the desperation on his face as he clings to good memories.

“Because it was his job. He didn’t care about Marcel,” Annie explains, “Marcel was our friend. Not his.”

“I miss him,” Reiner whispers quietly, laying on your chest.

“So do I,” Bertolt agrees, leaning against your arm.

“I wish he was here,” Annie comments, slumping against you as well.

You lean back on the bed, pulling the covers across the kids.  
“I promise. You three are safe here. No one will ever hurt you again, or make you do something you don’t want to.”

“Thank you, baba,” Reiner whispers quietly as the three of them slowly drift off to sleep around you.

You lay there for a while, mulling the new information over in your head. Their uncle wasn’t their uncle, he was a soldier… but from what division? Was he Garrison? Police? Scout? No matter what he was, it was concerning that something so corrupt was going on under the rule of the king. And who was Marcel? They spoke of him as if he was gone. Is he dead? Or is he out there somewhere? Were there more of them?

You silently vowed to yourself, that if there were more, you’d find them. You wouldn’t allow for this to repeat itself. You’d protect these kids, and others like them, with your life.

* * *

You paid extra attention to the kids the next day, making sure they never left your sight the whole day. To avoid another late-night terror attack, they even slept in your room that night. You didn’t want them to wake up alone again, and this was the best you could do with the others out.

Two mornings later, you lay in bed, staring at the spot next to you where one of your partners would usually be fast asleep. Today, however, Bertolt and Annie slept peacefully next to you, Reiner on your other side. At least you weren’t alone.  
You found yourself lost to the world, watching over your kids carefully as they slept across the massive bed. They weren’t biologically yours, which was fine, you’d protect them all the same. They were yours.

A loud and hurried banging on your door snapped you from your protective instincts, dragging you back to the real world.

“(Y/N)! I NEED YOUR HELP! COME QUICK!” Nile shouts from the other side of the door, waking up the kids as well.

You rush out of bed in confusion, dashing over to the door as you grabbed your scout jacket from the floor and tugged on your boots. You slept in Erwin’s sweatpants and Mike’s shirt, with your hair held back by Hange’s hair tie. Honestly, you regretted telling him you’d help him whenever, this was too early for even you.

“Nile, you better have a good excuse for waking me up at four-thirty in the bloody morning,” you grumbled, opening the door.

Outside your room stood an out of breath Nile, clutching his chest with a pale face.  
“I came as fast as I could. They’re almost in the courtyard. They need you, now. Go, I’ll watch the kids,” he frantically explains between pants, stepping back from the door.

Your eyes blow wide as you take off down the hallway. It blurs together as you rush down the stairs to the courtyard. They’re back, thank the Gods, but why did he look so frantic? Surely he could’ve taken his time unless something was… wrong.

You throw open the doors of the barracks to a horrifying sight. One that made you pray at that moment, that it was just some sick, twisted nightmare. Before you, people were shouting, scout captains directing orders to get the injured to the medical wing - thankfully one of the first things Erwin had renovated. 

Yet, as your eyes scanned the crowd for your partners, your heart dropped into your stomach. Mike held Erwin in his arms, nearly limp and wrapped in blood-soaked bandages, as he frantically looked around. He was trapped in the eye of the hurricane of people, unable to get past them.

Frantically, you looked around, spotting a nearby box. Just high enough to get you above the crowd. You clambered up, cupping your hands around your mouth as you shouted an order to the crowd.

“CLEAR A PATH FOR THE COMMANDER!!” you shouted above the other captains. 

For once, you were thankful that most of the scouts were terrified of you, as you watched them part like a sea of leaves, for Mike to get through. With a sigh of relief, you got off the box as Mike drew closer, rushing through the crowd.

“There are medical supplies in his office, come on. It’s out of sight of everyone else,” you instructed Mike, rushing to grab the doors. 

“We’ll join you once it’s sorted out down here,” Hange calls from the wagon they were standing on.

You give them a thumbs up before you hurriedly follow Mike up the stairs. You were too worried to speak as you rushed in front of him to get doors open until the three of you were safely within Erwin’s office.

Mike laid him out on the coffee table, big enough to hold him, with his feet propped up on the armchair. You grabbed the medical bag from inside the dresser before approaching Erwin quietly.

Icy blue eyes met yours as you approached, offering you a calm, collected smile.  
“Sorry, guess I broke my promise,” he coughs, chuckling slightly as your eyes scan him for injuries.

It doesn’t take more than a millisecond to notice the source of the blood. His right arm nearly completely missing. You have to hold yourself back from gasping, swallowing the bile building in your throat as you crouch down to peel the fabric from his arm.

“We never even saw it coming. It was almost as if the titans came from thin air,” Mike informs you as you stare at the missing part of Erwin’s arm.

“You’re home. That’s all that matters. At least you made it home,” you whisper quietly, giving Erwin’s remaining hand a firm squeeze before fishing out the stitches from your bag.  
“Mike, hold him down. This is going to hurt.”

A small part of your mind recalled the day Mike lost his leg and how Erwin had to hold him down. The reversal of positions only twisted the knife in your gut more as you stiched Erwin back together while he tried not to scream. At least this time, you didn’t have to cut anyone’s flesh.


	14. World's Together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The final chapter of arc 2 !! Whoooo ! 
> 
> I will be taking a break (briefly) after this chapter, until after chapter 138 comes out. For obvious reasons. However, please enjoy this very, very hurt/comfort self-indulgent fic that I _never_ thought would get this many hits, let alone kudos and comments from people who actually enjoyed it. 
> 
> So thank you, so much dear Reader, even if you're here to laugh, because you're still helping : )
> 
> TW: medical inaccuracies, blood, hurt/comfort, angst

You swallowed the lump in your throat as you reached for the bandages in your bag. Your hands were covered in blood, but you thankfully managed to sew Erwin’s arm closed. He’d calmed down, staring up at the ceiling as tears grew in the corners of his eyes. Mike sat across his chest, squeezing his hand to keep him grounded.

“You’re doing so well, just hang in there, Erwin,” you whisper quietly, pressing a kiss to the tip of his nose as you show him the roll of gauze.

He acknowledges you with a tiny nod, barely able to stay conscious. You couldn’t blame him, it was still early in the morning and you were trying to be quiet.

As you attempt to gather yourself to bandage his arm, the door adjoining the office to the bedroom slides open and Nile slinks in.

“Oh thank the gods -” he breathes in relief at the sight of his friend still alive - “I moved the kids to Reiner’s room in case you wanted to use your bed.”

“Thank you, Nile,” Mike says, offering him a sombre smile.

Nile nods his head, crossing the room to sit on one of the couches. He leans forwards, patting Erwin’s shoulder gently.   
“Hang in there. You’re out of the woods - literally.”

Erwin’s head turns from the ceiling to stare at him.  
“Was that… your attempt… at a joke… at my expense?” he slurs, staring at his friend.

“Perhaps. Don’t go dying on me now, you still have to be a godfather,” Nile states proudly, puffing out his chest with a broad smile. “Can’t be one when you’re dead.”

Silently, you mouth a ‘thank you’ to Nile for distracting him. Erwin pays no attention to you as you carefully hold the gauze around his stitches. Mike assists you, holding it steady as you wrap the bandages around it carefully.

“A godfather… Nile… congratulations,” Erwin chuckles, cracking a small smile out of your view.

Your head slumps forwards, resting against Mike’s bicep as you steady your hands, taking your time to bandage up Erwin. The world fades away, Nile and Erwin’s conversation purely background noise until a hand on your back brings you up to the surface once more.

“How were the kids?” Hange whispers quietly, sitting down next to you and tying off the bandage for you. 

Out of sight, Levi taps Nile on the shoulder, signalling for him to take his leave.

“They were good for the most part. Except for last night, Reiner had a nightmare and… we need to talk. They said some things that should be taken seriously,” you inform them, staring down at your bloody hands.  
“In a moment. First, we need to get the blood off you and the rest of us. You can tell us everything in bed,” Hange promises, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

For the first time, you notice how beaten up the other three are. Mike looks like he’s been through hell and back, covered in cuts and bruises and scrapes, holding his weight awkwardly. Levi’s no better, his arm is tucked close to his body in a makeshift sling, with cuts down his face. Hange’s covered in blood, you’re unsure who’s it is, but you hope it’s not theirs.

Slowly, you nod your head in agreement.  
“You look awful,” you murmur before realizing you said it out loud.

“It was hell out there. I’m just glad you were safe,” they state, standing up and offering you a hand.

You take it, standing up as well as Mike carefully gets off of Erwin, scooping him back up in his arms. Levi signals from the door that no one was in the hallway, so the five of you sneak into the captain’s showers to wash off the blood. 

Mike sets Erwin down on one of the benches so that he was partially in the water. You help, stripping off the button-up shirt and leather belts until Erwin was sitting naked on the bench. 

Carefully, you rinse your hands off under the water that Mike had turned on. You didn’t care if you got your own clothes wet, you were focused on cleaning Erwin. 

“I’m going to wash your hair, okay?” you alert him, filling up a bucket with water.

“Okay,” he replies weakly, tipping his head back to help you.

You smile gently, pouring the water across his hair to douse it, careful to not catch his bandages. Blood pours out at your feet as you scrub shampoo through his hair, turning it from dusty blond to the colour of gold. 

Once you’re satisfied with how clean it is, you rinse it out and grab a nearby towel, soaking it in water. You return back to him, gently wiping the blood from his face and torso. Your mind is so focused on him, that you barely realize the hand that reaches up to cup your cheek, dragging your gaze to meet his.

“I love… you,” he fumbles out, staring into your eyes with an expression you’d only ever seen twice. Way back when you were still kids, once when Mike had his accident and he’d jumped into the moving wagon to hold him down. The pain in his expression, the knowledge that his eyes held. The second time had been even earlier, on the steps of the street, staring up at the stars when you nearly kissed him. Nearly spilled yourself to him, until you got scared.

This time, you’re not scared. You know the man you fell in love with. You trust him with all your heart that his words are real. That he’s real. That he won’t leave you. So you lean forwards, pressing your lips against his as you steal a kiss from his lips.  
“I love you too, Erwin,” you whisper in reply, pulling back just enough so that your foreheads remain touching.

He smiles up at you, and pain strikes through your heart. You can’t recall how many nights that you’d longed to see him smile at you this way. Long nights spent alone as a cadet, or training to become a scout. Long nights that only made you treasure these precious moments more. 

“How’d I end... up with you. I should be rotting in hell... for the lives, I’ve sacrificed... yet, I find myself in heaven... with angels,” he muses, rubbing his thumb back and forth on your cheek gently.

“Because you gave me a chance. To prove that I’m worth more than - to prove I’m worth more than I chose to believe. To prove to myself and the world that - that I was worthy of something more,” you stumble out, tears forming in the corners of your eyes. “Thank you, for never giving up on me, despite how stubborn I was. Despite how much I snapped at you. Thank you for -”

He silences you by gently guiding you down to press his lips against yours. He pulls back just as quickly, yet, despite all the years, you find yourself stunned to silence by his kiss.

“I love… you. Never doubt… that,” he assures you, offering you a bigger smile by mustering the energy he has left.

“I love you too. You’re my guiding light. Never leave my side,” you state, staring into his eyes.

“I won’t,” he promises, confirming it with a nod.

You smile happily at his words, picking the rag back up and continuing to clean him off. The air is less tense as you wash away the rest of the blood, surfacing up from your little world as Mike walks over to you, placing a hand on your back. He’s in boxers, his prosthetic fitted around his leg. He’s clean and bandaged, Hange’s handiwork.

“I’ll take him to the room, can you help Levi?” Mike asks, motioning Levi, who’s currently sitting with his back against the shower wall, head in his hands.

You nod your head to him, standing up with one last kiss on Erwin’s forehead. Mike helps him to stand, you stay there, watching as the two of them walk off to the room, a towel around Erwin’s waist. 

When he’s left the room, you turn your attention to Levi, quickly crossing the room to crouch down in front of him. 

“Hey, what’s the matter? Levi?” you whisper, lowering to your knees and placing your hands on top of his wrists, carefully removing his hands from clutching his head.

He whimpers quietly, a massive red-flag of his condition. Levi never whimpered unless he was in severe pain or having a flash-back. 

Knowing this, you sit down in the shower across from him, urging his arms down so that you can wrap your hands around his wrists, holding them. 

“It’s okay, I’m here. You’re home. You’re safe. No one’s going to hurt you,” you murmur quietly, repeating your words over and over again.

You’re unsure how long you sit there with him. You don’t care how long it takes to calm him down, you’d spend eternity to calm him down if you had to. You breathe a sigh of relief when his breathing evens out and he stops crying, steadying his composure.

He meets your gaze, a tear-soaked face with a sullen expression.  
“You’re covered in blood,” he points out, “And you’re still dressed.”

“So are you. Want to get cleaned up?” you offer, smiling softly at him. Cleaning helped to relax him, one of the many quirks of your partners.

“Please,” he squeaks quietly.

You stand up in the shower, pulling him up with yourself. He stands steady on his feet, allowing you to help him out of his clothes. They fall to the ground, soaked in blood, letting the water wash them off.

You grab the shampoo silently, washing his hair and letting him wash yours. It’s a quiet ritual, getting clean under the shower. There are few words exchanged apart from the request of a different product. You don’t pick on his habit, or press him for words, respecting his need for silence.

Even as he collapses in your arms again, sobbing on your shoulder, you only let out quiet murmurs of reassurance. The water runs down his back as he clutches you tightly, head buried in your neck as he refuses to let you go. 

When he straightens up again, trying to rub away the tear tracks, you kiss his cheek gently. He startles, staring back at you with confusion alight in his eyes.

“I love you, Levi. You don’t have to hide your emotions from me,” you assure him, offering him the soap bar again.

“I- I love you too, (Y/N),” he stutters out, stumbling over his words in a manner you’d never seen him do. Unable to collect himself or compose what he wants to say, acting at the moment instead.

With a soft smile, you kiss his cheek again. He takes the soap bar from you and your silence continues. Yet, this time, it’s comfortable. A welcome embrace with a mutual understanding of one another.

He doesn’t make a fuss as you step out of the shower, shutting off the water to hand him a towel. The two of you dry off carefully, leaving your wet towels and clothes drying on the rack at the edge of the bathroom. 

Peering into the hall first, you check for a clear coast before darting over to the master bedroom (Commander’s quarters) where your partners were. Stepping inside, the air felt lighter than in the bathroom.

Erwin was propped up at the front of the bed, Hange at his side, as Mike sat behind him. You and Levi were quick to join after you got dressed, shuffling to in his lap, with Levi at his side. Erwin idly reaches a hand up, running it through your hair quietly.

You aren’t sure when, but eventually, you’re prompted by Hange to explain Reiner’s nightmare. You take your time to go over everything you can, your explanation ending with a long stretched silence. No one speaks for a long time afterwards, everyone sharing the same thought.

_Which division is corrupt?_

You had your own personal theories, but you decided not to voice them as Erwin’s hand combing through your hair lulled you back into sleep’s sweet embrace. You could worry about the world later, for now, you were safe. Safe in your partners’ arms. No longer world’s apart from each other.


	15. Keep Your Word (Start of Arc 3)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's the start of arc 3 ! The (probably) final arc to this fic ! We've really reached 15 chapters and words cannot describe the joy it gives me to see this fic so well received.

You wake up in the morning to a quiet sob. You’re aware it’s late into the day, somewhere near twelve or one in the afternoon. This is easily noticed by the absence of the others around you. You don’t normally sleep in, but you figure they let you due to how early you’d been up for the past week.

What was surprising to you was the muffled crying you heard. Slowly, you sat up in the bed, rubbing your eyes as they adjusted to the light. It took a moment before you noticed Erwin standing at the dresser, staring down at it with a shirt around his torso. You could tell it was unbuttoned from how it hung off him loosely.

“Erwin?” you ask, your voice still laden with sleep.

He goes completely rigid, the noise stopping as he keeps his back to you.

“You should be resting,” you comment, pulling back the covers and walking over to where he was standing.

“I have paperwork to do,” he protests quietly, his voice a tattered whisper.

“Do you want to do the paperwork together?” you propose, knowing that no matter how hard you tried, you’d never drag him away from the paperwork until it was done.

“Why? I can do things for myself,” he states bitterly, avoiding your gaze as you move to stand in front of him. 

“You don’t have to play the part of the hero for me. I took care of Mike when he lost his leg, I’ll take care of you as well,” you remind him, reaching out carefully and taking the sides of his shirt, starting to button it together.

“You shouldn’t have to. I should be able to take care of myself,” he repeats, attempting to bat your hands away. His attempts are weak and slow, lagged by sleep.

“Give yourself the time to heal and you will. But for now -” you stand on the tips of your toes, pressing a kiss to his tear-streaked cheek - “Let me help you. Please?”

Erwin lets out a sigh, the pain evident upon his face as he finally meets your gaze. You can see the tears swimming at the edges of his eyes, the stained tracks down his cheeks. He lifts a hand - his remaining hand - to rest on your cheek.

“How can you bear to look at me? I’m supposed to be the commander, yet here I am, keeping you cooped with me as I feel sorry for myself. You don’t deserve this.”

“Because I still remember the young kid standing next to me in the showers with the world’s biggest smile, introducing himself despite the fact I never responded. You were there for me whenever I needed you to be, so let me be here for you. Because you deserve this.”

He opens his mouth to protest as you turn your head, kissing the palm of his hand. The fight dies in his throat as he leans closer, allowing you to finish buttoning up his shirt.  
The two of you spend the rest of the day in his office. You sit quietly on his lap, helping him go through his paperwork, and reminding him to take breaks every once and a while. The sound of a door opening snags your attention away from the paper in front of you, the sound of footsteps across the floor as three heads look over the edge of the desk across from you.

“Reiner, Annie, Bertolt, what brings you three here?” you ask quietly as Erwin sets down the paperwork on the desk.

“Nibi and dada need you,” Annie states, her voice urgent despite her young age.

“Both of us, or just me?” 

“Both of you,” Reiner says.

“Well papa, are you okay with leaving your paperwork for a little while?” you tease, leaning your head back onto Erwin’s shoulder.

He gives you a small smile, leaning down to kiss your lips lightly. He’d improved slightly over the silence, taking things slow with you. It wasn’t enough to cure him, but it was helping.

“I suppose, but we need to finish this later,” he reminds you.

“Of course,” you whisper softly, getting off of his lap and rounding the desk to the three kids, “Well? Lead on.”

They nod, determination in their eyes as they dash off to the door. You have to call after them to not run in the halls as you and Erwin take off after them. You don’t even have enough time to grab your jacket due to how quickly they leave.

The three of them lead you down the stairs and to the courtyard outside. If you hadn’t had training every day, you would be gasping for air, but this was akin to a light jog thanks to your workout routine. 

When you reach the courtyard, you see Hange and Mike fussing over something in a wagon, with Levi talking with Nile. As you approach Nile, you can see how his brows are creased together, and how Levi’s shoulders are squared, signalling he’s tense.

“Nile? Levi? What’s going on?” Erwin questions, following you over, “Is Marie okay?”

“Marie’s fine. I’m sorry to disturb you guys today, I know you were probably resting. But, this was urgent,” Nile says, gesturing to the wagon.

“Urgent? As in what sense?” you prompt, folding your arms across your chest. 

“Somehow titans were able to get through the walls again,” Nile explains, grimacing at his own words.

“What?! Why aren’t we going to deal with it?!” you ask, your eyes darting over to the equipment shed. You should have the Scouts in gear by now, with everyone on horses.

“Because there isn’t anything to deal with. I was on patrol with my squad when we were informed. By the time we reached the place, there wasn’t a titan insight. Just a few kids left. One of the labour farms from when the wall fell,” Nile explains carefully. 

You always had a bad taste in your mouth from the labour farms. The fact that they kept the kids who were victims of wall Maria’s fall as workers never sat well with you. Kids needed freedom, to be able to be kids. Not to do chores for adults all day.

“How did you know there were titans?” Levi questions him, his back to you.

“The kid who caught our attention told us. I hope you don’t mind we brought them here, all the other farms are full and you guys have a reputation to help lost kids,” Nile defends, gesturing his head towards the wagon he was standing in front of.

Your heart hangs heavily in your chest as you glance over the side of the wagon. Inside you can see five kids clumped together, with Hange passing them warm blankets. You hadn’t noticed how the evening air was starting to nip at your skin until then.

“Aren’t those three the kids you were sitting with when we picked up Annie?” Erwin questions, nodding his head to the blond boy, and two raven-haired kids sitting closer together.

“They are. Grisha came for Eren, yet he stumbled back with Keith. No one saw Grisha after that,” Nile states, giving the five kids a sympathetic look as your three climbed into the wagon as well.

“It’s getting late. We can figure out a plan for what to do after this, but we should get something to eat and then get them to bed. They should stay here, at least for tonight,” you propose, looking up at Erwin in hopes he would see the sympathy in your eyes.

Erwin nods his head slowly in agreement.  
“We can deal with what to do in the morning. For tonight they deserve a warm bed and a hot meal.”

* * *

By the time you got all eight of the kids to bed, you were exhausted. Slowly you’d learnt all their names during the process of giving them food (which lead to some odd looks from the Scouts), and finding them all spare clothes that would fit. The little blonde girl with a bright smile is called Historia, and the brunette who stayed glued to her side is Ymir. The trio that had been close together are called Armin, Mikasa, and Eren. 

When you finally found yourself within your bedroom for the night, you couldn’t push down the fact that they had all grown on you within the short time that they’d been in your care. As you sat on the bed, watching Levi rebandaged Erwin’s arm, while Hange rested their head on your shoulder, and Mike removed his leg, a wishful smile grew on your lips.

“What’s on your mind?” Mike asks, noticing your smile as he leans back on the bed.

“Huh? Oh, I was just thinking about the day,” you admit, rubbing the side of your neck that Hange’s head wasn’t resting on.

“What about it?” Hange mumbled, their breath a comfort against your skin. Reminding you they were still here and real.

“It’s stupid, really,” you whine, avoiding the question.

“Stupid is how Mike got the kids to call me ‘mom’ again,” Levi points out while he finishes up the bandages on Erwin’s arm.

“It’s just - what if we kept them? We have the space for them here and who knows what will happen to them if they wind up on the street?”

“Oh, I thought we’d already agreed on that?” Hange pointed out behind you, their arms wrapped around your waist.

“We are the most qualified people to help them. Since we know how to deal with nightmares and have a small bit of experience thanks to Reiner, Annie and Bertolt,” Erwin agrees, tilting back until his head was in Mike’s lap. 

Levi climbs up the bed to rest between the two stacks, an arm thrown across your lap and Erwin’s.  
“I’m going to be called mom when I’m in my forties,” he complains, a huffed sigh leaving his lips.

“Unfortunately so. At least you make a good mom,” you chuckle, gently running your fingers through his hair.

“Fuck you,” he grumbles quietly, leaning his head into your touch.

“I love you too,” you chuckle, a smile crossing your lips peacefully as you lean back into Hange, continuing to run your fingers through his hair.

It had only been a few years since you’d become a Scout, let alone a captain. Yet, you’d somehow managed to become a lover and a parent in the same span of time. Time works in mysterious ways, although you couldn’t help but wonder if there was a point to this all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now to find Jean, Connie, Marco, and Sasha.
> 
> Don't worry dear readers, the ending to this story will not be like chapter 138 of the Manga. We will get our everyone lives/no one dies ending. Everyone will just be slightly younger than expected.


	16. Fight For Freedom

You were finally finishing up Erwin’s remaining paperwork in the early afternoon when there was a knock on the door. Hange, Levi, and Mike were watching the kids with the Scouts, as well as training in preparation for future missions, knowing that the two of you were the best to do paperwork.

“Come in,” Erwin calls, not even bothering to look up from the paperwork in his hand, his jaw moving on your shoulder where he was resting his head.

“Good afternoon, Commander Erwin, Captain (Y/N),” Pyxis says, stepping into the room, with Nile on his heels.

“Ah, Commanders. How are you two today?” you ask, rising from Erwin’s lap to stand next to him, saluting the two commanders.

“Quite well, thank you,” Nile hums as Erwin sets down his paperwork.

“What can we do for you two?” Erwin prompts, looking up at the two men as they take seats across the desk from him.

“I’ve heard your brood has gotten larger than the last time we’ve spoken,” Pyxis comments, taking out his flask.

“Indeed it has. But, what does this have to do with anything?” Erwin asks, leaning against the desk. 

You take a seat in the chair next to the desk, unsure if you should leave or stay.

“I’m sure that you’re aware, under normal government regulations, that would be quite the sum of paperwork to fill out -” Pyxis pauses to wait for a response, continuing once Erwin nods his head - “However, Nile has brought it to my attention that there aren’t any protections in place for orphans, apart from the farms.”

“So, we were thinking that perhaps instead of continuing with the farms, we drafted a protection act. Now, this doesn’t mean the established farms would be dismantled, simply that farms that are mysteriously destroyed containing kids from the fall of wall Maria - as well as kids who were never assigned to farms -,, would be directed towards the Scouts.”

“Is there a reason for our division, and not one of yours?” Erwin presses, arching an eyebrow at the two men.

“Two in fact. The Scouts are the ones who have been the closest to titans, you know better than any of us how to assist with trauma. As well as how you five continue to take in lost kids.”

“It could work,” you blurt out, shutting your mouth as all three men’s gazes snap to you, “The squads already help to take care of the orphans, without being asked. You know the others will agree to it without a second thought.”

Erwin nods his head slowly, contemplating the proposal. He reaches into his desk drawer, extracting a blank piece of paper to write on.

“Well, if we’re all for this then, what are we going to call it?” he asks calmly. You can hear the joy that laces the edges of his tone as he struggles to keep a stern face in front of Pyxis and Nile.

“The 104th protection act. That’s the number they’d have if they were cadets,” you propose immediately.

Nile nods his head in agreement.  
“It’ll be much easier to get the king’s approval if we brand it as a military strategy.”

The four of you spend the rest of the afternoon, and well into the evening, drafting a proposal for the protection act. Getting every detail right until you were sure it would be passed. When Pyxis and Nile leave for the day, they take it with them. Promising they’d let you know the moment that it passes.

You spend the rest of the night tucking in your little ones. It’s not too hard to find them in the mess hall; you notice Levi’s squad taking care of Mikasa, Eren, and Armin; Mike’s squad is watching over Ymir and Historia; and your partners are making sure Reiner, Bertolt, and Annie eat their dinner.

The squads help you get the kids into bed, tucking them in and shutting doors, before going down to their own barracks. A smile creeps onto your face as you know you did the right thing backing up Nile and Pyxis.

* * *

The act passes easily. It’s a majority vote in favour, you know the moment it passes as Nile lets you know when it would appear in court. You sat in the stands with Erwin, Hange, Levi, and Mike, anticipation bursting at your seams as they ruled the act passed.

It takes a few days before the act is used. You’d been running drills in the courtyard, Eren and Annie at your side to assist you in demonstrations, with the rest of the little ones playing titan-tag in a corner of the courtyard.

“Excuse me, are you Captain (Y/N)?” a young girl asks, her hair braided back from her head in a neat bun. Next to her are three little kids, peering around the courtyard.

“Continue your laps!” You order your Scouts before giving her your full attention, “I am. What brings you here today?”

“Commander Pyxis instructed me to bring the Scouts these three. They were found living in an abandoned building near the gates,” the young woman informs you, nodding her head down to the three kids.

“Oh I see, 104th, right?” you ask, using a code for the act. She nods her head, so you sink to your knees, giving the kids a warm smile.  
“Hey there, don’t worry I’m not going to hurt you. Welcome to the Scouts.”

The raven-haired boy, with freckles splattered across his cheeks, returns your smile.  
“I’m Marco,” he says quietly.

“It’s nice to meet you, Marco. I’m (Y/N). We’re about to have lunch, would the three of you like to join us?” you continue, keeping a steady tone and a smile on your face.

“Yes!” the girl chirps in excitement, her light-brown hair held back in a ponytail, shining red in the afternoon light.

“Food sounds nice. I’m Connie, that’s Sasha,” the other boy agrees, his grey hair styled in a buzzcut that had started growing out.

“Well, it’s very nice to meet you three. Come with me. I’m sure we can find you a seat,” you offer, standing up and holding out your hands.

Marco steps out, grabbing your right hand, while Sasha holds your left hand, Connie holding hers. You smile at the Garrison cadet as she salutes you and scampers off before you can offer her lunch.

“Come on, everyone in for lunch!” you call out to the Scouts, watching as some of them nearly collapse from exhaustion. 

Chuckling to yourself, you head down to the mess hall, the other eight kids following after you. They chatter around your ankles, introducing themselves to the newcomers as you guide them over to their table.

“We’re already using the protection act?” Levi asks, walking up next to you as you get the three new kids seated.

“Apparently. A Garrison cadet just dropped them off,” you inform him, giving him a light smile.

“I’ll go get the bowls,” he offers, already stalking off towards the kitchen.

You glance around to catch the attention of someone to go help him, your gaze catching Hange’s. They take the hint as you nod your head to Levi, following after him to the kitchen.

Taking a seat at the table, you idly watch the kids and listen in on their conversation. It has slowly started revolving around titans, yet missing the same tense air that adults have as they discuss how ‘cool’ the titans are. 

Warm arms wrapped around your waist, a head resting on your shoulder as you watch the kids. Starting a bit, you turn your head slightly, feeling the scruff of Mike’s beard against your neck.

“What’s their names?” he murmurs, a small smile on his face as he gazes at the kids, watching them with the same relaxed look he gets to mask how intently he’s actually watching for something wrong.

“Connie, Marco, and Sasha. Orphans brought in by a Garrison Cadet. You should be sitting down, rest your leg,” you urge him, nodding your head at the seat next to you.

“Love, are you pitying me over my leg? After all these years?” he questions, a raised eyebrow as he continues to smile, yet this time his attention on you.

“No. I know you were on patrol and that your prosthetic starts to rub against your skin after long patrols,” you explain, tilting your head to kiss his lips as his face morphs to one of shock and understanding.

“I’m surprised you remember. I’ve been meaning to put some aloe on it, but I was waiting until I could show Erwin since his wounds finally closed,” he says, sitting down on the bench next to you, his right arm still around your waist.

“Oh, speaking of which, have you seen him today? I-” you stop mid-sentence as your eyes go wide at the sight of Erwin walking down the mess-hall stairs.

You’re not the only one to notice this abnormal behaviour, as Bertolt and Reiner notice immediately, running towards him while calling out “Papa!”. As he chuckles, crouching down so that he can hug the two of them with his remaining arm, you blink in shock. Normally he stays in his office, having to finish off paperwork.

“Speak of the devil, and he shall appear,” Mike mumbles lazily, kissing the side of your neck while everyone else was distracted.

“Mike!” you giggle, giving his arm a shove, getting up to help Erwin as a few of the other kids get up and swarm Erwin.

“What? Am I wrong?” he chuckles as you walk off towards Erwin. In the corner of your eye, you see Hange and Levi returning with the food for everyone.

“Who’s in trouble?” you tease as you approach the kid-swarmed man. 

Eren’s climbed his way onto Erwin’s back, with Armin fretting by Mikasa for him to get down. Historia has joined the hug between Reiner and Bertolt, holding hands with Ymir as she stands behind her. Marco, completely new to all of this, has been dragged over by Armin to help, attempting to get Eren down before he falls. Erwin looks up at you, a grin across his face that creases the corners of his eyes.

“Can’t I come down to eat lunch with my family?” he asks, pressing a kiss to the top of Historia’s head.

“I suppose, it’s just that you’re normally in your office,” you comment as you pick up Eren from his back. Armin, Mikasa, and Marco move over to you, staring up at Eren with wide eyes.

“It gets lonely up there by myself,” Erwin shrugs he stands up, ruffling Bertolt’s hair.

“Finally realizing paperwork doesn’t count as company?” you tease, leaning forwards and kissing his cheek as Eren makes a face.

“Perhaps. Perhaps I just missed my family’s company,” he murmurs, returning the kiss to you on your lips.

“Oi! Quit actin’ like an old married couple and come eat lunch,” Levi orders, walking over to shepherd the kids back to the table where Mike and Hange were already eating with Sasha and Connie.

“Alright, alright, we’re coming,” you giggle, guiding the kids back to the table and setting Eren back down on the bench so Mikasa and Armin would stop attempting to trip you.

You shake your head at Levi’s disapproving glare when you finally sit down, nestled between Erwin and Mike, a little too close for professionalism. Despite the fact he was cuddled up to Hange’s side, probably pretending that no one was looking his way.

The kids pestered Erwin with questions as he sat there, dooming himself by answering all of them, only for them to ask him more. It was a race of questions and answers, and he was losing. 

“Alright, stop pestering Papa and get moving to help Nibi set up the obstacle course. If you make it extra hard, you’ll get extra desert,” Levi ordered, taking a softer - yet still as stern - tone with the kids as he picked up their bowls.

“Yes, mom!” the kids replied, saluting him with the scout salute, before taking off after Hange towards the stairs leading up from the mess-hall. You weren’t entirely sure if they’d picked up the salute from daily training, or if they were taught to do it by someone to mock Levi. 

But, you didn’t get time to ask, as you found yourself sitting alone with Mike and Erwin as Levi left for patrol. Most of the scouts had cleared out by now, leaving on patrol, or heading over to warm-up for the afternoon’s obstacle course.

“So, paperwork?” you squeak, standing up from the table and attempting to avoid showing the both of them you had blush spread across your face. You’d been together for years, yet no matter how long passed, you were still flustered by their company.

“Actually, Erwin, I think (Y/N) wanted to show you how much aloe vera helps stumps,” Mike interjects, standing up as well so that the back of your headrests against his chest.

“Really? Well it’s a good thing I’ve finished my paperwork, isn’t it,” Erwin muses, standing up as well to sandwich you between the two of them again.

You could feel the heat radiating off your face at this point as you dart out from between them, pointedly walking towards the stairs.

“Not if you stand around in the mess-hall all afternoon,” you state, trying to play it off as nonchalant as you could, despite the hammering in your chest. 

You were a grown adult, dating these men for years, you’d seen them naked for fuck’s sake! Why were you acting like a teenager seeing your first pin-up magazine?!

“Relax, pumpkin. We didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable,” Mike murmurs, walking up behind you, resting his hand on the small of your back as you climb the stairs.

“You two can be so embarrassing sometimes,” you grumble in protest, focusing on the heat from his hand as you reach the second set of stairs. 

Erwin chuckles at your words but says nothing as he walks behind you, towards his office. Yet, the moment you reach his office, closing the door behind the three of you, he deflates, slumping down on the couch.

You exchange worried looks with Mike, mirroring each other’s raised eyebrows as Erwin reaches a hand up and wraps it around his missing arm. 

Mike mouths to you “I’ll be right back”, before walking off towards the door adjoining your bedroom and the office. You lock the door to prevent unwanted intruders, as you walk over and sit down next to Erwin on the couch.

“You doing okay?” you whisper quietly, resting your hand on top of his as he holds his missing arm.

“I keep feeling it. All-day. Can’t even manage paperwork,” Erwin rasps, slumping into your touch. 

“It’s called phantom pains, I get them from time to time too,” Mike states, sitting down on Erwin’s other side, passing you the jar of aloe from the capital.

“Fucking sucks,” Erwin grumbles, pulling a chuckle from your lips unintentionally, you don’t manage to catch yourself in time before he hears. “Are you laughing at me?”

“No, just - you never swear. Usually, you’re so eloquent with your words,” you comment, kissing his cheek, “It was stupid, I shouldn’t have laughed.”

“No, no it’s okay. I like your smile,” he whispers, leaning down to kiss your forehead.

“Take your shirt of Erwin,” you order, unscrewing the top of the aloe jar.

Erwin blinks at you, his face flushing bright red. It brought you immense joy to see that you weren’t the only one who still acted like a teenager sometimes. Across from him, Mike lets out a chuckle, stretching out his legs as he detaches his prosthetic. 

“I - er - why?” Erwin stutters, stumbling over his words as he gives you an incredulous look.

“So I can put aloe on your arm. Why else?” you snort, reaching up and undoing the belt around his chest for him. 

“Right. For the aloe,” Erwin repeats, using his remaining hand to undo his shirt. You had to admit, he was getting better at removing it. Almost as good as he was when he had two arms to work with. 

He sits quietly as you pull the bandages from his limp, standing up briefly to place them in the trash can. Only to return to Mike and Erwin having switched places so that you were sitting in between the two of them once again.

“You two are really going to be the death of me,” you grumble, shaking your head as you pick up the jar once more. Your smile never leaving your lips.

“But you love us,” Mike hums, leaning on your back as you sit cross-legged on the couch, dipping your fingers into the aloe as you face Erwin.

“Unfortunately,” you sigh, placing your two fingers on Erwin’s skin.

He shivers under your touch, letting out a long sigh as he relaxes into the couch while you coax the aloe to absorb into his skin. It takes quite a few sweeps of aloe to fully cover his limp, each one drawing another satisfied sigh as you watch the stress and pain melt away. You weren’t sure if it was the phantom pains leaving, or the fact his skin was that dry. If you had to guess, you’d go with the latter. Phantom pains were hard to coax away. 

When you finish Erwin’s arm, you steal a moment to appreciate how relaxed Erwin had become. His feet up on the coffee table as he rests his head on the back of the couch, a smile stretched across his lips, and his eyes closed.

“He looks relaxed,” Mike whispers in your ear, his arms closed around your waist, having pulled you into his lap.

“Finally,” you whisper back to him. You weren’t sure if Erwin could hear you two, but you honestly couldn’t care. “How long do you think we have until Hange finishes training the scouts for the day?”

“At least enough time to put some on my leg as well, and curl up for a nice nap. They have most of the patrols pulled in favour of their new ‘titan avoidment’ course,” Mike explains, nuzzling his face further into your neck. The scruff of his beard scratching against your skin. 

“How long has it been since any of us have had any alone time in the past few days? We’ve been running ourselves ragged to keep up with the kids and figure out where the wall was breached,” you muse, dipping your fingers in the jar again, adjusting yourself to be able to rub the aloe into Mike’s skin.

“Enough to miss you, even at night,” Erwin mumbles. He doesn’t move from his position, apart from the leg that rests slightly closer to your knee.

“We’ll find the reason soon. Then we’ll reclaim Maria, and finally move as fucking far away from the capital as we can,” Mike states confidently, shifting his hands to rest them on either side of your waist, rubbing small circles into your skin. 

“Maybe one day, we’ll be able to finally live outside the walls too. I’d love to show the kids the freedom of being outside,” you muse, feeling Mike relax into you as you take another scoop of aloe.

“To feel the wind on their face, and finally watch the sunset without fear. Let’s fight for that,” Erwin agrees, leaning his head next to Mike’s shoulder.

“Let’s fight for them,” Mike decides, earning a murmur of agreement from the two of you as you close the jar.

You lean back against his chest, your head resting in the crook of his shoulder instead as you close your eyes.  
“Let’s fight for freedom.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fair warning, from this point on, I will be rewriting most of what happens. Major events will still occur, but in a way that works for this story.
> 
> For those interested, there is a smut chapter posted. It's called "Be Patient" and takes part before 'Maria, Oh Maria'.


	17. To Save The World

You must’ve been asleep for quite some time, because when you finally opened your eyes again, you were wrapped in a large blanket, curled up between Erwin and Mike, as the stars twinkled in the sky outside. Rubbing your eyes, you turned your head to press a kiss to the top of Erwin’s head as he laid on your chest.

A creak caught your attention, your head quickly turning to the office door to see Reiner creep into the room towards the couch. He notices you watching him, running over and wrapping his arms around you from next to the couch.

“Hey there little one, you okay?” you whisper quietly, trying to stay quiet so you didn’t wake up the others.

“N-no, I had a nightmare,” he sniffles, clutching your shirt tightly.

“Oh honey, it’s okay. You’re safe. I’m right here,” you assure him, wrapping your arms around him and pulling him up so that he could lay on the couch next to you.

“B-but I’m not. I’ve done bad things. Things that would make you hate me,” he argues, his voice wavering as tears streak down his cheeks. 

“Nothing you can do would make us hate you,” Mike’s gruff, sleep-laced voice joins in as he wakes up behind you.

“Yes it would,” Reiner maintains, his head buried in your shirt as Mike shifts behind you so that he could hold the two of you. In front of you, Erwin wakes up, shifting his arm to hold Reiner close as well.

“You’re our little boy. We could never hate you,” you reassure him, gently petting his hair in an attempt to get him to calm down. 

“I’ve killed people. I’ve done bad things,” he sobs, holding onto you as if you’d pull back at a moment’s notice.

The words shock you, you couldn’t deny that. But you had no time to be shocked, you needed to take care of your kid.

“Reiner, you’re a kid. You haven’t killed anyone,” Erwin hums softly, keeping his voice low and steady.

“Yes, I have! I broke the wall with Bert!” 

You stare at him, your eyebrows creased together as you glance from Erwin to Mike. The wall was broken by titans, not humans. Had someone put him up to this?

“Titans broke the wall. You were just caught up in the chaos,” Mike explains, resting his head on top of yours. It was still very late at night, you all were very tired, and you weren’t entirely sure that Reiner was fully awake.

“No! I can turn into a titan!” he protests, “I didn’t want to do it! They made us!”

It’s as if someone had dropped a stone into your stomach. Sure, you’d heard the reports and accounts of the colossal titan and armoured titan. Everyone had. They were abnormals - or so you assumed.

“Who made you do it?” you asked quietly, holding the side of Reiner’s face gently in your palm. You masked the fear in your eyes - not of him, but for him - with a soft smile.

“Uncle - he did. Marley did. They said we had - that we had to kill the devils in the walls. But I don’t want to! You’re not devils! You’re my family!” Reiner sobs, his ramblings making no sense to you, yet as you swallowed your fear, you realized just what this meant.

“There are people outside the walls?” Erwin asks quietly as if he hadn’t meant to ask at all.

“Bad people! Don’t make me go back! They’ll hurt me!” Reiner replies all too quickly, staring Erwin in the eyes. Fear swam behind his tears, terror of what might happen.

“No one is making you go back. You’re safe here,” Erwin states, gently stroking his thumb back and forth on Reiner’s back to help calm down the sobbing boy.

“I don’t want to shift again. It hurts, I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to hurt anyone,” Reiner sobs, dissolving into rambles. 

You lay there quietly, holding him gently and whispering reassurances that he wouldn’t be forced to do anything he didn’t want to.

“You have to help them,” Annie’s voice cuts through the quiet moment. Turning your head, you see the blonde girl standing next to the couch. Her typically stoic expression warped into terror, with tear tracks down her face.

“Help who?” Mike asks as he picks her up to join the tangle of bodies on the couch. 

“Pieck, and Zeke, and Porco. They have them in Shinishaga,” she explains, resting her head on Mike’s chest as she stares at the fabric of the couch.

“Does this ‘Marley’ person have them?” you whisper, still holding Reiner in your arms. He’s calmed down more than he had before, yet he was still shaking, holding onto you for dear life.

“Marley’s our home. They’re bad people,” Annie says, continuing to stare off into space.

“We’ll save them. I promise,” you reassure her, leaning forwards and pressing a kiss to her cheek.

* * *

It had been a few days since Reiner and Annie had come to see the three of you late at night. The morning after, you’d filled in Levi and Hange on what was happening. They’d been shocked, nearly worse than you’d been the day before. But they’d both understood the severity of the issue. The need to reclaim Maria as soon as possible.

Since then, you’d been learning everything you could about Marley and the outside world from them. Each time they’d stress the importance of their friends being saved, and how they’re sorry for being titan shifters. You told them you loved them every time. Sure, it was horrifying finding out that three of your kids were the reason for the death of so many people, but it was also horrifying to find out how they’d been trained to be soldiers since birth. They had no choice in this life. They were kids. That was reason enough to forgive them.

During this, they’d brought Eren, Historia, and Ymir with them. It had stunned you when Eren admitted to having titan shifting abilities, and that Ymir had unknowingly eaten Marcel. But the most surprising had been Historia.

“You’re the next in line for the throne?” you repeat, sitting next to Historia as she nods her head.

“I thought the royals were all killed when the church collapsed,” Erwin recalls, standing next to the couch and holding Eren in his arms.

“I wasn’t there. My dad tried to come to take me home, but bad people stopped him,” Historia explained, the most eloquent with her words. She’d been taught young how to speak with grace, according to her.

“And you’re sure?” you press, instinctively double-checking to make sure she knew what she was saying.

She nods her head confidently, Ymir holding her hand tightly.

“If Ymir hadn’t been there to save me -”

“Then we wouldn’t be here,” Ymir finishes for her.

“You three are so very brave, just as Reiner, Annie, and Bertolt are. Thank you for telling us,” you say, pulling them in for a reassuring hug. This was a lot to take in, your whole worldview cracking before your eyes.

* * *

“And they’ll believe the word of children?” you asked Erwin as he paced his office nervously.

“It’s this or break the law to reclaim the wall,” he repeats, running through his plan in his head again.

In an hour, the military police - lead by Nile - would come to take Erwin to the King. In an hour, you may kiss your partner for the last time. In an hour, maybe overthrown. A coup wasn’t your favourite plan, but it was the most likely for success. You needed the full approval of the government to reach wall Maria, and to do that, Erwin needed to explain to the King why. He needed to tell him about Marley and everything else. He needed to be believed.

You stand up from the couch, crossing over to Erwin and placing your hands on either side of his face. Everyone else was at their stations, yours was to wait with Erwin, to keep him calm. 

“It’ll work. You’re the best Commander the Scouts have ever seen. If anyone can do this, it’s you,” you assure him, smiling as he leans down and kisses you, wrapping you up in his arms.

“Only because you’re the best Captain I’ve ever had,” he mumbles quietly as he breaks for air before recapturing your lips again.

It hurts to watch him walk away in handcuffs as Nile tries his hardest to remain stoic-faced. You know he doesn’t want to do this, that none of you want it to happen this way. Yet, this is the way that it must happen for the world to be saved. To keep your family safe.

“Baba?” Armin asks, tugging on your pant leg as you stand in the courtyard, staring at Erwin riding away. 

“Armin!” you chirp happily, forcing a smile as you crouch down to his eye level.  
“What’s the matter, sweetie?”

“Nibi needs you in their office,” he says, repeating the words with a triumphant smile.

“Thank you for letting me know. Do you know where the others are?” 

“Mhm! They’re with Dada and Mom in the obstacle course,” he declares confidently.

“Why don’t you go play with them, okay? I’ll go check on Nibi,” you instruct him, ruffling his hair.

He gives you a confident nod before running off towards the obstacle course. As he runs off, you stand up, straightening out your outfit as you head down to Hange’s office. It was their lab, where they studied titans, and more recently, where they studied a way to seal the walls.

Reaching the door, you knocked politely, waiting for a response. When you received none, you headed in anyway, slowly pushing the door open.

“Hange, I’m coming in,” you call as you slip into the room.

It’s dark, lit by a lantern on the other side of the room, sitting on the desk next to Hange’s head. They’re bent over their desk, head resting in their arms. You carefully shut the door before crossing over to Hange and resting your hand on their back.

“Hey, you doing okay?” you whisper quietly, pulling over a nearby stool to sit on.

“No,” they mumble, barely audible.

“Want to talk about it?” you offer, sitting down on the stool and waiting for their response.

“Can you… just stay here with me?” Hange mumbles, clutching their scout cape like a pillow.

“Of course,” you say, shifting the lantern out of the way so you could rest your arm on the desk to support your head as you slowly rubbed their back.

They’d been like this for a few days, ever since Erwin proposed his plan for the Coup. Everyone had their own ways of processing the impending situation, yet, you couldn’t blame them for acting in this manner. They looked utterly defeated, letting out small sighs every once and a while as you carefully rubbed their back. 

You sit there quietly for Gods know how long, searching for the right thing to say, until they break the silence for you.

“He’ll come back. Right?” Hange whimpers, their voice wavering as they struggle not to cry.

“He’s too stubborn to die. Trust me, he’ll be back,” you assure them, hoping you’d convince yourself as well.

“I hope you’re right, (Y/N),” they sigh, leaning back against your chest.

 _“So do I,”_ you think in reply, the words dying on your tongue before they could leave your lips.

It takes thirty-minutes for Mike to find you, ten more for Levi to join. The kids had been taken to the mess hall for lunch, watched over by the Scouts, as the four of you sat in Hange’s office.   
Levi paced around the office, wearing a track into the floor as Hange fumbled over formulas and equations. You sat with Mike, watching the two of them, unable to find your peace. As an hour ticked by on the clock, you felt the knot in your stomach. When thirty minutes more passed, it tightened. When three hours had passed since Erwin’s departure, the knot felt as if someone had torn out your heart.

“It’s been three hours,” you state without realizing it, watching as the others turned to look at the clock.

“He’s been gone too long, he should’ve been back by now,” Hange reminds you, worsening the knot in your gut.

“They won’t kill him. Nile won’t let them - right?” you turn to Mike for reassurance, but he seemed just as lost as you were.

“What do we do if he doesn’t come back…?” Hange mumbles, staring at the blackboard with the piece of chalk hanging between their fingers.

“We take back the wall for him,” Levi snaps, his hands clutching his hair as he paced frantically.

No one voices an argument as the room falls silent again. No one can argue against that. Sure, you had the kids to fight for, but without Erwin… you didn’t even want to think about the possibility. He’s the Commander, your cadet, your best friend, your partner, your lover, yours. A world without him was nothing.

It wasn’t living without one of them, it was getting by. 

The creak of a door filled your ears and everyone stood up, facing the door as it opened slowly. It was as if something within you snapped the moment you saw, tears rolling down your cheeks as sound refused to leave your throat. 

In the doorway stood a familiar blond man with his jacket sleeve pinned up, and his hair neatly combed. A broad smile across his lips as he shut the door behind himself.

“It worked.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hated writing this because I knew this chapter meant that I'm nearing the end. There are 5 chapters left (give or take a few), and the next few will be much heavier topics. Buckle up, it's going to be a bumpy ride !
> 
> Yes, I'm aware of how many events of canon are being left out, but this is tagged with canon divergence.


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